Suburban Cape Cod Blues (Part 3)
Master Post
Part 2
It’s a couple of hours, three cups of coffee, and countless kisses later when Jared reluctantly admits he has to grade some papers before class, or his students are going to burn him in effigy.
“Later, though, do you maybe want to-you remember the mentoring group I told you about?”
Jensen nods warily.
“Well, most of the time we just hang out. There’s not a lot of official business to take care of after the first meeting of the semester.” Jared runs a hand through his hair. He’s nervous, Jensen realizes. “They’re just-they’re my friends. I’d like you to meet them. You know, if you want.”
Jensen blinks. “Why?”
Jared grins. “Because I kind of like you?”
“Kind of?”
Jared pulls him in for a kiss, the way he’s done about every five seconds this morning. “Kind of really a lot,” he says.
“I kind of really like you a lot, too,” Jensen confides teasingly, feeling a stupid, half-terrified thrill.
“And maybe just a little bit so Chad will stop trying to get me treated for paranoid delusions.”
“Who, what now?”
“My best friend. I told him you knocked me down in Wal-Mart, and he’s been watching me for signs of schizophrenia ever since.”
Jensen laughs. “Wow.”
Jared nods ruefully. “Yeah. So will you come?”
There’s hopeful apprehension written all over his face, and Jensen can’t really say anything. “Sure, what time?”
Jared breaks out the happy, unrestrained grin that's beginning to be one of Jensen’s favorite things ever. “Around five,” he says. “We meet here.”
Jensen nods. “Okay, see you then.”
Jared nods. They kiss one more time, a little more lingering, and Jensen lets his eyes slide closed and savors the feeling of Jared’s lips on his. Jared pulls back first, looking regretful.
“See you tonight,” he says.
“Right, see ya,” Jensen says, feeling slightly dazed as he makes his way down the sidewalk.
Chris is waiting when he gets home, looking rumpled and red-eyed.
“Jesus, Jensen! Where have you been?” he demands the second Jensen walks in. “I was about to call the cops!”
Jensen frowns at him. “I had my phone,” he says, confused.
Chris glares at him. “Yeah, well, great job picking it up. I only called you about fifteen times.”
Jensen fishes in his pocket and pulls out his phone, then stares at its blank display. “Shit,” he says, his stomach sinking to his feet. “I must have forgotten to charge it.”
“Ya think?” Chris clenches his jaw hard, looking past Jensen’s shoulder. “I was starting to think Jared really was a crazy fan and I should be looking for a ransom note.”
Jensen feels like shit for making Chris worry. “I’m sorry,” he says, hoping he sounds as contrite as he is.
Chris crosses the room in two strides and wraps Jensen up in a tight hug. It’s over before Jensen can do anything more than squeak in protest. “Just don’t let it happen again,” he cautions.
Jensen shakes his head.
“So,” he says, grinning evilly, changing moods so fast it makes Jensen’s head spin. “I take it the date went well?”
Jensen feels his cheeks heat up. “You could say that,” he answers.
“So how is he in the sack?”
“None of your fucking business, that’s how,” Jensen growls, embarrassed.
Chris whistles. “That good, huh?”
“Shut up.”
“So you gonna see him again or dine and ditch?”
Jensen scowls. “What makes you think I was the one sucking dick?” he demands.
“Just an expression, pumpkin, but for the record, how many times in your life have you heard ‘cock sucking lips’?”
“I hate you a lot.”
“You keep telling yourself that, sugar muffin. So?”
Jensen sighs heavily. “I’m gonna see him again,” he says.
“That’s my boy!”
~*~
Jensen’s nervous when he knocks on Jared’s door at a few minutes past five. He doesn’t know about this ‘meeting the friends’ thing. He thinks that Jared’s imploring puppy look is probably a very dangerous thing, and he hopes Jared never asks him to commit hara-kiri.
The door is yanked open by a squinty-eyed blond man.
“Oh, you have got to be shitting me,” he says.
“Hi?” Jensen tries. He looks past the guy and sees a couple of other people in the living room, but no sign of Jared. “Jared told me to come.”
“Of course he did.” He steps back from the door and gestures Jensen inside with one hand while he covers his eyes with the other.
Jensen walks in and proceeds to stand awkwardly in the middle of the room while Chad and the other occupants of the room stare at him, wide-eyed. Fortunately, he’s saved from having to try making small talk by Jared bursting noisily through the door behind him.
“Shit, Jen, I’m so sorry. Student meeting ran late. Did Chad traumatize you?” He grips Jensen by the upper arms, studying him with concern in his eyes, blatantly ignoring everyone else in the room.
Jensen is strangely pleased by the attention. He smiles up at Jared. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve only been here for a minute. It’s okay.”
Jared’s eyes clear, and he nods. “Okay, good.” He slides one hand down to clasp Jensen’s and turns to face the others. “Guys, this is Jensen,” he says, sounding nervous and proud. He introduces the rest of the group.
The squinty-eyed guy is, no shock, Chad. The brunette woman on the couch is Sam, and the redhead on her lap is Danneel. The dark-haired guy with blue eyes is Misha, and the gorgeous woman that came in with Jared is Sophia.
There are a few minutes of awkward small talk where everyone tries to ignore the elephant in the room, and Jensen is all too aware that he’s the elephant. Then Danneel pipes up. “So, Jensen. What’s it like being a super famous country artist outed by every tabloid in the country?”
“Danny!” Jared exclaims, looking horrified.
Jensen lays a hand on his arm. “It’s okay,” he says, then turns back to Danneel. “I’ve had better summers,” he tells her.
Everyone laughs, and just like that, the tension is broken. For a few minutes, they ask him the questions that he expects people to ask-what’s it like being famous-stuff he’s been asked a thousand times and has ready answers for. But then they start asking other kinds of questions. Questions he’s not anywhere near as comfortable with.
“How did you do it?” Danneel asks. “You’ve been in the closet for at least ten years. How did you do that?”
She’s looking at him with honest confusion in her eyes, and Jensen-Jensen doesn’t really understand the question. He’s suddenly much less relaxed, but Jared has a calming hand on his back, thumb stroking softly, and Jensen knows that he can call a halt if he needs to. So he does his best to answer. “I never thought about it like that,” he says. “I didn’t know there was another option. I-well. How many gay country singers have you heard of?” Silence. He nods. “Exactly.”
The novelty starts to wear off, and people start talking amongst themselves, taking the focus off Jensen, much to his relief. A few minutes later, Chad leaves the room and comes back with an armful of liquor.
Apparently, the activity for the evening is playing the L Word drinking game.
“Take a shot every time Jenny Schecter is annoying,” Danneel suggests.
Chad scoffs. “Please. We’d be taking shots every five seconds.”
She tilts her head, conceding the point. The group settles on an acceptable list, drinks are mixed, and Jared cues up the episode on his DVD player.
The whole thing feels slightly surreal to Jensen, and he’s not sure why he’s watching a bunch of chicks get it on, but after the first couple of shots, it gets way more entertaining. Not to mention that nothing could really be bad while Jared is at his side, warm and happy and increasingly cuddly.
They take a break after the first episode, everybody happy and buzzed and well on the way to drunk. Jared ventures into the kitchen to make snacks, and Chad flops down in his vacated seat.
“So,” he says to Jensen, nodding like he’s said something profound.
“So?” Jensen asks. He’s a little bit afraid of Chad.
“I’m a trained counselor. I have a master's degree.”
“Good for you,” Jensen tells him.
“I’m just saying, if you want to talk about-” He gestures vaguely at the air. “-Stuff. I’m here for ya, buddy.”
Jensen coughs. “Um, wow, Chad. Thanks, but-” He casts about, looking for some kind of appropriate answer. “I think that might be awkward, given the situation.”
Chad nods. “The situation where you’re boning my best friend?”
Jensen chokes. “Um.”
“It’s cool, man, conflict of interests. I get it. I can refer you to someone.”
“I think I’m doing all right without professional help, but I appreciate the offer.” Jensen hopes Chad is going to go away now. Chad makes him uncomfortable.
“Chad, stop molesting Jensen!” Jared says, coming back into the room with a huge plate of nachos.
Chad looks affronted. “I wasn’t!” he protests.
Jared looks to Jensen, and Jensen nods. “Just offering his, uh, professional services,” he says.
Jared glares at Chad. “Right, ‘cause that’s better. Get your ass out of my spot.”
Chad gets up, tossing one more offended look at Jared before walking across the room and sitting in Misha’s lap.
Jared blinks. “Wow, that was fast.”
“What?” Jensen asks.
“Two days ago, he couldn’t even talk in front of the guy.”
“Could be the liquor,” Jensen suggests.
Jared laughs. “Maybe,” he says.
Later, after even more liquor, Jensen finds himself next to Misha, who's apparently a talkative drunk. He tells Jensen all about Chad, how he thought Chad was straight and how Misha doesn’t know how he feels about dating a bisexual guy, but Chad is really, really hot and awesome, and maybe he would like to have Chad’s magical gay babies. He also says a lot of stuff about presenting a positive image of gay people to the world that Jensen is kind of uncomfortable thinking about, but he keeps thinking about it anyway.
Even later, everyone else goes home, trickling out in ones and twos, except for Chad who’s passed out on the couch. Jensen follows Jared upstairs, and they undress, clumsy with exhaustion and alcohol. They fall into bed and cuddle close together, their legs entwined.
“Did you have fun?” Jared murmurs sleepily.
Jensen nods against his chest. “Yeah,” he says.
~*~
There’s a knock on his open door, and Jared looks up, expecting a student. Instead Chad is standing in the doorway looking awkward.
“Since when do you knock?” he asks, waving Chad inside.
Chad shrugs, shuffling in. “What up?” he asks.
Jared rolls his eyes. “Grading papers. Constant joy of my life.”
Chad tries to smile, but he still looks nervous.
“Okay, seriously, man. What is up with you?”
Biting his lip for a minute, Chad glances around the room, everywhere but at Jared. “I’m sorry,” he says to the floor.
Jared realizes what’s going on, and, okay, he thinks he deserves to enjoy this just a little. “I’m sorry, what was that? I didn’t quite hear you.”
Chad stops fidgeting and finally looks right at Jared. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you about Ackles, okay? I’m a shitty friend, and I throw myself on your mercy. Are you happy?”
Jared pretends to consider. “I don’t know. What are you willing to do to keep my awesome friendship?”
“Pick up your dry cleaning? Grade your papers for you? What do you want?” Chad has to know Jared’s messing with him, but he looks harassed all the same. Jared decides he’s suffered enough.
“Dude, it’s cool. Forgiven, forgotten, all that.”
“Seriously?”
“Of course. You’re my best friend. I don’t want to have to interview for that position again.”
“Fucker.”
“Yeah, yeah, I love you too.”
~*~
Several weeks pass, and Jensen finds himself sliding easily into the routines of Jared’s life. He’s sort of tangential, but in an important way-he’s “the boyfriend,” and he goes pretty much everywhere Jared goes and participates in all his activities. Well, not his job, of course. He doesn’t follow Jared to class like some oversized purse dog, but otherwise, he’s with Jared nearly constantly.
They hang out with the Safe Zone group two or three nights a week. They go on dates. The hostess at the restaurant Jared first took him to knows Jensen, too, and not because she’s seen him in a magazine.
Jensen is getting to be pretty good friends with Misha, too. Misha likes to talk to him about Chad even when he’s not drunk. Jensen also finds that they share a reserved personality and general dislike of people.
Somewhere along the line, while Jensen isn’t paying attention, small town Massachusetts starts to feel like home.
~*~
One morning, Jensen comes home to find Chris packing. “Hey, going somewhere?” he asks.
Chris smiles at him a little sadly. “Heading home, man.”
“What? Why?”
The hint of sadness gives way to exasperation. “Boy, I do have a life outside looking after your sorry ass.”
“Yeah, I know,” Jensen says, not pouting at all.
“Seriously, Jenny, I came to make sure you weren’t going to drown yourself in the bathtub. And since you’re too busy making goo-goo eyes at your boyfriend to contemplate suicide, I figure, mission accomplished.”
“Jared’s not-” Jensen starts.
“Not your boyfriend?” Jensen opens his mouth, but Chris beats him to it. “Try again. You’ve only been home one night this week.”
Jensen frowns, thinking. It’s been more than that, he’s sure. Except he thinks back, and Chris is right. “Oh,” he says, “well.”
Chris nods. “Yeah. So try not to disappear again, huh?”
“I won’t,” Jensen says.
Chris hefts his duffel over one shoulder and grabs his guitar case with the other hand, and then he’s gone. Jensen misses him already, but Chris is right. As usual, the bastard. Jensen is already thinking about seeing Jared again in a few hours.
Jared swears this is going to be the night he finally pins Jensen down and makes him watch Queer As Folk. Jensen’s pretty sure he can make Jared pin him down and do something else, though. He grins to himself, felling warm just thinking of Jared’s hands all over him.
He’s got a few hours to kill before then, though, so he pulls out his guitar to work on a song that’s been running through his head in snatches off and on the last couple of days.
~*~
Jensen’s phone is ringing shrilly in the dark of the bedroom. Jensen groans.
“Who the fuck is calling in the middle of the night?” he grumbles, fumbling for the phone. In his mostly-asleep stupor, he manages to knock it off the nightstand onto the floor.
Jared, who's apparently been brought to semi-consciousness by the deafening ringing, loosens the arm he has slung around Jensen’s waist so he can slide far enough over the edge of the bed to grab the phone.
“Hello?” he rasps out.
“Jensen! My man!” It’s a mark of how long it’s been and how not-conscious he truly is that it takes him a second to place the voice.
“Dohring? Do you know what fucking time it is?”
“The news doesn’t sleep, brother,” his agent tells him blithely. Jensen is sure that Jason has been sitting on whatever it is for hours just so he could wake him up in the middle of the night, and he is not impressed. Asshole.
“Which would be relevant if you were a newspaperman,” Jensen tells him, marveling at his own ability to string a sentence together under the circumstances.
“The news,” Jason continues as if he hadn’t spoken, “is that the label is ready to welcome the prodigal son back into the fold.” He pauses and then adds, “That’s you.” As if Jensen needed the clarification.
Jensen is-he’s too fucking tired to figure out what he is. “Great, okay. That’s great news,” he says.
“You don’t sound like you think it’s great news,” Jason scolds.
Jensen glares at the phone like that’ll help. “You woke me up at three in the fucking morning. Forgive my lack of enthusiasm. Now I’m going back to sleep. I’ll call you in the morning.” He stops. “Later in the morning. Goodnight.”
Jason’s still talking when Jensen hits the end button and drops the phone back on the table.
“Who was that?” Jared asks sleepily.
“Nobody,” Jensen says. “Nothing. Never mind. I’ll tell you in the morning. Go back to sleep.”
Jared makes a sleepy sound and pulls Jensen in, spooning around him, and dropping a kiss on his shoulder. Jensen can tell by his breathing that he’s asleep again almost instantly. He lies quiet in the circle of Jared's arms and doesn’t sleep the rest of the night.
~*~
Jensen is quiet at breakfast, and not in that “I haven’t had my coffee yet, I’m not actually human” way.
“Hey, are you okay?” Jared asks him, reaching across the table to lay a hand on his forearm.
Jensen stiffens and pulls back, and this is just not good at all.
“Jay,” he says. “That was my agent last night.”
“Oh. Bad news?” Jared asks, preparing to be sympathetic.
Jensen shakes his head. “Good news, actually. The label wants me back in Nashville to start recording on the new album.”
Jared grins. He knows there’s nothing Jensen wants more than to get back to work. “That’s great, Jen!”
“Yeah,” Jensen says, not sounding like he thinks it’s great at all.
“What’s wrong?”
Jensen sighs. “You know this means I’m leaving, right?”
Oh. That. “Yeah, Jen, I get it. But we’ll still see each other. I mean not as much, but we can call. I could come visit you over winter break. That’s only a month or so away.”
Jensen shakes his head jerkily. “No, Jared, no. That’s not-I’m leaving, and this has to be over.”
“This what?” Jared asks carefully, but he’s afraid he already knows the answer.
“This,” Jensen says, gesturing between them. “Us.”
“No, it doesn’t.” Jared doesn’t want to hear what Jensen is telling him. “People do long distance all the time. I mean, it’ll suck, and I’ll miss you, but we’ll be okay.”
“Jared. It’s been-it’s been nice, but I have a real life that I have to go back to.”
If Jensen punched him in the throat, it wouldn’t hurt more than that. He has to take a moment and just breathe before he says, “This is real, Jensen. We are in a real relationship.”
Jensen looks at him with something dangerously close to pity. “It’s real here,” he says. “But out there, record sales and advertising and talent marketability are what’s real. The label is taking me back because people have mostly forgotten about my gay scandal. I can’t come home with a boyfriend.”
Jared does the only thing he can think to do. He takes a step that puts him right up in Jensen’s space and kisses him. It’s hard and desperate, and Jensen resists for a moment. Jared’s about to pull back when Jensen gives in and melts against him. It’s a long time until he makes himself pull away, but he stays close, staring at the counter behind Jensen.
“Don’t go. Please,” he says quietly, with a tremble he can’t quite conceal. He looks up.
Jensen’s eyes are bright when he looks back at Jared, but he shakes his head. “Jared, I can’t.”
Something inside of Jared snaps then, and he’s suddenly angry. No, he’s fucking furious. “You’re a damn coward, Jensen. You've got more money than God, but you pretend you're at their mercy. If you wanted, you could make them listen. Record label doesn't want a gay country star? Start your own damn label. You're just hiding behind these excuses because you're too afraid to let the world see who you really are. I thought you were better than that. Well, I guess I was wrong."
Jared stops, breathing hard. He stares at Jensen, looking for some sign he’s gotten through to him. Jensen stares back for what seems like a long time, lips pressed together and tense lines around his mouth. Seconds or hours, Jared doesn’t know. Finally, he can’t take it anymore.
“Well?” he asks.
Jensen swallows hard. “Goodbye, Jared,” he says, and then he gathers up his things and walks out of Jared’s life.
~*~
Jared doesn’t know how long he stands in the kitchen after Jensen walks out. He’s stuck in that moment of time, replaying it over and over in his head while his coffee gets cold on the counter.
Eventually, he wanders into the living room and drops down onto the couch. He curls into a corner of it, trying to make himself small, and pulls a blanket over himself.
Hours later, his cell phone buzzes in his pocket, reminding him that there’s an outside world. He pulls it out and looks at the display. It’s a number at the university, and he answers dully. It’s one of the secretaries in the office, wondering where he was for his class today, which he completely forgot about. He mumbles something about a family emergency and hangs up.
He loses track of time again until the sun is sinking low in the sky and the hammering on his door starts up. He hears Chad and Sophia calling his name. He should really go answer the door, he thinks. He realizes he hasn’t moved when Chad’s key scrapes in the lock and his friends come rushing in with worried faces.
He tries to tell them he’s fine and make them go away, but he’s not surprised he’s less than convincing. Sophia shoves him over to the middle of the couch so she and Chad can each sit on either side of him. Jared knows he must be truly pitiful because not even Chad is making fun of him. Instead, he pulls out his best counseling material and gets Jared to spill the whole story.
Jared isn’t a pretty crier. There are tears and snot all over his face by the time he finishes. Sophia hands him a tissue and curls into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. She begins quietly and comfortingly detailing all the ways Jensen is a douchebag and not good enough for someone as wonderful as Jared. It doesn’t help at all, but he appreciates her trying.
Chad details his plan of following Jensen down to Nashville and killing him in a dark alley. Jared is grateful when Sophia talks him down because he just doesn’t have the energy to do it. He’s pretty sure there are threats of castration. Sophia never misses an opportunity to threaten Chad’s manhood.
Of course, Jared’s not entirely sure Sophia isn’t going to hunt Jensen down herself, but-he just doesn’t have the energy to worry too much about it. He hurts everywhere. This bone-deep ache has settled into him and doesn’t seem likely to go away again any time soon.
“I just thought,” he starts at some point, probably not for the first time tonight.
Sophia shushes him. “We know, sweetie,” she tells him, her voice soft and sad. She brushes his hair away from his face with a gentle hand.
Maybe Jared should be embarrassed about being treated like an invalid when there’s nothing wrong with him, but since right now, he feels like he could sink into the couch cushions and never move again, he lets it go.
~*~
Chris is pacing the huge living room of Jensen’s house in Nashville. The contrast between this and the simple apartment in Massachusetts is impossible to miss. “You’re an idiot,” he tells Jensen, eyes blazing.
Jensen knows. He feels like he cut his goddamn arm off; how could he not? But he didn’t have any choice. “I couldn’t just-”
“Sure you could,” Chris cuts him off. “Your boy’s right. You’ve got enough money to do whatever the fuck you want. At least man up and admit you ran away like a little girl.”
“It wasn’t like that!”
“Sure it wasn’t. Call me when you’ve got your head on straight.”
“Chris, I couldn’t! I’ve got a life. Responsibilities.”
“Fuck ‘em,” Chris spits out. “You don’t owe those bastards a thing after the millions they’ve made off you. And as for this life of yours-” He breaks off, dragging a hand through his hair. “Maybe for once you could think about what makes you happy instead of what you think is supposed to make you happy.”
Jensen’s chest feels tight. “But-” he starts.
“Think about it, Jensen,” Chris cuts him off, then storms out with a dark glare, slamming the door behind him.
Jensen calls Steve. Steve is good at being sympathetic. Except for when he’s not.
“Chris is right,” he says mildly. “You’re an idiot.”
Jensen huffs and glares, not that Steve can see him. “You’re no help.”
“Depends on what you mean by help. If you want me to pat your head and tell you it’s okay to stay in the closet and be miserable, I won’t. I’ve already done that for too long.”
“But you-” Jensen breaks off, not wanting to finish that thought. Steve takes pity and doesn’t make him.
“Look, Jensen, it was different with me. I was never in love with you.”
“You weren’t?” That hurts. Not like leaving Jared hurts, sharp and constant, more like the ache of an old injury. A reminder of something that was once there.
Steve coughs. “Whatever. We’re not talking about ancient history, anyway.”
“Well, Jared’s not in love with me, either,” Jensen insists.
“That’s not what Chris says.”
“I’m hanging up on you now.”
“Don’t miss out on a good thing ‘cause you’re scared, Jensen.”
“Goodbye, Steve.”
~*~
It’s still mostly dark when Jared wakes up. He blinks and rubs the grit out of his eyes, trying to figure out what woke him.
It takes a minute for the buzzing to penetrate his conscious mind. It sounds like a very large swarm of bees is surrounding his house, and he struggles out of bed and lifts the blinds. Then he drops the cord and reels back from the window in shock.
There are huge crowds of people surrounding his house, people with huge cameras, notepads, and voice recorders. The ones closest to the house are knocking on the windows and generally raising a bunch of hell. Jared thinks he’s seen this movie a few times, but it’s never been his life before.
Jared calls Chad. “There appear to be cannibalistic reporters surrounding my house,” he tells him, eerily calm.
“What the fuck?”
“There are reporters with cameras and microphones and whatever else all over my lawn,” he says, hearing the slight tremble in his voice.
There’s a long silence on the other end of the line.
“Chad?”
Chad sucks in a breath. “Turn on the TV, Jay,” he says, more serious than Jared has ever heard him when he’s not talking about his work. A thrill of fear runs down his spine.
“What? Why?”
“Looks like you’re front page news. You and your boyfriend.”
“Jensen?” Jared says, feeling like his brain is running too slowly to keep up with what’s going on.
Chad scoffs. “No, your other super famous boyfriend. Yes, Jensen Ackles, country singer extrordinaire, massive douchebag, outed for the second time in a year. And everybody’s talking about his professor lover, Jared Padalecki."
“But how did they find out?”
“I don’t know, buddy. Looks like you weren’t quite careful enough. There’s some grainy photo of the two of you out somewhere acting all mushy. Looks like somebody took it on their phone or something.”
Jared pinches the bridge of his nose. “Can you, um. I can’t deal with this. Can you come get me? Please?”
“Yeah, okay. If the ravening horde eats me, though, I will haunt your ass.”
Jared attempts a laugh. “Okay, noted, thanks.”
Chad’s voice goes soft. “I’ll be there soon, okay?”
“Yeah.”
When Chad calls, Jared can barely hear him over the background noise. “Holy shit, Jay! This is insane! Back off, fucker!”
“What?”
“Not you, Jay. One of the vultures out here. Okay, give me like thirty seconds and then open the door, all right?”
“Okay, see you in a minute.”
“Thirty seconds! Don’t leave me stranded out here!”
“Okay, already!”
He flips his phone shut and counts down from thirty. He takes a deep breath and yanks the door open. The noise level increases dramatically as Chad tumbles through, shoving reporters back. Jared slams the door behind him and throws the bolt.
Chad plasters himself against the closed door, looking harassed, eyes wide. Jared tugs him forward and wraps him up in a hug.
“Can’t breathe,” Chad squeaks out after a minute.
Jared lets him go. “Thank you,” he says, trying to convey the deep, deep gratitude that he feels towards Chad at this point.
Chad shakes his head, looking vaguely mystified. “That’s what friends are for, Jay. Now grab whatever you need for a few days and we’ll do this thing."
Jared nods. He grabs clothes at random and stuffs them into a duffle bag, along with his laptop, some shampoo, and a few other essentials. After making a last check that he has his wallet and keys, he hefts the bag over his shoulder.
“Ready?” Chad says.
“Ready.”
They wade through the sea of reporters, Jared mumbling “no comment,” over and over like a mantra. They’re all screaming over each other, and he can’t really distinguish whole questions. All he hears is “Jensen, Jensen, Jensen,” until he wants to scream. Well, more.
Finally, they break through and make it to Chad’s car. A couple of intrepid young cub reporters make a grab for the fender, but Chad peels off and leaves them in the dust.
~*~
The label's office is in uproar. They called Jensen in for an emergency meeting when the story broke this morning. It all feels nauseatingly familiar, except this time, Jensen isn’t really worried about himself. Jared’s name and picture are plastered across tabloids all over the country. He didn’t sign up for this circus, didn’t ask for it like Jensen did. Jensen can only imagine what he’s going through right now.
Dohring is pacing, and Gabe is muttering to himself and bouncing like a ferret on crack. Jensen, on the other hand, is strangely numb. His agent is yelling about damage control and spin, and all he can think about is Jared. Jared talking about positive role models for young gay men, and Jared getting all worked up and passionate talking about the Safe Zone program, and Jared-Jared all gorgeous, surrounding him and pushing into him and miles of beautiful golden skin. Jared kissing him on top of a lighthouse for God and everybody to see like it’s nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hide. And Jared leaning against his kitchen counter, hazel eyes glassy, begging Jensen not to go and calling him a coward.
It comes to Jensen in a rush. Jared is right. He’s right about everything, and Chris and Steve are also right; Jensen is an idiot.
He stands up and cuts Jason off mid-tirade. “No,” he says calmly but with enough force and volume that it shuts his agent up.
“What?”
“You heard me. I said no. No damage control, no spinning, no strategic appearances with busty starlets, none of it. I’m gay, and I’m tired of hiding. If the label doesn’t like it, they can go fuck themselves. And you can help.”
Jensen walks out of the office feeling strangely free. He knows what he needs to do now. He just hopes it’s not too late.
~*~
Jensen’s heart is in his throat as he makes his way up to the second floor of the English building. He can’t believe he’s doing this. Jared’s cell number is out of service, all his e-mails bounced back, and there was no answer at home, either. There’s no contact information on Jared’s profile on the university website, and Jensen doesn’t know if it was always that way because he never looked before.
Jensen wracks his brain and finally thinks he remembers when Jared has office hours. He’s almost positive that Jared never wants to see him again, but he has to know for sure. If there’s even the slightest chance that Jared still loves him, he’s willing to do whatever it takes to win him back.
He nearly turns around and flees when he sees Emo Boy sprawled on the floor outside Jared’s office door. He steels himself, though, and keeps walking.
“Um, hi,” he says, wishing he could remember the kid’s name because this is weird.
The kid looks up at him, and his eyes widen slightly. “Oh, hi. Um. What are you doing here?”
Jensen coughs. “Came to see Jared.”
“So it’s true?”
“Yeah, it’s true.” Jensen gestures vaguely at the door. “So do you think I could, uh, before-?”
“Dude, I don’t care how famous you are. I have a term paper due tomorrow. Wait your turn.”
Jensen blinks. That was unexpected. “I won’t be long.”
“Yeah, right.”
“Come on, please,” he tries, hating the desperate note in his voice. He can’t believe he’s begging an eighteen-year-old to let him cut in line. “It’s kind of important.”
The kid rolls his eyes, smirking a little. “Dude, if you were Jesus, I’d still tell you to wait in line like everybody else.”
Jensen’s gearing up to try another tactic when the door opens and a girl walks out smiling. She’s making small talk with Jared, who appears in the doorway behind her. He’s grinning and chattering, but he falls silent when he sees Jensen.
“What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“The phone?” he says, his tone icy.
Jensen bites his lip. “Out of service. E-mail, too”
Jared looks thrown for a minute before the cold mask slips back into place.
“I have work to do. Come on in, Zac.”
Jensen moves forward involuntarily. “Jared-”
Jared pulls back like he’s afraid, and it cuts Jensen to the bone.
Zac jumps in. “Oh my god,” he says, sounding exasperated. “Go ahead. He’s obviously not going to be concentrating on my paper while he’s thinking about you, anyway.”
Jared looks ready to protest, but Zac flops back down on the floor, and Jensen takes two steps towards the door. Jared either has to let Jensen run into him or back up. He moves aside, eyes down, to let Jensen through.
“So?” Jared says once they’re seated on opposite sides of the desk.
“I’m an idiot,” Jensen says.
“This is news?” Jared asks. The sarcasm stings, but Jensen pushes on. Jared is worth it.
“You were right about everything, okay? I was afraid and making excuses, but I’m not anymore. I love you, Jared.”
Jared is silent for a long time. Jensen feels his pulse thrumming under his skin while he waits.
“Do you only love me in Massachusetts?” he finally asks, and Jensen can hear all the hurt and anger behind the question.
“No,” he says, too loud and emphatic. He takes a breath. “No, I love you everywhere. Texas, Nashville, anywhere. I’m not scared anymore, and it’s because of you.”
Jensen takes a shuddering breath. “After I left, I realized losing you was the worst thing I could think of. Worse than all that stuff in the tabloids or my fans hating me or-anything. I’m pretty sure the label is going to drop me. I’ve been ignoring Jason’s calls, so I’m not sure. But I don’t care. None of it matters anymore. Not like you do. Can you-do you think you can give me a second chance?”
Jared circles the desk and pulls Jensen up from the chair. Jensen makes a small noise of protest, and then Jared’s lips are on his. It takes Jensen a second to realize this is actually happening, and he fists Jared’s shirt in both hands and holds on tight.
They kiss until they’re both breathless. Jared rests his forehead against Jensen’s for a moment, then he pulls back and cups Jensen’s face between his palms, forcing eye contact.
“Don’t break my heart again,” he says, his voice breaking slightly.
“I won’t,” he says. He’ll write it out and sign it in blood if Jared asks him to.
Jared just leans in and kisses him again, hard and swift. “Okay,” he says, nodding firmly and starting to smile.
“Really?” Jensen asks, not quite willing to believe it yet.
Jared’s small smile grows into a full-on grin. “Really.”
Jensen exhales. “I am the luckiest bastard on the planet,” he says.
“You really are,” Jared says, and he kisses him again. Jensen’s got Jared’s shirt halfway off when they both jump at the banging on the door.
“Are you guys done kissing and making up yet? I would really like to not fail!” Zac yells.
They laugh, embarrassed.
“I’ve got to finish these conferences,” Jared says regretfully, “Wait for me at home?”
Jensen warms at the way Jared says home like maybe it’s not just his anymore. He nods. “I will.”
They kiss one more time, and then Jared shoos him out the door. Zac just rolls his eyes at both of them, and Jensen does not blush. At all.
Epilogue, Soundtrack & Notes
Master Post