(no subject)

[sophrosyne31]

I was feeling all right today, went to the gym and had a coffee with a darling friend and it was warm and sunny and I strolled down the street feeling fairly pleased with the world and went to the bank to talk to a financial adviser person, and he was some chap who was all very hale-fellow-well-met and jokey and kind of wired and, actually, rather strange, and I couldn't get his rhythm (I walked in and he started talking about where to eat lunch, and went on and on about this, as if continuing some jovial conversation that had been interrupted, and I'm going ...Uh, yeah, I guess eight bucks for lunch is a good deal *wary guffaw*)... and then he started interrogating me about my money and what I wanted to 'achieve' with it, and what I was 'capable' of doing, and I was all 0_o I don't know anything about finance stuff and he's like *jabber jabber chuckle chuckle blabberty blab* and his cufflinks scraped the desk every time he slammed his arm down on it and I felt all crammed against the desk and trapped between the wall and him and he's telling me all this stuff about money, money, all these words and term and really important stuff I need to know and I don't understand a word he's saying and his cufflinks are going BASH SCRAPE and I'm trying to hold on, I said 'Could you write some of this down' and he looked really shocked and appalled and said 'Oh I couldn't possibly, because then I'd be giving you information and that COSTS' and I thought Oh shit I've made a horrible faux pas, I'm just a child, I don't know anything about this stuff and was utterly confused and yet stricken with guilt that I'd wasted the chance to make thousands of dollars in interest, apparently, and he's saying So what do you want to do and I just didn't know, it all seemed like this is the kind of thing that adults should know about, everyone invests money and after all, I'm 35 years old and I'm not stupid but this is so insane, I don't know what I'm doing and this man isn't helping and I'm going to fritter away all my small amount of money, it's the only money I'm ever going to make in my life (he said, 'You know, no one is going to give you any kind of loan') and it's all going to go, I've got no superannuation either, oh my god I'm going to end up in a DITCH and fuck fuck

and I came home and burst into tears.

I hate being a grown up. It's all just a load of total, total, total shit.