(no subject)
*sigh* I feel good but not right about now. I hate my job and I am miserable almost and it is so hard to stay till the end. I really need to go to school because my work fulfillment ratio sucks balls. I feel empty most of the time. I like how Nikki brought it to my attention tonight that I really need to figure out what my time is worth. You know, like if it is worth it to me to be fucking miserable and a mess for $10.93 an hour at Bank of America. I don't think it is. I hate feeling like shit because of my surroundings. I don't want to go there and be shitty and then turn around and take it out on people. Sometimes, I do that. I don't need anymore reasons to piss Casey off and make him hate me. Speaking of Casey, he sounded sad on the phone again tonight. It might have just been because he was tired but, still.... didn't feel too good. I wonder if he wanted to tell me something but didn't because I was not at home. OH... BTW omega 3 fish oil pills are fucking nasty. Every time that I burped it tasted like tuna or something like it. I dunno if this is gonna be worth it. Why do I think that I am gonna find some miracle to be thin? I'm so fucking lazy about stuff that it is insane. I gotta stop that for sure. I gotta do a lot of things and the problem is finding the willpower to do them. I guess in reality... if I want something bad enough then I need to shit or get off the pot because life (or the things I want) could pass me by. Ugh... I am so very excited for Friday. I have all these plans so I hope that they pan out. I usually make plans and then nothing ever goes right. I guess that's why I like to try, or attempt in being spontaneous. I just wish that I didn't have to spend my money all the fucking time. It is so stressful. It's like you can't do anything called fun without having money to pull it off. Whatever happened to plain old fun? I don't even know what it is anymore. I can't wait for school. I can't wait to have real money and do real things. I can't wait for Beantown. I will love it. I better! There's so much to do there. The only deal is making frenz. There will always be something. Hot Damn! Alright alright. I am silly tonight. Mostly because I am in a really good mood. I have good friends, a good boy and mostly...I have hope. Hope is a powerful drug.