(no subject)
so, today is friday. I just spent the last two days (and nights) with my boyfriend. I feel like when I go there, that's it. There's no one else in the world and it's just the two of us. It weird. I like it a lot but at the same time I don't. It makes coming home so much harder. I need to get a job though so that we can have money to do things, I wanna go out and just... have fun. Oh wow... that sentance is all sorts of fucked. Ahahaha I know I know mom, girls aren't supposed to be doing that. Whatever... I just love him. I love driving to his house because it's so far away from everything that I know. It's calming. I just wish I had a speedometer. It makes me miss driving to Todd's apartment. I miss that whole deal in general. Damn... stupid bitches and roomates gotta ruin it. *sigh* Casey makes me so fucking happy if it were happening to anyone else I'd puke. I'd be soooo jealous, but I have it, he's mine and I LOVE it. He wrote me a poem thingy the other night. It was so cute. It made me cry because it was really really sweet and no one has ever done that for me before. They say that all relationships go through a "honeymoon" phase and stuff but I hope that ours never dies. I like this mushy goofball corny junk so much that if I lose it I'll get mad. I know it. It's weird how my brain works and the shit that I think of. I'm just so.... crazy about this boy that I fear losing a grip on reality and hanging out in the clouds. I like that every now and then he snaps me back into it though. I think he's really good for me and that makes me happiest overall. I stole this from When Harry Met Sally....."I love that after I spend a day with you, I can still smell you on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of the life to start as soon as possible." Yeah.... *sigh*
Now that the vacation is over, it seems time to get back into the swing of things. I don't want a job. I don't want to work. I just wanna be a bum. I am tired of sitting on my ass. I'm tired of having to buy really nice, normal clothes when I could be buying other things that I'd like to wear. I hate that I have to just accept it because that's "how it is." Why? Why's it gotta be like that and why should I just deal with it? hmm? Tell me, please. I wish that I had decided to go to school so much sooner so that I'd be starting classes on Monday instead of having to wait until February. Man oh man. I applied at the fucking Hess station today because I really need money and I have to stop thinking that certain jobs are beneath me. That's a big part of my problem. I won't work at certain jobs because I feel like I am too good to have them. What's up with that. No where else in my life do I think that but for jobs... it's clearly apparent. I hate the bank so much because I know that I don't belong there with drug addicts and welfare scumbags plus the work sucks big fucking balls. I wish that I didn't think like that. I also applied online for a data processing job in Clifton Park and for an administrative assistant at Albany Med. Hopefully I'll get something. I say that I don't want an office job anymore but seriously.... they do pay the best. I guess that I'll just have to suck it up because my bank account is dry and my unemployment checks are running out. I just need money. Money money money. UGH. I hate growing up. Shit was so much better when you could just do whatever you want. It's better when I am bieng pushed with positivity though and not negativity. When I'm made to feel good about it instead of like everything is wrong if I don't work. I hope that you, yes you, can handle the fact that I'm quite immature when it comes to work. It worries me. I told you that already though. I dunno......
Now that the vacation is over, it seems time to get back into the swing of things. I don't want a job. I don't want to work. I just wanna be a bum. I am tired of sitting on my ass. I'm tired of having to buy really nice, normal clothes when I could be buying other things that I'd like to wear. I hate that I have to just accept it because that's "how it is." Why? Why's it gotta be like that and why should I just deal with it? hmm? Tell me, please. I wish that I had decided to go to school so much sooner so that I'd be starting classes on Monday instead of having to wait until February. Man oh man. I applied at the fucking Hess station today because I really need money and I have to stop thinking that certain jobs are beneath me. That's a big part of my problem. I won't work at certain jobs because I feel like I am too good to have them. What's up with that. No where else in my life do I think that but for jobs... it's clearly apparent. I hate the bank so much because I know that I don't belong there with drug addicts and welfare scumbags plus the work sucks big fucking balls. I wish that I didn't think like that. I also applied online for a data processing job in Clifton Park and for an administrative assistant at Albany Med. Hopefully I'll get something. I say that I don't want an office job anymore but seriously.... they do pay the best. I guess that I'll just have to suck it up because my bank account is dry and my unemployment checks are running out. I just need money. Money money money. UGH. I hate growing up. Shit was so much better when you could just do whatever you want. It's better when I am bieng pushed with positivity though and not negativity. When I'm made to feel good about it instead of like everything is wrong if I don't work. I hope that you, yes you, can handle the fact that I'm quite immature when it comes to work. It worries me. I told you that already though. I dunno......