[to stay our minds on and be staid]
I hit this really bad funk this week. I don't know what caused it - a combination of little things, general lack of mental stimulation (I adore the reading I'm doing for Muggle Studies, but we don't discuss it and until I start my final paper I'll have no reason to apply it and augh), a minor bout of homesickness, general loneliness, lack of creative outlet (I haven't tagged in a week and a half), the sudden change in the weather (LOOK AT THE SKY. NOW BACK AT ME. THE TWO FEET OF SNOW IS NOW A LIGHT BREEZE), personal feelings of inadequacy (WAAAAAAAAUGH SUDDENLY I'M THE WORST MUSICIAN EVERRRRRRRRR I AM A LAZY SLOOOOOOOOOB I'LL NEVER BE A LAWYERRRRRRRRRR). Could really have been anything, or Just One Of Those Things.
I think all I really needed, though, was someone to tell me that I'm not completely fucking up my life. I went to my adviser today, after a minor panic attack last night over what the everloving Hell I'm going to do with my life. Turns out I'll be finishing this semester as a junior, after only two semesters of work, and still be on the way to graduating with honors (provided I don't shoot myself in the foot with my ecology grade). Turns out I have a whole year left in which to decide if I'm willing not to take a second major despite threats of being disowned (not really). Turns out I have time to take Chinese, for no other reason than that I want a third language. Turns out that most things are not the end of the world.
I'm relieved. The weather is good. Arashi is writing a song and I get to yell a lot in it ("IKUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!"). Choir concert was beautiful and wonderful and glorious. I'm hideously busy and slightly panicky, but I'll have free time for the first time in a few weeks by tomorrow. Things will work out. They always do.
Though I'm facing this irritating lack of a long-term project that's kind of killing my drive. German homework, for all that I enjoy the class and desperately need the refresher, is not too difficult. Reading 200 pages a week for Muggle Studies would be more fulfilling if we talked about it in class, but we don't. Ecology is nice, but ~keeping a tree journal~ is just not really mentally stimulating ("Day 4: More leaves than yesterday. Birds in the branches. Might be a nest at the top"). I might start my damn Muggle Studies essay early. Start looking for articles. Go research-happy. I need to feel like I've accomplished something.
Fandom notes: Homestuck has devoured my soul now that xxxHolic is ended. It fills the hole in my heart where all the glorious timefuck and fascinating intricate coincidence and exciting multiverse used to be. This could end up being dangerous. |D
I think all I really needed, though, was someone to tell me that I'm not completely fucking up my life. I went to my adviser today, after a minor panic attack last night over what the everloving Hell I'm going to do with my life. Turns out I'll be finishing this semester as a junior, after only two semesters of work, and still be on the way to graduating with honors (provided I don't shoot myself in the foot with my ecology grade). Turns out I have a whole year left in which to decide if I'm willing not to take a second major despite threats of being disowned (not really). Turns out I have time to take Chinese, for no other reason than that I want a third language. Turns out that most things are not the end of the world.
I'm relieved. The weather is good. Arashi is writing a song and I get to yell a lot in it ("IKUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!"). Choir concert was beautiful and wonderful and glorious. I'm hideously busy and slightly panicky, but I'll have free time for the first time in a few weeks by tomorrow. Things will work out. They always do.
Though I'm facing this irritating lack of a long-term project that's kind of killing my drive. German homework, for all that I enjoy the class and desperately need the refresher, is not too difficult. Reading 200 pages a week for Muggle Studies would be more fulfilling if we talked about it in class, but we don't. Ecology is nice, but ~keeping a tree journal~ is just not really mentally stimulating ("Day 4: More leaves than yesterday. Birds in the branches. Might be a nest at the top"). I might start my damn Muggle Studies essay early. Start looking for articles. Go research-happy. I need to feel like I've accomplished something.
Fandom notes: Homestuck has devoured my soul now that xxxHolic is ended. It fills the hole in my heart where all the glorious timefuck and fascinating intricate coincidence and exciting multiverse used to be. This could end up being dangerous. |D