Lacuna
★Title: Lacuna for hunchou ♡
★Pairing: Kyungsoo/Sehun
★Rating: pg-13
★Length: 4881 words
★Author’s notes/Messages for the recipient: I know you asked for smut, but the way I wrote the fic I thought smut would feel like an afterthought which I didn't want because it would trivialize the story. I am completely willing to write a smutshot for you after reveals! Also thank you to J for helping me work through this.
★Summary: When Kyungsoo meets up with his old high school friends, everyone remembers Oh Sehun but him. It's even more frustrating that Oh Sehun is ridiculously hot and unfortunately taken.
Kyungsoo opens his inbox to find an email from Byun Baekhyun. Eight years and he hasn’t heard a peep from his former best friend until now.
“Meetup!” says the subject line. Kyungsoo browses the email; Baekhyun wants to get together at a cafe with a few other guys from high school. He recognizes some of the names: Park Chanyeol, Kim Jongdae. But some of them he doesn’t recognize, and he wonders if maybe they’re people he really didn’t know. Oh Sehun, Kim Jongin.
But what can he possibly say besides “sure, let’s get together?” Because he wants to. He honestly wants to see how his friends from high school have changed, what they’re doing now, what kind of people they’ve become. Maybe he’ll like them more now than he did in high school.
So he replies to the email, Baekhyun gives him a time and place, and Kyungsoo goes to bed, momentarily forgetting about the meeting.
When Friday rolls around, it’s his phone that reminds him that he’s meeting up with his high school friends. He curses loudly, having forgotten completely that he was supposed to be there. He’s lucky the cafe isn’t far from his office, so he’s only a few minutes late.
He looks around the cafe, scanning for the hopefully still-familiar face of his old best friend.
“Kyungsoo!” he hears a call, and it’s still-lanky, still-too-tall Park Chanyeol who comes up to him with a big smile. To be perfectly honest, Kyungsoo had never really taken to Park Chanyeol, and now he remembers why. “How are you? It’s been such a long time. We’re only waiting on Sehun and Jongdae now! Come sit down!” He ushers Kyungsoo to a table near the back of the cafe where Baekhyun and a man who is presumably Kim Jongin are sitting.
“Hi, Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun grins, and Jongin throws in a “hey, how’s it going?”
“Hi guys,” Kyungsoo replies, “nice to see you again.”
“Sit down!” Chanyeol grins, letting Kyungsoo sit in the chair next to him. They sit and it’s a little awkward until Kim Jongin breaks the silence.
“So what are you guys doing these days? How was college and stuff?”
“Better than high school,” Kyungsoo says quickly. The other guys laugh, but it wasn’t a joke. Kyungsoo had absolutely hated high school. There was nothing about it he’d liked, not even these so-called “friends” of his. They’d just been allies rather than friends, and allies were something everyone needed in the hellhole of enemies that was their high school. Kyungsoo had been bullied for everything from his big eyes to his chubbiness to his study tactics. His sexuality was almost constantly questioned, and to this day he still hasn’t admitted he’s gay because he fears the backlash. Only his high school friends know. He fears the bullying more than anything, even ten years later.
“I have a girlfriend now,” Baekhyun says proudly, and Jongin laughs.
“You? Byunbaek the forever alone?” he cackles, and Chanyeol pipes up.
“What’s she like?”
“Her name is Junmyeon,” Baekhyun grins. “I met her at work. She’s my boss.”
“You’re dating your boss?” Chanyeol asks, and Kyungsoo has to laugh now.
“Typical,” he says, and he smirks at Baekhyun because he remembers all the mature-rated manhwa Baekhyun would read in high school. It was always a teacher-student relationship, a boss-employee relationship. “Of course you’d date your boss.”
“Shut up,” Baekhyun chuckles, and Kyungsoo feels like maybe he’s easing into all of this.
That is, until Chanyeol turns around. Two other people are coming up to their table, and Kyungsoo recognizes one of them as Kim Jongdae. More surprising is the guy next to him, though, who can only be Oh Sehun.
But Kyungsoo doesn’t remember ever having a friend who was that incredibly attractive.
“Well,” Jongdae says, “we’re here. Hi, Kyungsoo. Long time no see.”
“Hi,” Kyungsoo says distractedly. Who is Oh Sehun and why is he so hot? Why doesn’t Kyungsoo remember him?
Sehun looks at Kyungsoo and smiles and um fuck because he’s too gorgeous. “Hi, Kyungsoo,” he says. He has a lisp. Wouldn’t Kyungsoo remember that? Kyungsoo’s starting to think that maybe he had some sort of traumatic experience and that’s why some of his memories are gone and wow Kyungsoo definitely should remember this guy.
“We were talking about how Baekhyun has a girlfriend. How about you guys?” Jongin asks. Kyungsoo’s not half as perturbed that he doesn’t remember Kim Jongin either.
Sehun scratches the back of his neck sheepishly - and Kyungsoo registers that neither he nor Jongdae have taken a seat yet. “Actually, me and Jongdae are together,” he says, and Baekhyun kind of squeals.
“What?” Chanyeol cries. “Sehun, you’re gay?”
Sehun frowns. “Is that so surprising? When all of us are gay why wouldn’t I be?”
“I’m not gay!” Baekhyun replies indignantly, but Jongdae just lets out a scoffing laugh.
“It’s kind of hard to tell that you’re not gay when our only memory of your romantic endeavors is making out with Chanyeol at pretty much every party we went to,” Jongdae says. Kyungsoo remembers. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were almost constantly making out during high school, and while they always insisted they were just best friends, Kyungsoo couldn’t help but think they had definitely experimented quite a bit with each other.
So how come Kyungsoo can remember little details like that but he can’t remember this gorgeous creature that is Oh Sehun?
“Kyungsoo?” Sehun asks, and Kyungsoo sits up a little too straight, a little too fast. “Do you have a boyfriend?”
“Um…” Kyungsoo replies. “I...yeah,” he lies. “Yeah um, he’s...we met in college. He’s great. Chinese.”
“Oh,” Sehun says with a smile. “That’s nice.”
“That’s weird, you mean,” Jongdae pipes up. “Kyungsoo always scoffed at me when I liked Chinese guys, but now that he’s dating one it’s not weird anymore.”
“It was only because you always liked the tall, ridiculously handsome and out of your league Chinese guys,” Kyungsoo replies defensively.
“Well, now he’s dating a tall, not-that-handsome and definitely in his league Korean guy,” Jongin laughs, and Kyungsoo has to disagree. Sehun is kind of incredibly handsome. He’s jealous of Jongdae. He’ll admit that freely, even after just meeting Sehun. Or, he supposes this isn’t actually the first time they’ve met, but it’s the first he remembers of this guy.
The rest of the coffee goes smoothly enough - Kyungsoo can’t help but peer at Sehun periodically. Sehun peers back once in a while, and Kyungsoo has to look away because he’s embarrassed that he doesn’t remember having such a hot friend.
They all exchange phone numbers and promise not to let each other drift away like they had for the past ten years. They’re about to leave when Sehun grabs Kyungsoo’s arm.
“Do you want to get lunch sometime, Kyungsoo?” he asks. Kyungsoo’s a little taken aback - not only is Jongdae in earshot, but he’s smiling pleasantly while listening to their conversation - so Kyungsoo concludes that this is merely a friendly outing and nothing more.
And that’s fine with him. He’d love to get to know Sehun better. So he nods, hoping that the heat in his cheeks isn’t manifesting as a blush. “Sure,” he says. “Just...text me, or whatever.”
“Awesome,” Sehun smiles. He fumbles a bit trying to take Jongdae’s arm before they leave the cafe, and Kyungsoo is feeling a little giddy.
He only vaguely wonders what must have happened for him to forget Oh Sehun.
The text from Sehun comes the next morning while Kyungsoo’s at work. Kyungsoo can’t contain his excitement, even though he knows he should because Sehun is taken, for God’s sake.
“Want to get lunch tomorrow and catch up properly?” Sehun’s text reads. Kyungsoo replies almost immediately with a “sure, where?” and they decide on where and when to meet. Kyungsoo feels silly combing his hair in the bathroom, but if it’ll make Sehun like him more, it’s worth it.
When Kyungsoo gets to the restaurant, Sehun’s already sitting at a table, waving at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo can’t help but smile - Sehun’s handsome but he can also be cute, apparently.
“Hi,” Kyungsoo says when he’s close enough to Sehun, taking off his coat and hanging it on the back of his chair.
“Hi,” Sehun says with a smile. “I was wondering if you’d come.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Kyungsoo asked with a chuckle, and Sehun laughed too as Kyungsoo sat down. “It’s nice to catch up with old friends.”
“I’m glad you think so,” Sehun says, “because I’ve been wondering about you for a while. How was college? And what do you do now? I didn’t really get to ask you yesterday.”
Kyungsoo takes a sip of the water that’s already on the table for him, and he smiles. “That’s a lot of my life to cover. I mean...college was good. I studied psychology and consulting. Now I’m a public relations employee at Moon Electronics. It’s not that interesting. What about you? When did you graduate?”
“I...I graduated a year after you, actually.”
“Oh,” Kyungsoo’s eyes go wide.
“Yeah, I was studying economics and it’s a fairly straightforward major so I was able to graduate pretty easily. Now I’m just helping out firms with the economics of their business decisions. Also not that interesting.” Sehun looks down at his menu awkwardly, and Kyungsoo does the same. He really doesn’t remember Sehun. And it’s a pity, because right now, Sehun seems like such an interesting character; someone who Kyungsoo really wants to get to know. How could he have forgotten such an intriguing friend?
“Uh, so...how did you and Jongdae get together?” Kyungsoo asks, and he almost wishes he hadn’t because he doesn’t want to see Sehun gush about his old friend.
But Sehun doesn’t gush, he just tells it like it is. “I asked him out a while ago. We’d been spending time together and I just figured...yeah, why not, you know?”
“Ah,” Kyungsoo nods. “Yeah, that makes sense.”
“What about you and your boyfriend? What’s his name?” Sehun wonders, and Kyungsoo is really not prepared for this elaborate lie, but he doesn’t want to seem completely alone in life.
“Um...Kuai...zi. Kuaizi.”
“Doesn’t that mean ‘chopsticks’ in Chinese?” Sehun wonders, his brows furrowed. He looks really cute.
“Um, yes, no, I mean. They’re...different...characters,” he says weakly, mentally kicking himself for only remembering the word for “chopsticks.” But Sehun seems satisfied with his answer and lets Kyungsoo continue. “Yeah, we met in my...um...accounting class. And he’s...an accountant, now.”
“Cool,” Sehun replies, and Kyungsoo didn’t tell Sehun how they got together, but Sehun doesn’t press, and Kyungsoo is thankful for that. He doesn’t really want to lie to Sehun too much. Just enough to make him seem not completely pathetic.
It’s awkward while they wait to order, neither of them really knowing what to say to the other. But when the waitress comes, they both order the same thing.
“Are you copying me?” Sehun asks slyly, and Kyungsoo gets a little flustered.
“No!” Kyungsoo says. “That’s just...what I like.”
Sehun laughs at that, and Kyungsoo doesn’t understand why until the waitress leaves. “Lemongrass beef has always been your favorite, huh?” Sehun says, and he’s not really asking so much as confirming something he already seems to know.
“Yes,” Kyungsoo says slowly. “Were you there that time I tried to make it with Baekhyun and Jongdae?”
“No,” Sehun says, “I don’t think so.”
“Well, I totally burned everything. Baekhyun didn’t want to eat it at all, but I insisted. It wasn’t that bad, really. Jongdae and I thought it tasted pretty good, to be honest, but Baekhyun was a drama queen.”
“As usual,” Sehun said, and Kyungsoo laughed with a nod.
“Yes, as usual.” He decides to try to see if Sehun had been present for any other events; maybe those will trigger his memories of this gorgeous “friend” of his. “Ooh, how about Jongdae’s seventeenth birthday party? That was -”
“Crazy,” Sehun says. “I remember everyone got really drunk.”
“Yeah, that was my first time getting really drunk like that. Did you -”
“I didn’t stay for long...I left once everyone was too drunk to do anything,” Sehun says, taking another sip of water. “Since I was a year younger than you guys, I tended not to stay that long for those sorts of things. I’ve never gotten drunk with you all.”
“Oh,” Kyungsoo says, and he’s more confused now, because he doesn’t remember Sehun being at that party. He doesn’t remember Sehun at all. Now he’s starting to wonder if he ever will. He’d remember someone this tall, this strikingly handsome, with such a distinct voice. But he doesn’t. There’s some sort of gap in his memory, some sort of random blank space. Where did Oh Sehun fit into his life?
“But do you remember that time we went to see Star Wars together when they were showing a special at the theater?” Sehun asks.
“Yes…” Kyungsoo says, but evidently he doesn’t remember it that well because he wouldn’t have guessed that Sehun had come too.
“And Chanyeol spilled his popcorn on you?” Sehun laughs. “You got so mad! You made him get you napkins in the middle of the movie!”
“I...yeah, that sounds about right,” Kyungsoo nods. Why can’t he remember Sehun. “How many people came again?”
Sehun ponders for a moment. “I think it was the six of us plus Minseok-hyung - you remember him, right? - and his friend who we later found out was his boyfriend…oh, and Zitao the exchange student.”
Kyungsoo even remembers Zitao the exchange student - a whiny, childish kid who dressed like a celebrity. Minseok-hyung is foggier in Kyungsoo’s mind, but at least he recognizes the name. And he supposes Kim Jongin is kind of fuzzy in his mind, too. But Sehun is completely absent.
“Right,” Kyungsoo nods. Sehun opens his mouth to say something again when the waitress comes in with their meals, and Kyungsoo thanks the stars that he doesn’t have to continue talking. He changes the subject when the waitress leaves. “So...what’s...how’s work?”
Sehun looks lost, and Kyungsoo knows it was a weak subject change. Sehun doesn’t complain, though, and he starts telling Kyungsoo about his office life. Kyungsoo’s not really listening - he needs to talk to Baekhyun or something. He really needs to. He’s almost sure he’s suffered from some sort of brain trauma now because he doesn’t remember Sehun at all. At all.
“Kyungsoo?” Sehun asks, and Kyungsoo looks up, his mouth full of beef and rice paper.
“Huh?” Kyungsoo says through the food in his mouth. Sehun smiles softly.
“I asked if you liked your job. Sorry, I can ramble sometimes. I know you don’t like that.” And he’s right, Kyungsoo hates when people ramble. But he doesn’t usually tell people that, so he must have been close to Sehun at some point for him to know.
“Mm,” Kyungsoo mumbles, swallowing his food. “Uh, yes. I like it. It’s fine. It’s ok. I don’t mind it.”
Sehun takes a pause, looking at Kyungsoo suspiciously. “Are you okay? You seem skittish. You’re not...still uncomfortable because of high school, are you?”
“No!” Kyungsoo says quickly, because that’s definitely not the reason. He hated high school, sure, but he’s moved on. “No, I’m just...I have a project...at work. And it’s stressing me out a bit. Sorry.”
“If you have to get back, that’s okay,” Sehun says graciously, but Kyungsoo shakes his head. He’s going to make the most of his time with Sehun, even if he has no chance at all. For now, he’ll just forget about the fact that he doesn’t know where Sehun comes from.
“No,” Kyungsoo smiles, “I want to stay. It’s nice hanging out again.”
“Yeah,” Sehun grins. “Did I tell you that I’m going to meet Baekhyun and his boss-slash-girlfriend this weekend?”
“No,” Kyungsoo says, “but what is up with that even? What woman in power would date a good-for-nothing like Baekhyun?”
“I know, right? The kid who was constantly getting in trouble and hitting on every older woman he saw and making out with Chanyeol at every opportunity? Now he has a girlfriend who’s probably hot.”
“To be honest, I thought he was gay…” Kyungsoo says, looking up at Sehun, who’s smiling really adorably. “I mean, besides the weird manhwas he read.”
“Yeah,” Sehun laughs. “I mean, when the rest of us all were…” He looks at Kyungsoo pointedly, but Kyungsoo’s not really sure what Sehun’s trying to get at.
“Right,” Kyungsoo nods, hoping that this satisfies whatever Sehun’s looking for.
It seems to, and the rest of the lunch goes as smoothly as it possibly can, considering the obvious blank in Kyungsoo’s memory.
Before they leave, Sehun asks Kyungsoo if he wants to see the new James Bond movie that weekend. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to assume it’s a date, because why would Sehun take Kyungsoo on a date when he’s obviously very much in love with Jongdae? And besides, Kyungsoo supposedly has a boyfriend, so this really won’t be a date.
“Sure,” Kyungsoo says with a shy smile. It’ll be nice to do date-like activities with a handsome man, whether or not Kyungsoo has a real chance with him.
It’s weird, but Sehun keeps asking if Kyungsoo wants to do increasingly date-like activities. They go to the movies, to the aquarium, even on a ferris wheel together.
And on each “date,” Kyungsoo falls even more in love. He shouldn’t, he knows that. He’s “taken” and Sehun is actually taken, and that of course it’s ridiculous that he has fallen in love with Sehun because none of these have actually been dates.
He can’t help it. Sehun is gorgeous, tall, broad. He smiles at Kyungsoo constantly, laughs with him (and sometimes at him) and Kyungsoo just feels so warm around him. They’ve gotten to know each other fairly well; they have their little inside jokes - Kyungsoo likes teasing Sehun about his lisp and Sehun pokes fun at Kyungsoo’s narrow shoulders - and Kyungsoo doesn’t even mind the gap in his memory because he feels like it’s being filled when he’s with Sehun. He only wishes he could have Sehun for himself, but he’s not about to wreck his relationship with Jongdae. He’ll wait patiently and hope that one day he’ll get his chance.
They take a carriage ride together one winter evening after a dinner at a very fancy restaurant. It’s a cold, clear night, and their breath mingles in clouds of fog as they laugh together.
“Come on, Kyungsoo!” Sehun grins as he takes Kyungsoo’s hand and pulls him toward the carriage. They climb in, Sehun helping Kyungsoo up in a very gentlemanly fashion. There’s a blanket for them there, covering their legs so they don’t get too cold. But Kyungsoo’s not cold. He likes sitting next to Sehun, feeling the warmth of his body. Sehun leans into Kyungsoo - just what a friend would do, right? - and Kyungsoo slips a hand around Sehun’s waist - because that is what friends do, right? - and it’s silent for a few minutes. Kyungsoo thinks he might be able to hear Sehun’s heartbeat though the silent winter air.
Kyungsoo is so in love it’s almost painful. “Sehun,” he says quietly, “this is really nice.”
“Mm,” Sehun says, leaning his head against Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “I’m glad you think so.” He looks up at Kyungsoo, and then sits up straight, taking Kyungsoo’s hand. For a heart-thumping second, Sehun leans in ever so slowly, and Kyungsoo lets his eyes flutter closed before he realizes what’s happening.
He jumps back. “Sehun!” he cries with a nervous laugh. “You have a boyfriend.”
Sehun looks like he’s forgotten that fact entirely and he looks as if he knows he’s made a huge mistake. “Oh, God,” he says. “I’m sorry. I - it’s just - I’m sorry, I got caught up in -”
“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo smiles sadly. “It’s okay. Let’s just not go there.” He squeezes Sehun’s hand in a gesture of reassurance that anything but kissing is okay with him. He’d love to kiss Sehun, honestly, but it’s not fair to Jongdae. Holding hands is fine if they’re just friends. Hugging and going on these “dates” is fine if they’re just friends. But kissing crosses the line, and Kyungsoo’s not sure he could hold back if that were to happen.
Sehun has this sheepish look on his face for the rest of the night. Or maybe it’s just the cold biting at his cheeks that has them looking so pink.
When Sehun drops Kyungsoo off at home later (it’s not like it’s a date sort of drop off; it’s just because Sehun has a car, that’s all), they stand outside Kyungsoo’s door in the cold, holding each other’s hands for far longer than they really should. Kyungsoo can’t help if Sehun’s also wondering about things that could be.
“Well,” Sehun says after a few minutes (seconds? Kyungsoo’s not sure), “I’ll see you later?”
“At Baekhyun’s party tomorrow,” Kyungsoo replies, “right?”
Sehun smiles. “Right,” he says, squeezing Kyungsoo’s hand. “See you tomorrow, then.”
He leaves and Kyungsoo goes to bed, dreaming of the kiss that almost was.
Kim Junmyeon is beautiful. Baekhyun’s boss-slash-girlfriend looks like a Korean Grace Kelly. She’s dressed in a pretty dark blue dress and her eyes are wide, makeup almost expertly applied. She smiles when she opens the door for Kyungsoo, and her teeth are perfectly straight. She’s totally his type.
But all Kyungsoo can see is Sehun smiling at him from the living room.
“You must be Kyungsoo!” Junmyeon says, and Kyungsoo greets her quickly before waving back at Sehun with a shy smile. Junmyeon follows him into the living room, where there are a few people he doesn’t recognize along with his high school friends. He can’t help but walk right up to Sehun.
“Hi,” he says, and Sehun smiles fondly at him.
“Hi,” he replies. Jongdae steps forward and side-eyes Kyungsoo with a smirk.
“So, I hear you’ve been spending a lot of time together,” he says, and Kyungsoo goes into panic mode.
“Ah! I - well, yes, but it’s nothing - I mean, it’s not like - Sehun doesn’t - we don’t see each other that way; never have. Either of us.” He chuckles nervously, but Jongdae and Sehun just stare at him blankly. Neither of them are smiling, and Kyungsoo thinks he can even see a hint of a frown on Sehun’s face. Kyungsoo decides he must have messed up big time. Now Jongdae’s going to hate him and Sehun’s going to avoid him forever.
“I think you were right after all,” Jongdae says to Sehun, and Sehun nods dejectedly. Kyungsoo looks between them, incredibly confused. It’s then that Baekhyun and Chanyeol come up to greet them, starting to explain why Jongin isn’t there yet.
“Oh man, something went down,” Chanyeol says, and Baekhyun looks at Sehun’s face.
“Uh, what’s going on?” he asks, but Jongdae cuts in.
“Kyungsoo, you don’t remember Sehun from high school, do you?” he asks calmly, and Kyungsoo is so flustered because all his high school friends are watching him closely.
“I - of course I do,” he lies.
“No, you really don’t,” Jongdae says, this scary grin forming on his face.
“Oh God,” Chanyeol winces, and that scares Kyungsoo quite a bit, “I’m leaving. I’m gonna call Jongin and tell him not to come.” Kyungsoo wants to edge away too, but he’s under the scrutinization of three men who are unfortunately all taller than he is.
“Let me explain,” Jongdae says, but Sehun catches his arm.
“Jongdae, don’t,” he says, and Kyungsoo fully agrees with Sehun, but Jongdae isn’t listening.
“Do Kyungsoo, please recall your sophomore year of high school, as difficult as that is. I know, twelve years ago is a long time. But specifically this was right before Christmas vacation,” Jongdae says in a voice that’s reminiscent of a chick-flick narrator. Kyungsoo thinks back to that time so long ago, but there’s not much he remembers about it.
“Uh…” he mumbles, waiting for Jongdae to get to the point so he can get this over with. He can already tell it’s going to be embarrassing.
“Jongdae, really, stop,” Sehun says, “it doesn’t matter.”
“Kyungsoo,” Jongdae continues, ignoring Sehun. “During that time, you were asked out by a boy for the first time. He was scrawny and kind of weird looking. And he had a lisp. That boy was named Oh Sehun.”
Kyungsoo’s jaw drops. He remembers. He remembers everything.
Kyungsoo had never really noticed Oh Sehun. He was kind of a tiny, skinny kid with no real handsomeness about him. He and his slightly-cooler-and-more-put-together friend Jongin hung out with Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, Jongdae, and Baekhyun, but Kyungsoo had never considered Sehun a friend. He was more like a little underclassman leech. Or, not really a leech, because it wasn’t as if Sehun took things from Kyungsoo. He just stuck there. To all four of them, not just Kyungsoo.
It wasn’t that Kyungsoo didn’t like Sehun. He was just kind of forgettable, that’s all. Small, uninteresting, and unimpressive.
But Kyungsoo wasn’t perfect either, not by any means. His biggest flaw was his inability to read people’s emotions. His friends called him oblivious, but it was just a nice way of calling him incredibly self-absorbed, so much so that he missed everything that was going on in other people’s lives. Looking back on his high school years, he wonders how he had any friends at all.
His emotional blindness led to what he thought was a minor problem one day after lunch. Sehun caught him by the hand as his friends left the cafeteria to get to their classes.
“Can I ask you something?” Sehun wondered. Kyungsoo looked down at the tiny freshman who never left him and his friends alone with a scornful expression, but he nodded anyway.
“Kyungsoo, um,” Sehun said, his face gradually changing from pink to scarlet. “I reallylikeyouandIwaswonderingifyou’dgooutwithme.”
“What,” Kyungsoo deadpanned, thinking that this blubbering child was wasting his time.
“I...was wondering if you would go out with me,” Sehun said shyly, looking at his toes.
Kyungsoo stepped back. “Um, I...don’t think so.” It wasn’t polite or tactful, just scornful like everything else Kyungsoo did. But Kyungsoo wasn’t the type to feel very sorry about things. He pitied Sehun for a full five minutes before brushing off how hurt Sehun looked as he walked away.
Kyungsoo wouldn’t have noticed that Sehun and Jongin weren’t hanging out with them anymore after Christmas vacation if Chanyeol hadn’t pointed it out, and even then it was only a fleeting thought and nothing more.
“God, Jongdae, you didn’t have to recount the whole fucking story,” Sehun says, his hand on his very red face. “That was a low point in my life, okay?”
Baekhyun claps him on the back in consolation, but Jongdae laughs. Kyungsoo, on the other hand, is mortified. Not only was he a horrible person in the past, he’s possibly just re-alienated the guy he’s undeniably in love with.
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo says, shaking with nervousness. “I’m so sorry. I - I don’t feel like that anymore. Really, you’re - I mean, you probably were great back then too but I was too self-absorbed to see that and now - I mean, now…” he trails off, unable to continue. He can’t tell Sehun that he has feelings for him, especially not after the revelation of the fiasco that was high school.
“Kyungsoo,” Jongdae says, taking his shoulder, “I think Sehun has something to tell you.”
“No I don’t,” Sehun says quickly, but Kyungsoo’s heart is beating fast. He think he wants to hear this for some reason.
“Tell him,” Baekhyun says like he’s Sehun’s mother. Sehun puffs out his cheeks in defeat before turning to Kyungsoo.
“I’m not really dating Jongdae,” he admits. Kyungsoo freezes. “ I just didn’t want to seem...you know, as lame as I was back then. I wanted to look cool to you.”
“Oh,” Kyungsoo manages to eke out.
“And?” Jongdae elbows Sehun, whose face is now a brilliant shade of crimson.
“And I’m still totally in love with you. I know that’s burdensome, considering you have your boyfriend and -”
“I don’t!” Kyungsoo cries as fast as he can. “I...made him up. I didn’t want to seem lame to you either because you were so hot and - oh my God - I…”
Jongdae makes a satisfied noise. “Nice. This is where Baek and I are going to take our leave and I’m going to get back to my real boyfriend. Bye!” Baekhyun and Jongdae saunter off into the next room, where Jongdae latches to a very tall man. But Kyungsoo’s not thinking about that. He turns to Sehun with a smile.
“Can I ask you something?” Kyungsoo wonders, and Sehun grins. “Will you go out with me?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” Sehun replies, wrapping his arms (strong arms…) around Kyungsoo’s waist and kissing him like he’s been deprived for weeks.
Which he has been. And it’s so perfect. His lips are soft and warm and insistent just as Kyungsoo had imagined.
Even though the gap in his memory isn’t a gap after all, it’s been filled and filled over in the most perfect way possible.
★Pairing: Kyungsoo/Sehun
★Rating: pg-13
★Length: 4881 words
★Author’s notes/Messages for the recipient: I know you asked for smut, but the way I wrote the fic I thought smut would feel like an afterthought which I didn't want because it would trivialize the story. I am completely willing to write a smutshot for you after reveals! Also thank you to J for helping me work through this.
★Summary: When Kyungsoo meets up with his old high school friends, everyone remembers Oh Sehun but him. It's even more frustrating that Oh Sehun is ridiculously hot and unfortunately taken.
Kyungsoo opens his inbox to find an email from Byun Baekhyun. Eight years and he hasn’t heard a peep from his former best friend until now.
“Meetup!” says the subject line. Kyungsoo browses the email; Baekhyun wants to get together at a cafe with a few other guys from high school. He recognizes some of the names: Park Chanyeol, Kim Jongdae. But some of them he doesn’t recognize, and he wonders if maybe they’re people he really didn’t know. Oh Sehun, Kim Jongin.
But what can he possibly say besides “sure, let’s get together?” Because he wants to. He honestly wants to see how his friends from high school have changed, what they’re doing now, what kind of people they’ve become. Maybe he’ll like them more now than he did in high school.
So he replies to the email, Baekhyun gives him a time and place, and Kyungsoo goes to bed, momentarily forgetting about the meeting.
When Friday rolls around, it’s his phone that reminds him that he’s meeting up with his high school friends. He curses loudly, having forgotten completely that he was supposed to be there. He’s lucky the cafe isn’t far from his office, so he’s only a few minutes late.
He looks around the cafe, scanning for the hopefully still-familiar face of his old best friend.
“Kyungsoo!” he hears a call, and it’s still-lanky, still-too-tall Park Chanyeol who comes up to him with a big smile. To be perfectly honest, Kyungsoo had never really taken to Park Chanyeol, and now he remembers why. “How are you? It’s been such a long time. We’re only waiting on Sehun and Jongdae now! Come sit down!” He ushers Kyungsoo to a table near the back of the cafe where Baekhyun and a man who is presumably Kim Jongin are sitting.
“Hi, Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun grins, and Jongin throws in a “hey, how’s it going?”
“Hi guys,” Kyungsoo replies, “nice to see you again.”
“Sit down!” Chanyeol grins, letting Kyungsoo sit in the chair next to him. They sit and it’s a little awkward until Kim Jongin breaks the silence.
“So what are you guys doing these days? How was college and stuff?”
“Better than high school,” Kyungsoo says quickly. The other guys laugh, but it wasn’t a joke. Kyungsoo had absolutely hated high school. There was nothing about it he’d liked, not even these so-called “friends” of his. They’d just been allies rather than friends, and allies were something everyone needed in the hellhole of enemies that was their high school. Kyungsoo had been bullied for everything from his big eyes to his chubbiness to his study tactics. His sexuality was almost constantly questioned, and to this day he still hasn’t admitted he’s gay because he fears the backlash. Only his high school friends know. He fears the bullying more than anything, even ten years later.
“I have a girlfriend now,” Baekhyun says proudly, and Jongin laughs.
“You? Byunbaek the forever alone?” he cackles, and Chanyeol pipes up.
“What’s she like?”
“Her name is Junmyeon,” Baekhyun grins. “I met her at work. She’s my boss.”
“You’re dating your boss?” Chanyeol asks, and Kyungsoo has to laugh now.
“Typical,” he says, and he smirks at Baekhyun because he remembers all the mature-rated manhwa Baekhyun would read in high school. It was always a teacher-student relationship, a boss-employee relationship. “Of course you’d date your boss.”
“Shut up,” Baekhyun chuckles, and Kyungsoo feels like maybe he’s easing into all of this.
That is, until Chanyeol turns around. Two other people are coming up to their table, and Kyungsoo recognizes one of them as Kim Jongdae. More surprising is the guy next to him, though, who can only be Oh Sehun.
But Kyungsoo doesn’t remember ever having a friend who was that incredibly attractive.
“Well,” Jongdae says, “we’re here. Hi, Kyungsoo. Long time no see.”
“Hi,” Kyungsoo says distractedly. Who is Oh Sehun and why is he so hot? Why doesn’t Kyungsoo remember him?
Sehun looks at Kyungsoo and smiles and um fuck because he’s too gorgeous. “Hi, Kyungsoo,” he says. He has a lisp. Wouldn’t Kyungsoo remember that? Kyungsoo’s starting to think that maybe he had some sort of traumatic experience and that’s why some of his memories are gone and wow Kyungsoo definitely should remember this guy.
“We were talking about how Baekhyun has a girlfriend. How about you guys?” Jongin asks. Kyungsoo’s not half as perturbed that he doesn’t remember Kim Jongin either.
Sehun scratches the back of his neck sheepishly - and Kyungsoo registers that neither he nor Jongdae have taken a seat yet. “Actually, me and Jongdae are together,” he says, and Baekhyun kind of squeals.
“What?” Chanyeol cries. “Sehun, you’re gay?”
Sehun frowns. “Is that so surprising? When all of us are gay why wouldn’t I be?”
“I’m not gay!” Baekhyun replies indignantly, but Jongdae just lets out a scoffing laugh.
“It’s kind of hard to tell that you’re not gay when our only memory of your romantic endeavors is making out with Chanyeol at pretty much every party we went to,” Jongdae says. Kyungsoo remembers. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were almost constantly making out during high school, and while they always insisted they were just best friends, Kyungsoo couldn’t help but think they had definitely experimented quite a bit with each other.
So how come Kyungsoo can remember little details like that but he can’t remember this gorgeous creature that is Oh Sehun?
“Kyungsoo?” Sehun asks, and Kyungsoo sits up a little too straight, a little too fast. “Do you have a boyfriend?”
“Um…” Kyungsoo replies. “I...yeah,” he lies. “Yeah um, he’s...we met in college. He’s great. Chinese.”
“Oh,” Sehun says with a smile. “That’s nice.”
“That’s weird, you mean,” Jongdae pipes up. “Kyungsoo always scoffed at me when I liked Chinese guys, but now that he’s dating one it’s not weird anymore.”
“It was only because you always liked the tall, ridiculously handsome and out of your league Chinese guys,” Kyungsoo replies defensively.
“Well, now he’s dating a tall, not-that-handsome and definitely in his league Korean guy,” Jongin laughs, and Kyungsoo has to disagree. Sehun is kind of incredibly handsome. He’s jealous of Jongdae. He’ll admit that freely, even after just meeting Sehun. Or, he supposes this isn’t actually the first time they’ve met, but it’s the first he remembers of this guy.
The rest of the coffee goes smoothly enough - Kyungsoo can’t help but peer at Sehun periodically. Sehun peers back once in a while, and Kyungsoo has to look away because he’s embarrassed that he doesn’t remember having such a hot friend.
They all exchange phone numbers and promise not to let each other drift away like they had for the past ten years. They’re about to leave when Sehun grabs Kyungsoo’s arm.
“Do you want to get lunch sometime, Kyungsoo?” he asks. Kyungsoo’s a little taken aback - not only is Jongdae in earshot, but he’s smiling pleasantly while listening to their conversation - so Kyungsoo concludes that this is merely a friendly outing and nothing more.
And that’s fine with him. He’d love to get to know Sehun better. So he nods, hoping that the heat in his cheeks isn’t manifesting as a blush. “Sure,” he says. “Just...text me, or whatever.”
“Awesome,” Sehun smiles. He fumbles a bit trying to take Jongdae’s arm before they leave the cafe, and Kyungsoo is feeling a little giddy.
He only vaguely wonders what must have happened for him to forget Oh Sehun.
The text from Sehun comes the next morning while Kyungsoo’s at work. Kyungsoo can’t contain his excitement, even though he knows he should because Sehun is taken, for God’s sake.
“Want to get lunch tomorrow and catch up properly?” Sehun’s text reads. Kyungsoo replies almost immediately with a “sure, where?” and they decide on where and when to meet. Kyungsoo feels silly combing his hair in the bathroom, but if it’ll make Sehun like him more, it’s worth it.
When Kyungsoo gets to the restaurant, Sehun’s already sitting at a table, waving at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo can’t help but smile - Sehun’s handsome but he can also be cute, apparently.
“Hi,” Kyungsoo says when he’s close enough to Sehun, taking off his coat and hanging it on the back of his chair.
“Hi,” Sehun says with a smile. “I was wondering if you’d come.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Kyungsoo asked with a chuckle, and Sehun laughed too as Kyungsoo sat down. “It’s nice to catch up with old friends.”
“I’m glad you think so,” Sehun says, “because I’ve been wondering about you for a while. How was college? And what do you do now? I didn’t really get to ask you yesterday.”
Kyungsoo takes a sip of the water that’s already on the table for him, and he smiles. “That’s a lot of my life to cover. I mean...college was good. I studied psychology and consulting. Now I’m a public relations employee at Moon Electronics. It’s not that interesting. What about you? When did you graduate?”
“I...I graduated a year after you, actually.”
“Oh,” Kyungsoo’s eyes go wide.
“Yeah, I was studying economics and it’s a fairly straightforward major so I was able to graduate pretty easily. Now I’m just helping out firms with the economics of their business decisions. Also not that interesting.” Sehun looks down at his menu awkwardly, and Kyungsoo does the same. He really doesn’t remember Sehun. And it’s a pity, because right now, Sehun seems like such an interesting character; someone who Kyungsoo really wants to get to know. How could he have forgotten such an intriguing friend?
“Uh, so...how did you and Jongdae get together?” Kyungsoo asks, and he almost wishes he hadn’t because he doesn’t want to see Sehun gush about his old friend.
But Sehun doesn’t gush, he just tells it like it is. “I asked him out a while ago. We’d been spending time together and I just figured...yeah, why not, you know?”
“Ah,” Kyungsoo nods. “Yeah, that makes sense.”
“What about you and your boyfriend? What’s his name?” Sehun wonders, and Kyungsoo is really not prepared for this elaborate lie, but he doesn’t want to seem completely alone in life.
“Um...Kuai...zi. Kuaizi.”
“Doesn’t that mean ‘chopsticks’ in Chinese?” Sehun wonders, his brows furrowed. He looks really cute.
“Um, yes, no, I mean. They’re...different...characters,” he says weakly, mentally kicking himself for only remembering the word for “chopsticks.” But Sehun seems satisfied with his answer and lets Kyungsoo continue. “Yeah, we met in my...um...accounting class. And he’s...an accountant, now.”
“Cool,” Sehun replies, and Kyungsoo didn’t tell Sehun how they got together, but Sehun doesn’t press, and Kyungsoo is thankful for that. He doesn’t really want to lie to Sehun too much. Just enough to make him seem not completely pathetic.
It’s awkward while they wait to order, neither of them really knowing what to say to the other. But when the waitress comes, they both order the same thing.
“Are you copying me?” Sehun asks slyly, and Kyungsoo gets a little flustered.
“No!” Kyungsoo says. “That’s just...what I like.”
Sehun laughs at that, and Kyungsoo doesn’t understand why until the waitress leaves. “Lemongrass beef has always been your favorite, huh?” Sehun says, and he’s not really asking so much as confirming something he already seems to know.
“Yes,” Kyungsoo says slowly. “Were you there that time I tried to make it with Baekhyun and Jongdae?”
“No,” Sehun says, “I don’t think so.”
“Well, I totally burned everything. Baekhyun didn’t want to eat it at all, but I insisted. It wasn’t that bad, really. Jongdae and I thought it tasted pretty good, to be honest, but Baekhyun was a drama queen.”
“As usual,” Sehun said, and Kyungsoo laughed with a nod.
“Yes, as usual.” He decides to try to see if Sehun had been present for any other events; maybe those will trigger his memories of this gorgeous “friend” of his. “Ooh, how about Jongdae’s seventeenth birthday party? That was -”
“Crazy,” Sehun says. “I remember everyone got really drunk.”
“Yeah, that was my first time getting really drunk like that. Did you -”
“I didn’t stay for long...I left once everyone was too drunk to do anything,” Sehun says, taking another sip of water. “Since I was a year younger than you guys, I tended not to stay that long for those sorts of things. I’ve never gotten drunk with you all.”
“Oh,” Kyungsoo says, and he’s more confused now, because he doesn’t remember Sehun being at that party. He doesn’t remember Sehun at all. Now he’s starting to wonder if he ever will. He’d remember someone this tall, this strikingly handsome, with such a distinct voice. But he doesn’t. There’s some sort of gap in his memory, some sort of random blank space. Where did Oh Sehun fit into his life?
“But do you remember that time we went to see Star Wars together when they were showing a special at the theater?” Sehun asks.
“Yes…” Kyungsoo says, but evidently he doesn’t remember it that well because he wouldn’t have guessed that Sehun had come too.
“And Chanyeol spilled his popcorn on you?” Sehun laughs. “You got so mad! You made him get you napkins in the middle of the movie!”
“I...yeah, that sounds about right,” Kyungsoo nods. Why can’t he remember Sehun. “How many people came again?”
Sehun ponders for a moment. “I think it was the six of us plus Minseok-hyung - you remember him, right? - and his friend who we later found out was his boyfriend…oh, and Zitao the exchange student.”
Kyungsoo even remembers Zitao the exchange student - a whiny, childish kid who dressed like a celebrity. Minseok-hyung is foggier in Kyungsoo’s mind, but at least he recognizes the name. And he supposes Kim Jongin is kind of fuzzy in his mind, too. But Sehun is completely absent.
“Right,” Kyungsoo nods. Sehun opens his mouth to say something again when the waitress comes in with their meals, and Kyungsoo thanks the stars that he doesn’t have to continue talking. He changes the subject when the waitress leaves. “So...what’s...how’s work?”
Sehun looks lost, and Kyungsoo knows it was a weak subject change. Sehun doesn’t complain, though, and he starts telling Kyungsoo about his office life. Kyungsoo’s not really listening - he needs to talk to Baekhyun or something. He really needs to. He’s almost sure he’s suffered from some sort of brain trauma now because he doesn’t remember Sehun at all. At all.
“Kyungsoo?” Sehun asks, and Kyungsoo looks up, his mouth full of beef and rice paper.
“Huh?” Kyungsoo says through the food in his mouth. Sehun smiles softly.
“I asked if you liked your job. Sorry, I can ramble sometimes. I know you don’t like that.” And he’s right, Kyungsoo hates when people ramble. But he doesn’t usually tell people that, so he must have been close to Sehun at some point for him to know.
“Mm,” Kyungsoo mumbles, swallowing his food. “Uh, yes. I like it. It’s fine. It’s ok. I don’t mind it.”
Sehun takes a pause, looking at Kyungsoo suspiciously. “Are you okay? You seem skittish. You’re not...still uncomfortable because of high school, are you?”
“No!” Kyungsoo says quickly, because that’s definitely not the reason. He hated high school, sure, but he’s moved on. “No, I’m just...I have a project...at work. And it’s stressing me out a bit. Sorry.”
“If you have to get back, that’s okay,” Sehun says graciously, but Kyungsoo shakes his head. He’s going to make the most of his time with Sehun, even if he has no chance at all. For now, he’ll just forget about the fact that he doesn’t know where Sehun comes from.
“No,” Kyungsoo smiles, “I want to stay. It’s nice hanging out again.”
“Yeah,” Sehun grins. “Did I tell you that I’m going to meet Baekhyun and his boss-slash-girlfriend this weekend?”
“No,” Kyungsoo says, “but what is up with that even? What woman in power would date a good-for-nothing like Baekhyun?”
“I know, right? The kid who was constantly getting in trouble and hitting on every older woman he saw and making out with Chanyeol at every opportunity? Now he has a girlfriend who’s probably hot.”
“To be honest, I thought he was gay…” Kyungsoo says, looking up at Sehun, who’s smiling really adorably. “I mean, besides the weird manhwas he read.”
“Yeah,” Sehun laughs. “I mean, when the rest of us all were…” He looks at Kyungsoo pointedly, but Kyungsoo’s not really sure what Sehun’s trying to get at.
“Right,” Kyungsoo nods, hoping that this satisfies whatever Sehun’s looking for.
It seems to, and the rest of the lunch goes as smoothly as it possibly can, considering the obvious blank in Kyungsoo’s memory.
Before they leave, Sehun asks Kyungsoo if he wants to see the new James Bond movie that weekend. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to assume it’s a date, because why would Sehun take Kyungsoo on a date when he’s obviously very much in love with Jongdae? And besides, Kyungsoo supposedly has a boyfriend, so this really won’t be a date.
“Sure,” Kyungsoo says with a shy smile. It’ll be nice to do date-like activities with a handsome man, whether or not Kyungsoo has a real chance with him.
It’s weird, but Sehun keeps asking if Kyungsoo wants to do increasingly date-like activities. They go to the movies, to the aquarium, even on a ferris wheel together.
And on each “date,” Kyungsoo falls even more in love. He shouldn’t, he knows that. He’s “taken” and Sehun is actually taken, and that of course it’s ridiculous that he has fallen in love with Sehun because none of these have actually been dates.
He can’t help it. Sehun is gorgeous, tall, broad. He smiles at Kyungsoo constantly, laughs with him (and sometimes at him) and Kyungsoo just feels so warm around him. They’ve gotten to know each other fairly well; they have their little inside jokes - Kyungsoo likes teasing Sehun about his lisp and Sehun pokes fun at Kyungsoo’s narrow shoulders - and Kyungsoo doesn’t even mind the gap in his memory because he feels like it’s being filled when he’s with Sehun. He only wishes he could have Sehun for himself, but he’s not about to wreck his relationship with Jongdae. He’ll wait patiently and hope that one day he’ll get his chance.
They take a carriage ride together one winter evening after a dinner at a very fancy restaurant. It’s a cold, clear night, and their breath mingles in clouds of fog as they laugh together.
“Come on, Kyungsoo!” Sehun grins as he takes Kyungsoo’s hand and pulls him toward the carriage. They climb in, Sehun helping Kyungsoo up in a very gentlemanly fashion. There’s a blanket for them there, covering their legs so they don’t get too cold. But Kyungsoo’s not cold. He likes sitting next to Sehun, feeling the warmth of his body. Sehun leans into Kyungsoo - just what a friend would do, right? - and Kyungsoo slips a hand around Sehun’s waist - because that is what friends do, right? - and it’s silent for a few minutes. Kyungsoo thinks he might be able to hear Sehun’s heartbeat though the silent winter air.
Kyungsoo is so in love it’s almost painful. “Sehun,” he says quietly, “this is really nice.”
“Mm,” Sehun says, leaning his head against Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “I’m glad you think so.” He looks up at Kyungsoo, and then sits up straight, taking Kyungsoo’s hand. For a heart-thumping second, Sehun leans in ever so slowly, and Kyungsoo lets his eyes flutter closed before he realizes what’s happening.
He jumps back. “Sehun!” he cries with a nervous laugh. “You have a boyfriend.”
Sehun looks like he’s forgotten that fact entirely and he looks as if he knows he’s made a huge mistake. “Oh, God,” he says. “I’m sorry. I - it’s just - I’m sorry, I got caught up in -”
“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo smiles sadly. “It’s okay. Let’s just not go there.” He squeezes Sehun’s hand in a gesture of reassurance that anything but kissing is okay with him. He’d love to kiss Sehun, honestly, but it’s not fair to Jongdae. Holding hands is fine if they’re just friends. Hugging and going on these “dates” is fine if they’re just friends. But kissing crosses the line, and Kyungsoo’s not sure he could hold back if that were to happen.
Sehun has this sheepish look on his face for the rest of the night. Or maybe it’s just the cold biting at his cheeks that has them looking so pink.
When Sehun drops Kyungsoo off at home later (it’s not like it’s a date sort of drop off; it’s just because Sehun has a car, that’s all), they stand outside Kyungsoo’s door in the cold, holding each other’s hands for far longer than they really should. Kyungsoo can’t help if Sehun’s also wondering about things that could be.
“Well,” Sehun says after a few minutes (seconds? Kyungsoo’s not sure), “I’ll see you later?”
“At Baekhyun’s party tomorrow,” Kyungsoo replies, “right?”
Sehun smiles. “Right,” he says, squeezing Kyungsoo’s hand. “See you tomorrow, then.”
He leaves and Kyungsoo goes to bed, dreaming of the kiss that almost was.
Kim Junmyeon is beautiful. Baekhyun’s boss-slash-girlfriend looks like a Korean Grace Kelly. She’s dressed in a pretty dark blue dress and her eyes are wide, makeup almost expertly applied. She smiles when she opens the door for Kyungsoo, and her teeth are perfectly straight. She’s totally his type.
But all Kyungsoo can see is Sehun smiling at him from the living room.
“You must be Kyungsoo!” Junmyeon says, and Kyungsoo greets her quickly before waving back at Sehun with a shy smile. Junmyeon follows him into the living room, where there are a few people he doesn’t recognize along with his high school friends. He can’t help but walk right up to Sehun.
“Hi,” he says, and Sehun smiles fondly at him.
“Hi,” he replies. Jongdae steps forward and side-eyes Kyungsoo with a smirk.
“So, I hear you’ve been spending a lot of time together,” he says, and Kyungsoo goes into panic mode.
“Ah! I - well, yes, but it’s nothing - I mean, it’s not like - Sehun doesn’t - we don’t see each other that way; never have. Either of us.” He chuckles nervously, but Jongdae and Sehun just stare at him blankly. Neither of them are smiling, and Kyungsoo thinks he can even see a hint of a frown on Sehun’s face. Kyungsoo decides he must have messed up big time. Now Jongdae’s going to hate him and Sehun’s going to avoid him forever.
“I think you were right after all,” Jongdae says to Sehun, and Sehun nods dejectedly. Kyungsoo looks between them, incredibly confused. It’s then that Baekhyun and Chanyeol come up to greet them, starting to explain why Jongin isn’t there yet.
“Oh man, something went down,” Chanyeol says, and Baekhyun looks at Sehun’s face.
“Uh, what’s going on?” he asks, but Jongdae cuts in.
“Kyungsoo, you don’t remember Sehun from high school, do you?” he asks calmly, and Kyungsoo is so flustered because all his high school friends are watching him closely.
“I - of course I do,” he lies.
“No, you really don’t,” Jongdae says, this scary grin forming on his face.
“Oh God,” Chanyeol winces, and that scares Kyungsoo quite a bit, “I’m leaving. I’m gonna call Jongin and tell him not to come.” Kyungsoo wants to edge away too, but he’s under the scrutinization of three men who are unfortunately all taller than he is.
“Let me explain,” Jongdae says, but Sehun catches his arm.
“Jongdae, don’t,” he says, and Kyungsoo fully agrees with Sehun, but Jongdae isn’t listening.
“Do Kyungsoo, please recall your sophomore year of high school, as difficult as that is. I know, twelve years ago is a long time. But specifically this was right before Christmas vacation,” Jongdae says in a voice that’s reminiscent of a chick-flick narrator. Kyungsoo thinks back to that time so long ago, but there’s not much he remembers about it.
“Uh…” he mumbles, waiting for Jongdae to get to the point so he can get this over with. He can already tell it’s going to be embarrassing.
“Jongdae, really, stop,” Sehun says, “it doesn’t matter.”
“Kyungsoo,” Jongdae continues, ignoring Sehun. “During that time, you were asked out by a boy for the first time. He was scrawny and kind of weird looking. And he had a lisp. That boy was named Oh Sehun.”
Kyungsoo’s jaw drops. He remembers. He remembers everything.
Kyungsoo had never really noticed Oh Sehun. He was kind of a tiny, skinny kid with no real handsomeness about him. He and his slightly-cooler-and-more-put-together friend Jongin hung out with Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, Jongdae, and Baekhyun, but Kyungsoo had never considered Sehun a friend. He was more like a little underclassman leech. Or, not really a leech, because it wasn’t as if Sehun took things from Kyungsoo. He just stuck there. To all four of them, not just Kyungsoo.
It wasn’t that Kyungsoo didn’t like Sehun. He was just kind of forgettable, that’s all. Small, uninteresting, and unimpressive.
But Kyungsoo wasn’t perfect either, not by any means. His biggest flaw was his inability to read people’s emotions. His friends called him oblivious, but it was just a nice way of calling him incredibly self-absorbed, so much so that he missed everything that was going on in other people’s lives. Looking back on his high school years, he wonders how he had any friends at all.
His emotional blindness led to what he thought was a minor problem one day after lunch. Sehun caught him by the hand as his friends left the cafeteria to get to their classes.
“Can I ask you something?” Sehun wondered. Kyungsoo looked down at the tiny freshman who never left him and his friends alone with a scornful expression, but he nodded anyway.
“Kyungsoo, um,” Sehun said, his face gradually changing from pink to scarlet. “I reallylikeyouandIwaswonderingifyou’dgooutwithme.”
“What,” Kyungsoo deadpanned, thinking that this blubbering child was wasting his time.
“I...was wondering if you would go out with me,” Sehun said shyly, looking at his toes.
Kyungsoo stepped back. “Um, I...don’t think so.” It wasn’t polite or tactful, just scornful like everything else Kyungsoo did. But Kyungsoo wasn’t the type to feel very sorry about things. He pitied Sehun for a full five minutes before brushing off how hurt Sehun looked as he walked away.
Kyungsoo wouldn’t have noticed that Sehun and Jongin weren’t hanging out with them anymore after Christmas vacation if Chanyeol hadn’t pointed it out, and even then it was only a fleeting thought and nothing more.
“God, Jongdae, you didn’t have to recount the whole fucking story,” Sehun says, his hand on his very red face. “That was a low point in my life, okay?”
Baekhyun claps him on the back in consolation, but Jongdae laughs. Kyungsoo, on the other hand, is mortified. Not only was he a horrible person in the past, he’s possibly just re-alienated the guy he’s undeniably in love with.
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo says, shaking with nervousness. “I’m so sorry. I - I don’t feel like that anymore. Really, you’re - I mean, you probably were great back then too but I was too self-absorbed to see that and now - I mean, now…” he trails off, unable to continue. He can’t tell Sehun that he has feelings for him, especially not after the revelation of the fiasco that was high school.
“Kyungsoo,” Jongdae says, taking his shoulder, “I think Sehun has something to tell you.”
“No I don’t,” Sehun says quickly, but Kyungsoo’s heart is beating fast. He think he wants to hear this for some reason.
“Tell him,” Baekhyun says like he’s Sehun’s mother. Sehun puffs out his cheeks in defeat before turning to Kyungsoo.
“I’m not really dating Jongdae,” he admits. Kyungsoo freezes. “ I just didn’t want to seem...you know, as lame as I was back then. I wanted to look cool to you.”
“Oh,” Kyungsoo manages to eke out.
“And?” Jongdae elbows Sehun, whose face is now a brilliant shade of crimson.
“And I’m still totally in love with you. I know that’s burdensome, considering you have your boyfriend and -”
“I don’t!” Kyungsoo cries as fast as he can. “I...made him up. I didn’t want to seem lame to you either because you were so hot and - oh my God - I…”
Jongdae makes a satisfied noise. “Nice. This is where Baek and I are going to take our leave and I’m going to get back to my real boyfriend. Bye!” Baekhyun and Jongdae saunter off into the next room, where Jongdae latches to a very tall man. But Kyungsoo’s not thinking about that. He turns to Sehun with a smile.
“Can I ask you something?” Kyungsoo wonders, and Sehun grins. “Will you go out with me?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” Sehun replies, wrapping his arms (strong arms…) around Kyungsoo’s waist and kissing him like he’s been deprived for weeks.
Which he has been. And it’s so perfect. His lips are soft and warm and insistent just as Kyungsoo had imagined.
Even though the gap in his memory isn’t a gap after all, it’s been filled and filled over in the most perfect way possible.