Some things only seem irreversible
Ellen entered the high school with her usual group of girls, their meaningless conversation floating overhead like the fall breeze. She had a history test in 5 minutes. Sure. She had studied, but she could never be too prepared.
"Ellen! Earth to Ellen! Are you coming this weekend?" asked a voice very close to her ear.
"Um... What? You guys know I can't go anywhere with the SATs coming up. My mom has me in studying all the time now," Ellen answered mechanically as though she had repeated this statement a thousand times.
Her history test went very well as she knew it would, but in calculus Ellen learned of another test taking place the Monday after the SATs. In English, she worked on her application essays for college. Her's was not nearly good enough, but somehow, she couldn't make herself care.
After study hall, she stayed in the room to finish studying for her chemistry test next hour. There were AP tests in only 6 months, and she had to be prepared.
By the time the bell rang at the end of the day, Ellen’s arm was cramped from all the writing. Her back ached from lifting heavy books, and her spirits were low. She hadn’t gotten a chance to chat with her friends all day. As she walked home, she thought about her evening. She couldn’t go out. She had to study. Her pace slowed as she contemplated another full evening of pages turning and pencils scratching. her stomach turned at the idea.
“Watch out!” she heard from a backyard on her left.
She turned her head just in time to throw up her hands to catch the soccer ball flying directly at her face, just barely managing to grasp it before it slammed into her nose.
“Wow! Good catch!” shouted a little girl from the backyard.
Ellen smiled and threw the ball back to the girl. “You got it?” she asked as the girl struggled to catch it.
“Yeah, thanks. Do you want to come in and play? I have no one to play with until my brother gets home from kindergarten later.” the little girl’s smile was hopeful.
“No. I’m sorry. I really have to get home,” she said, disappointment coding her voice.
Ellen walked away from the little girl. She thought about how she used to play sports when she was little before school became her primary concern. She had loved running free on a field and the competitive atmosphere. She wished for her simple childhood, wished for the times when her only worry was whether or not someone could play with her. She sighed deeply and shook her head, attempting to forget the happy memories that flooded her mind.
She spent the evening trying to study. Every time she opened a book, her mind wandered. When she put pencil to paper, her hand froze, unable to write words her brain was not forming. When her mother got home from work, she was very disappointed that Ellen had gotten essentially nothing done.
“You need to work harder if you want to get into college and get a scholarship,” her mom repeated the same words she had been saying for the past 3 years.
Ellen wanted to say words that had been going through her mind all night. They were sitting heavy on the tip of her tongue, ready to burst out, but she didn’t. She couldn’t. She couldn’t stop picturing the smile on the little girl’s face. Why couldn’t she just stop, drop all her books and play with her for an afternoon? What was really stopping her? Her mother? Maybe, but she thought it was more complicated than that.
She couldn’t sleep. The image of that happy little girl smiling, soccer ball in hand, kept flashing across her mind. Finally, she came to a decision. She felt as though she was going crazy. What was she thinking? If she really went through with her plans, she would get into so much trouble. Despite her misgivings, she didn’t stop as she rose from her bed and got dressed. She dumped out her school backpack and repacked it, taking time to find all the things she believed she would need. As she left her room, she turned, giving her school books and papers a last look-she would never need them again.
In the morning, Ellen’s mother came into her room. “Ellen! Why aren’t you downstairs yet? You’re going to be…” she stopped in the doorway, the expression of mild irritation freezing on her face.
“Ellen?” She asked, her voice breaking slightly.
But there was no Ellen to answer her calls. She was gone, and she was never to return.
***
This has been my entry for second chance idol. Voting will start soonishly! Thanks for reading.
"Ellen! Earth to Ellen! Are you coming this weekend?" asked a voice very close to her ear.
"Um... What? You guys know I can't go anywhere with the SATs coming up. My mom has me in studying all the time now," Ellen answered mechanically as though she had repeated this statement a thousand times.
Her history test went very well as she knew it would, but in calculus Ellen learned of another test taking place the Monday after the SATs. In English, she worked on her application essays for college. Her's was not nearly good enough, but somehow, she couldn't make herself care.
After study hall, she stayed in the room to finish studying for her chemistry test next hour. There were AP tests in only 6 months, and she had to be prepared.
By the time the bell rang at the end of the day, Ellen’s arm was cramped from all the writing. Her back ached from lifting heavy books, and her spirits were low. She hadn’t gotten a chance to chat with her friends all day. As she walked home, she thought about her evening. She couldn’t go out. She had to study. Her pace slowed as she contemplated another full evening of pages turning and pencils scratching. her stomach turned at the idea.
“Watch out!” she heard from a backyard on her left.
She turned her head just in time to throw up her hands to catch the soccer ball flying directly at her face, just barely managing to grasp it before it slammed into her nose.
“Wow! Good catch!” shouted a little girl from the backyard.
Ellen smiled and threw the ball back to the girl. “You got it?” she asked as the girl struggled to catch it.
“Yeah, thanks. Do you want to come in and play? I have no one to play with until my brother gets home from kindergarten later.” the little girl’s smile was hopeful.
“No. I’m sorry. I really have to get home,” she said, disappointment coding her voice.
Ellen walked away from the little girl. She thought about how she used to play sports when she was little before school became her primary concern. She had loved running free on a field and the competitive atmosphere. She wished for her simple childhood, wished for the times when her only worry was whether or not someone could play with her. She sighed deeply and shook her head, attempting to forget the happy memories that flooded her mind.
She spent the evening trying to study. Every time she opened a book, her mind wandered. When she put pencil to paper, her hand froze, unable to write words her brain was not forming. When her mother got home from work, she was very disappointed that Ellen had gotten essentially nothing done.
“You need to work harder if you want to get into college and get a scholarship,” her mom repeated the same words she had been saying for the past 3 years.
Ellen wanted to say words that had been going through her mind all night. They were sitting heavy on the tip of her tongue, ready to burst out, but she didn’t. She couldn’t. She couldn’t stop picturing the smile on the little girl’s face. Why couldn’t she just stop, drop all her books and play with her for an afternoon? What was really stopping her? Her mother? Maybe, but she thought it was more complicated than that.
She couldn’t sleep. The image of that happy little girl smiling, soccer ball in hand, kept flashing across her mind. Finally, she came to a decision. She felt as though she was going crazy. What was she thinking? If she really went through with her plans, she would get into so much trouble. Despite her misgivings, she didn’t stop as she rose from her bed and got dressed. She dumped out her school backpack and repacked it, taking time to find all the things she believed she would need. As she left her room, she turned, giving her school books and papers a last look-she would never need them again.
In the morning, Ellen’s mother came into her room. “Ellen! Why aren’t you downstairs yet? You’re going to be…” she stopped in the doorway, the expression of mild irritation freezing on her face.
“Ellen?” She asked, her voice breaking slightly.
But there was no Ellen to answer her calls. She was gone, and she was never to return.
***
This has been my entry for second chance idol. Voting will start soonishly! Thanks for reading.