(no subject)
I don't really know why I am here staring at this blank page. I don't have anything that I really want to say. I spent all of last weekend with Casey and I loved it. I think that I liked it so much that I'm in no rush to do it again. I don't want to become super attached. I'm already "needy." I don't wanna over do it.... but it was fun. We actually got to relive a conversation that took place while I was intoxicated and I don't have a shitload of questions anymore. I'm perfectly content. I dunno why it was so hard to talk about in the first place though. It's me. It should be easy. Eventually. I keep checking my buddy list but there's no luck. Why? Why do I keep looking. Why can't I just be like... "eehhh, fuck it." Drives me crazy. I just keep hoping that he will get on to tell me goodnight but I don't think it's gonna happen. Maybe he's not home. See, I've already become too comfortable with the fact that he's (almost) always there. I like it so much though, it's comforting and it feels good to have someone for once. I AM needy. I am the girl that I never ever want to be. Maybe I should just not be online for quite a few days and find something to do this weekend where I don't think about you or miss you or try to talk to you and I will be ok. I need to not be the girl that evey guy hates. I hate myself for it. I hate that I crave attention yet it is the lack of it that drove me to be this way. Sometimes I think, that I am just too much. All I keep doing is playing over and over in my head standing outside of TGIFriday's with Casey smoking a cigarette and him telling me that I'm needy. In all honesty, I just wanted to get in my car and leave and that be that. I mean really, I felt that bad that I just wanted to crawl in a hole and not look back. I am only being myself and being needy is NEVER a good thing. I don't know how to change it because no one has ever told me it before and now I just feel like my wanting to talk to him or my wanting to see him is going to be annoying or "needy." I almost now, feel like I HAVE to be distant, that I HAVE to not talk to him for days because if I don't then I am too much. See... see what my head does to me all the time.
God I am so done being an idiot. ANYWAY.....Uuuuuhhhmmm.... I have a job interview tomorrow. customer service at the mall. I really hope I get it. I had another interview yesterday but I am almost positive that I won't get it. I really want the one tomorrow though. I need a job so I can occupy my time better. Megan, came up with this amazing gift idea for her b/f and I am totally gonna rip it off. I know i know, I should come up with my own ideas but it is so awesome. I can never come up with the shit that Meg comes up with anyway. Just amazing. So yeah... I really really need more money. I'm down to $300 in my savings now because of my spending habbits and I only have $50 in my checking. I'm just glad that I am not to the point that I got to when I was friends with Meg. Where after so long I just can't take it anymore and it killed our friendship for a while. A long while. I'm crossing my fingers and I'm hoping for a job.
God I am so done being an idiot. ANYWAY.....Uuuuuhhhmmm.... I have a job interview tomorrow. customer service at the mall. I really hope I get it. I had another interview yesterday but I am almost positive that I won't get it. I really want the one tomorrow though. I need a job so I can occupy my time better. Megan, came up with this amazing gift idea for her b/f and I am totally gonna rip it off. I know i know, I should come up with my own ideas but it is so awesome. I can never come up with the shit that Meg comes up with anyway. Just amazing. So yeah... I really really need more money. I'm down to $300 in my savings now because of my spending habbits and I only have $50 in my checking. I'm just glad that I am not to the point that I got to when I was friends with Meg. Where after so long I just can't take it anymore and it killed our friendship for a while. A long while. I'm crossing my fingers and I'm hoping for a job.