Wow, what an amazingly hurtful, passive-aggressive, mean-spirited e mail your dad sent! Oh, and with a nice side dish of "And after all we've she's done for you, you ingrate!" in there too. My mind is boggling.
One would think you'd killed the poor woman, by the way he reacted. Good grief.
Seriously. I was trying to be really uber gentle too, 'cause she's my freaking mom. But where he's concerned, I'm a bad person and that's all he ever needs to know before rendering judgment.
Yeah, I'm actually in a much better mood right now because even though I'm stressing over how I'm going to fix this miscommunication with my mom and repair our relationship without my stepfather's interference, I didn't break down and cry when I got this letter. I didn't even feel worthless. I just got angry. For me, that represents great, great progress. Because this is the same pattern as when I was a kid. I'd do something that pissed him off, he'd dress me down and make me feel two inches tall, I'd cry and do whatever it took to be a 'good girl', an ideal which was always increasingly further out of reach. I was pathetic, but I'm not anymore. My self-esteem and sense of worth has grown by leaps and bounds, and I guess I didn't realize how much until I was able to compare my current reaction to my childhood self's reaction and realize how far I've come
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I'd do something that pissed him off, he'd dress me down and make me feel two inches tall, I'd cry and do whatever it took to be a 'good girl', an ideal which was always increasingly further out of reach. I was pathetic, but I'm not anymore.
I'm so sorry he treated you that way. How awful!
I guess I didn't realize how much until I was able to compare my current reaction to my childhood self's reaction and realize how far I've come.
*hugs*
I'd rip him a new one right back if I didn't think it would irreperable damage my relationship with my mother. As it is, I'm going to have to be more diplomatic than that, but I have the will to stand up for myself and that's such a vast improvement I can't even really quantify it with words.
It is, definitely.
I suppose he considers himself a Christian, too, right? It amazes me how it's often the people who are most vocal about being Christians are least likely to behave like Christians.
He's a Who's-Who in Christian America. They actually put out a publication by that title. He's been in it half a dozen times because he does church planting and Christian Education lectures in China and the former-soviet-union area. He's on the board of Calvin college, Covenant College, and several others I can't remember right this minute and he's published several books on how to raise children in the lord.
So, y'know. Yeah.
*hugs back*
It is awful that he treated me that way, and the thing is, the things I did wrong were almost always 'not caring about him enough'. Like... staying in my room all the time, or not asking him about his day. That's what he felt the need to rip me apart over.
and he's published several books on how to raise children in the lord.
Ugh ugh ugh!
It is awful that he treated me that way, and the thing is, the things I did wrong were almost always 'not caring about him enough'. Like... staying in my room all the time, or not asking him about his day. That's what he felt the need to rip me apart over.
XD He is kinda full of himself. Like, when I was a kid, he'd yell at me about how I thought the whole world was about me, me, me (um, hello, nine-year-old) and I'm never thinking about what HE needs. And I remember thinking, "But everything you're yelling at me about is all about you, you you, how I don't do enough for YOU, and what YOU want, and how I don't put enough effort into pleasing YOU."
Never called him on it. I doubt it'd be productive.
Yeah, I've been reading No Longer Quivering and it really showcases a whole lot of how head-of-household doctrine can feed and even spawn narcissistic complexes. It's not good for anyone to let them believe their authority is unassailable. Checks and balances are what keep us honest.
Dordt and Wheaton are two of the ones I forgot but I can't remember the other one.
I accept hugs. *hugs back* And they did. When I left my previous fiance' and came back to live with them they didn't allow me to practice my religion in their house. I accepted that at the time because it WAS their house.
When I left my previous fiance' and came back to live with them they didn't allow me to practice my religion in their house. I accepted that at the time because it WAS their house.
But they wouldn't show you the same basic respect and courtesy if the situation were reversed, I'm sure.
Wow, what an amazingly hurtful, passive-aggressive, mean-spirited e mail your dad sent! Oh, and with a nice side dish of "And after all we've she's done for you, you ingrate!" in there too. My mind is boggling.
One would think you'd killed the poor woman, by the way he reacted. Good grief.
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Yeah, and all of that definitely showed in his e mail. God! D:
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I'd do something that pissed him off, he'd dress me down and make me feel two inches tall, I'd cry and do whatever it took to be a 'good girl', an ideal which was always increasingly further out of reach. I was pathetic, but I'm not anymore.
I'm so sorry he treated you that way. How awful!
I guess I didn't realize how much until I was able to compare my current reaction to my childhood self's reaction and realize how far I've come.
*hugs*
I'd rip him a new one right back if I didn't think it would irreperable damage my relationship with my mother. As it is, I'm going to have to be more diplomatic than that, but I have the will to stand up for myself and that's such a vast improvement I can't even really quantify it with words.
It is, definitely.
I suppose he considers himself a Christian, too, right? It amazes me how it's often the people who are most vocal about being Christians are least likely to behave like Christians.
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He's a Who's-Who in Christian America. They actually put out a publication by that title. He's been in it half a dozen times because he does church planting and Christian Education lectures in China and the former-soviet-union area. He's on the board of Calvin college, Covenant College, and several others I can't remember right this minute and he's published several books on how to raise children in the lord.
So, y'know. Yeah.
*hugs back*
It is awful that he treated me that way, and the thing is, the things I did wrong were almost always 'not caring about him enough'. Like... staying in my room all the time, or not asking him about his day. That's what he felt the need to rip me apart over.
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He's a Who's-Who in Christian America.
Oh really? So am I! :D
Oh wait. I'm not, and probably never will be. :p
and he's published several books on how to raise children in the lord.
Ugh ugh ugh!
It is awful that he treated me that way, and the thing is, the things I did wrong were almost always 'not caring about him enough'. Like... staying in my room all the time, or not asking him about his day. That's what he felt the need to rip me apart over.
He sounds like a narcissist to me. Wow.
*more hugs*
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Never called him on it. I doubt it'd be productive.
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He sounds like a classic narcissist to me. He must've been tons of fun to live with, especially as a child/teenager.
Never called him on it. I doubt it'd be productive.
If he really does have NPD, it would be pointless.
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That was my thought too.
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I accept hugs. *hugs back* And they did. When I left my previous fiance' and came back to live with them they didn't allow me to practice my religion in their house. I accepted that at the time because it WAS their house.
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When I left my previous fiance' and came back to live with them they didn't allow me to practice my religion in their house. I accepted that at the time because it WAS their house.
But they wouldn't show you the same basic respect and courtesy if the situation were reversed, I'm sure.
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