New Term, New Life, New Sense of Contentment
I'm back. Back in Eugene, back to school, back to the cycle. And I'm so completely happy.
Everything is so different now. So familiar, of course, but so wonderfully different. Living off campus, I now am beginning to understand just how much stress living in the dorms put me under. Last year, I didn't have a home. That's such a substantial concept, to not have a place you call home. Sure, I slept in my dorm, ate in my dorm, did homework in my dorm, but it was never home. Not having a personal space, a place to be by yourself and be alone is extremely difficult. Now that I live in gloriously adorable apartment with two of the sweetest, kindest, and laid back people I know, I feel like I can breathe again. I feel so comfortable, so...anchored. No longer do I feel constantly torn between home and school, always hanging in limbo. It feels glorious to feel so settled.
School is very similar to last year, but also completely new. First off, I changed majors. That's right, I'm no longer a Journalism major, but an English major. Last year, I could never quite pinpoint what I disliked about Journalism (other than the fact that it obviously was stressing me out). This was not until my first day of intro to English major, when I was able to finally pinpoint the problem. In all of my Journalism classes, the collected energy was very uptight. There was just this presence of competition, the need to push the envelope, be the most diligent and creative and successful. In reality, that makes sense, for there are very many journalists in the world and only those who are the most hardworking and aggressive get jobs. But regardless of that skill, this presence took its toll on me. Not so in my English class. On the first day, the collective energy was not aggressive, but calm and interested. People wanted to learn information, of course, but there was no pressure to be the best. More so was the feeling to be genuinely excited to learn, but without the need to outdo your neighbor's portfolio. And then, by the glorious act of fate and reassurance, my middle aged professor made a joke about pillaging the class due to her Viking heritage, and I knew I was in the right place.
God, it's amazing how much of a 180 turn I've made from last year. I'm so excited for this year, to strive for my potential, to have fun and learn and laugh. This feeling of contentment, of reassurance that things will be okay and that damnit, maybe I do deserve to be happy have been missing for a very long time. And though I admit that I'm still afraid that they're going to disappear again, I can't stop my faith in the beauty of life.
Everything is so different now. So familiar, of course, but so wonderfully different. Living off campus, I now am beginning to understand just how much stress living in the dorms put me under. Last year, I didn't have a home. That's such a substantial concept, to not have a place you call home. Sure, I slept in my dorm, ate in my dorm, did homework in my dorm, but it was never home. Not having a personal space, a place to be by yourself and be alone is extremely difficult. Now that I live in gloriously adorable apartment with two of the sweetest, kindest, and laid back people I know, I feel like I can breathe again. I feel so comfortable, so...anchored. No longer do I feel constantly torn between home and school, always hanging in limbo. It feels glorious to feel so settled.
School is very similar to last year, but also completely new. First off, I changed majors. That's right, I'm no longer a Journalism major, but an English major. Last year, I could never quite pinpoint what I disliked about Journalism (other than the fact that it obviously was stressing me out). This was not until my first day of intro to English major, when I was able to finally pinpoint the problem. In all of my Journalism classes, the collected energy was very uptight. There was just this presence of competition, the need to push the envelope, be the most diligent and creative and successful. In reality, that makes sense, for there are very many journalists in the world and only those who are the most hardworking and aggressive get jobs. But regardless of that skill, this presence took its toll on me. Not so in my English class. On the first day, the collective energy was not aggressive, but calm and interested. People wanted to learn information, of course, but there was no pressure to be the best. More so was the feeling to be genuinely excited to learn, but without the need to outdo your neighbor's portfolio. And then, by the glorious act of fate and reassurance, my middle aged professor made a joke about pillaging the class due to her Viking heritage, and I knew I was in the right place.
God, it's amazing how much of a 180 turn I've made from last year. I'm so excited for this year, to strive for my potential, to have fun and learn and laugh. This feeling of contentment, of reassurance that things will be okay and that damnit, maybe I do deserve to be happy have been missing for a very long time. And though I admit that I'm still afraid that they're going to disappear again, I can't stop my faith in the beauty of life.