Grammar Lesson #2 -- Commas and Their Clawses
*puts on glasses and pretends to look all severe like your freshman english teacher*
Today, we are going to discuss.... commas
dun
dun
duuuuuun!
Yes, that would be this thing: ,
(scaled up by... a lot... for dramatic effect, 'cause I'm like that)
Anyway. Honestly, when I read stories that misuse the comma, I cringe. I feel like it's somewhat... sad... that people aren't exactly sure how to use this particularly useful grammatical tool. I mean, can you think of something more useful than the comma? It takes away the need for constant full stops. Think of your comma as a half-stop, your semicolon as a 75% stop and your period as a full. If you want to be cheeky, a space is your 25% and nothing at all is your, tada, no stop. (Answered your question before you could be bothered to ask it, HAH.)
Now, I'm pretty sure most of you are aware of the correct ways to use a comma. However, if you've ever been unsure as to why your beta might have corrected a comma in a certain way, you can look here and see if they made a mistake or not. Obviously, I'm trying to keep this lesson as correct as possible, but do understand I'm a know-it-all grammar geek with a big mouth. I have neither an English degree nor any professional experience in copy-editing (except for a few projects I edited for a friend that did happen to be published, but anyway...). In any case, my point is that my word is not necessarily the end all and be all, 'cause this is just the knowledge that I have accumulated, but I will try my best to assure that the information I post is complete and accurate to the best of my knowledge. And now, for my spiel.
Commas and their Clawses
(Tell me I'm clever)
The first thing about the commas is that they can be used in a myriad of ways. You have lists, parenthetical statements, interjections, extra information, exclamations, separation of clauses, ad nauseam. So, consider this comma lesson #1; there will be more. *insert maniacal laughter here if this freaks you out*
Now, the most common errors I see have to do with clauses. Of course, to even begin, one must know what the fark a clause is, so allow me to stray for a sec... There are two types of clauses: dependent clauses and independent clauses. Independent clauses are (in their most layman's form) phrases with just a subject and a verb; they are considered to be the most basic of complete sentences. The shortest sentence in the English language is "I am." It also happens to be an independent clause. Sentences can be made up of multiple independent clauses; you will see this in newspaper articles or magazine columns where the paragraphs are very short due to the need to get as much information out as possible in the shortest amount of lines. The second type of clauses are dependent clauses, and there are three sub-groups within the dependent clauses that I will not discuss today. These are your incomplete sentences, fragments, exclamations, etc. They include no verb, no subject, or the action is not completed.
Dependent Clauses after Independent Clauses
Correct: She grabbed the muffin and stuffed it in her bag.
Incorrect: She grabbed the muffin, and stuffed it in her bag.
"Stuffed it in her bag" is an incomplete sentence because there is nobody doing the stuffing. Obviously, this can be rewritten to say, "It was stuffed in her bag," but that would be passive voice, wouldn't it? And do we really need to hide who did the stuffing of the muffin? No. So face it, guys: it's a dependent clause without a subject completing the action, period. Because of this, the grammar gods have decided that a comma is not necessary if you have a conjunction before the dependent clause.
If, however, you must use the comma, you are not allowed to use the conjunction. In these cases, the sentence normally becomes a list of actions. For example:
She grabbed the muffin, stuffed it in her bag and left.
This is most certainly allowed and grammatically sound.
And in case you were wondering? Two dependent clauses cannot be joined together under any circumstance I am aware of if there is no independent clause present.
Independent Clauses
Correct: Ron acted as if he didn't care, and that was the most infuriating part.
Incorrect: Ron acted as if he didn't care and that was the most
infuriating part.
When there are two independent clauses, they need to be separated by a
semicolon, a period or a comma + a conjunction. Other correct statements would be:
1. Ron acted as if he didn't care; that was the most infuriating part.
2. Ron acted as if he didn't care. That was the most infuriating part.
I would go in to explain why the semicolon is appropriate here and why conjunctions are needed with commas, but that would be ruining two things I want to write down the road. So, just take my word for it for now; the semi-colon thing comes next.
Dependent Clauses before Independent Clauses
These are interesting cases right here. If this format is used, it is normally for artistic purposes only and is not completely necessary. Of course, artistic license allows people to do all sorts of crazy things in writing, so a rule had to be written for the folks who put their dependent clauses before their independent clauses.
Correct: When the toilet paper is on the roll the right way, I am happy.
Incorrect: When the toilet paper is on the roll the right way I am happy.
Obviously the rule is that there must be a comma after the dependent clause if it comes before an independent clause. It is not considered 'extra information,' since it does describe when/why I am happy, which would be relevant to the statement, "I am happy." I mean, if you were happy about the toilet paper going the right way, you wouldn't just walk up to the person who put it in correctly and say, "I am happy." I mean, you could, but they'd probably peer at you as if you were odd or something. Which you are, like, totally NOT. Of course. *cough* So you'd give a reason, making it relevant, blah blah, just do it, goddamnit.
And of course, the sentence can be rewritten to say,
I am happy when the toilet paper is on the roll the right way.
Which, in all truth, is a much easier way to state your statement. So use this beast wisely.
QED.
And dude, if I used a comma incorrectly at ALL in this thing? I'm so going to shoot myself.
Today, we are going to discuss.... commas
dun
dun
duuuuuun!
Yes, that would be this thing: ,
(scaled up by... a lot... for dramatic effect, 'cause I'm like that)
Anyway. Honestly, when I read stories that misuse the comma, I cringe. I feel like it's somewhat... sad... that people aren't exactly sure how to use this particularly useful grammatical tool. I mean, can you think of something more useful than the comma? It takes away the need for constant full stops. Think of your comma as a half-stop, your semicolon as a 75% stop and your period as a full. If you want to be cheeky, a space is your 25% and nothing at all is your, tada, no stop. (Answered your question before you could be bothered to ask it, HAH.)
Now, I'm pretty sure most of you are aware of the correct ways to use a comma. However, if you've ever been unsure as to why your beta might have corrected a comma in a certain way, you can look here and see if they made a mistake or not. Obviously, I'm trying to keep this lesson as correct as possible, but do understand I'm a know-it-all grammar geek with a big mouth. I have neither an English degree nor any professional experience in copy-editing (except for a few projects I edited for a friend that did happen to be published, but anyway...). In any case, my point is that my word is not necessarily the end all and be all, 'cause this is just the knowledge that I have accumulated, but I will try my best to assure that the information I post is complete and accurate to the best of my knowledge. And now, for my spiel.
Commas and their Clawses
(Tell me I'm clever)
The first thing about the commas is that they can be used in a myriad of ways. You have lists, parenthetical statements, interjections, extra information, exclamations, separation of clauses, ad nauseam. So, consider this comma lesson #1; there will be more. *insert maniacal laughter here if this freaks you out*
Now, the most common errors I see have to do with clauses. Of course, to even begin, one must know what the fark a clause is, so allow me to stray for a sec... There are two types of clauses: dependent clauses and independent clauses. Independent clauses are (in their most layman's form) phrases with just a subject and a verb; they are considered to be the most basic of complete sentences. The shortest sentence in the English language is "I am." It also happens to be an independent clause. Sentences can be made up of multiple independent clauses; you will see this in newspaper articles or magazine columns where the paragraphs are very short due to the need to get as much information out as possible in the shortest amount of lines. The second type of clauses are dependent clauses, and there are three sub-groups within the dependent clauses that I will not discuss today. These are your incomplete sentences, fragments, exclamations, etc. They include no verb, no subject, or the action is not completed.
Dependent Clauses after Independent Clauses
Correct: She grabbed the muffin and stuffed it in her bag.
Incorrect: She grabbed the muffin, and stuffed it in her bag.
"Stuffed it in her bag" is an incomplete sentence because there is nobody doing the stuffing. Obviously, this can be rewritten to say, "It was stuffed in her bag," but that would be passive voice, wouldn't it? And do we really need to hide who did the stuffing of the muffin? No. So face it, guys: it's a dependent clause without a subject completing the action, period. Because of this, the grammar gods have decided that a comma is not necessary if you have a conjunction before the dependent clause.
If, however, you must use the comma, you are not allowed to use the conjunction. In these cases, the sentence normally becomes a list of actions. For example:
She grabbed the muffin, stuffed it in her bag and left.
This is most certainly allowed and grammatically sound.
And in case you were wondering? Two dependent clauses cannot be joined together under any circumstance I am aware of if there is no independent clause present.
Independent Clauses
Correct: Ron acted as if he didn't care, and that was the most infuriating part.
Incorrect: Ron acted as if he didn't care and that was the most
infuriating part.
When there are two independent clauses, they need to be separated by a
semicolon, a period or a comma + a conjunction. Other correct statements would be:
1. Ron acted as if he didn't care; that was the most infuriating part.
2. Ron acted as if he didn't care. That was the most infuriating part.
I would go in to explain why the semicolon is appropriate here and why conjunctions are needed with commas, but that would be ruining two things I want to write down the road. So, just take my word for it for now; the semi-colon thing comes next.
Dependent Clauses before Independent Clauses
These are interesting cases right here. If this format is used, it is normally for artistic purposes only and is not completely necessary. Of course, artistic license allows people to do all sorts of crazy things in writing, so a rule had to be written for the folks who put their dependent clauses before their independent clauses.
Correct: When the toilet paper is on the roll the right way, I am happy.
Incorrect: When the toilet paper is on the roll the right way I am happy.
Obviously the rule is that there must be a comma after the dependent clause if it comes before an independent clause. It is not considered 'extra information,' since it does describe when/why I am happy, which would be relevant to the statement, "I am happy." I mean, if you were happy about the toilet paper going the right way, you wouldn't just walk up to the person who put it in correctly and say, "I am happy." I mean, you could, but they'd probably peer at you as if you were odd or something. Which you are, like, totally NOT. Of course. *cough* So you'd give a reason, making it relevant, blah blah, just do it, goddamnit.
And of course, the sentence can be rewritten to say,
I am happy when the toilet paper is on the roll the right way.
Which, in all truth, is a much easier way to state your statement. So use this beast wisely.
QED.
And dude, if I used a comma incorrectly at ALL in this thing? I'm so going to shoot myself.