my boyfriend is perfect

[sophiasmoke]

So i said i wouldn't get on the computer... I should be going to sleep because I'm just super tired but I was more hungry than anything. So... I made me a sammich. I went all day without taking my trim-spa. A whole freaking day. It's insane, I know. I dunno... the past few days I've just been feeling so damn good that I feel like I don't need to take them. It's really nice to not feel gross. I'd elaborate on why exactly I feel so good but I'm afraid some people would rather not know the details. I had a great time today with Casey at his friends' wedding. I was a total bore but he seemed to be ok with that... thank god. heh. I was stupid earlier.... Casey said something along the lines of asking me how I was or something I don't remember but, I thought he said "i love you" so what do i do, I say "i love you too" then felt like a total retard for saying the wrong thing because I didn't hear correctly. Ugh... I need a hearing aid or some shit. I can hear mumbling and shit from the other room that is about me but I can't understand someone not even 10 inches away from my ear. WTF. Oh... I'm a little dizzy... that is weird. While we're on the topic of love... do you ever think that you can say it too much? I think that I say it way too much and that because of that, it's losing its meaning or becoming annoying. I don't wanna wear it out. It's not a pair of shoes that you can just replace when the soles have worn thin. I picked the right word though when talking to Casey tonight, I am enamored by him. Look it up, you'll know what i mean. It's hard to sum up the words for how he makes me feel. I've never been able to express things like that. I told him that the girl on the Real World said it the best, it was like she took my damn words out of my mouth. She said "i think the people you're supposed to be with lift you up and make you better and you should do the same for them and if you have that blessing and are happy then there is no reason to ever stop." I like the way he takes my face in his hands and tells me how good I make him feel, or how much I mean to him. It makes me feel like I'm on a fucking cloud in paradise and nothing can ever go wrong. It's amazing. I dunno. It's so freaking weird how we seem to fit so fucking perfectly. I guess I'm trying to find a way to justify it in my own head. I just feel at times that maybe I love him too much too soon. I can't help it. I can't NOT think that from the back of my mind. Ugh anyway... I think the reality of it is that it scares me. It's so amazing that I just don't want to fuck up. Do you even understand what I'm trying to say. I'm not high, I'm not drunk, I have no excuse for sounding like a retard, well, except that i'm falling asleep while typing. I'm only expelling what is on my mind right now. We had the most awesome talks tonight and it was great. It was in very close comparison to the conversations that Todd and I have. I'm getting to the point where I feel like I can say anything that I want to and I know that it will be ok. I won't be yelled at or ignored because I pissed someone off. I don't really know where the hell I am going with this story right now. I just yawned like 11 times in a row and I can barely keep my eyes open. I can tell I'm gonna sleep a whole lot tomorrow. Anyway, I just wanna share my neurosis.... If I didn't then I wouldn't be able to go to sleep. These thoughts before this are just a few of what goes through my brain.

I TOTALLY have to STOP saying "sweet." It's so getting on my nerves.

P.S. he actually gave me his favorite hoodie and now I wanna scream..... I can't though, if I wake my mom up, she'll deck me.