....
I feel restless.
I want to do everything, but I feel like doing nothing.
My summer is drawing to an end. I want to look forward to something, but looking forward to anything means pushing the days ahead. I don't want to push time forward. I want to slow it down.
I always have grand plans for the summer.
I never accomplish them all.
And there's no reason for that because I don't really have anything I HAVE to do.
I tried to get on a cleaning schedule so that when school starts up again, it will be part of my routine. Hasn't happened. I clean things when I feel they need to be cleaned, but I don't ever clean the house all at once. I don't even clean the upstairs or the downstairs in one flourish. I hate it.
I hate cutting the grass. I try to force myself to do it because it helps Scott out. I mean, he works 12 hour days. I'm not doing a damn thing. I should do it. This week, I just don't want to. And I haven't. He's going to do it tomorrow.
I want to go somewhere. But I don't want to spend money that we need to be saving for our wedding.
I don't want to go anywhere because it would mean time away from Scott.
Why can't I make plans even if he'll be home that day? WHY do I stay here all the time...to the point of annoying him sometimes because I'm ALWAYS here? He works for 12 hours. I want to see him when he's here. He never really has time for himself. I have SO much time for myself, I'm practically going insane by the time he gets home.
BUT I feel like when he's off, there are things we can get accomplished...although that hardly ever happens, so what I am sitting around here for?
It's not as if I'll never see him again. It's not like he's going anywhere. I mean, we're getting MARRIED for heaven's sake. I have the rest of my life to spend with him, and yet, I don't want to miss any time with him at all.
I suppose it would help if I had friends who actually live around here....but then again, maybe it wouldn't. Because I want to do so much, yet I don't want to do anything at all.
Abbie is still sneezing. Last Monday, I called the vet again and they gave me another antibiotic for her. Tomorrow is the last day I'm supposed to give it to her. Now Allie looks like she has the eye infection that Abbie had, but she's not sneezing or anything. They're both still playful and seem to be eating....But I need to call the vet again, and probably will have to take Allie in tomorrow.
I can't keep spending money to take them back and forth to the vet, and they can't both stay sick like this. It's WAY more expensive for them to go to the doctor than it is for Scott and me.
I just feel like I want to explode. There is still so much to do before school starts. We still have a beach trip with Amber. I'm trying to work out so that I can be in shape. The things I have for the Wii are fun, but where I was so motivated at first to do it almost every day, I'm finding I have more days now that I DON'T feel like it. Usually after a couple of days, though, I'm like...ooooh, I want to do this today! I'm so sick of the Master's Degree class I'm in right now. I can't wait for it to be over....BUT I also don't want it to end because then it will be the end of August, and back to work.
I really could explode.
Really.
I think I've rambled enough.