Easter 2010
So many things have happened to me throughout the years. Most that I mention on here tend to be of the nature of the heart... so why break the trend right?! lol.
Easter 2010 began the second it hit 12:01. Shawna and I were hanging out, and quite frankly I don't know what time we left for the Polk Co. Sheriff's office, but I remember getting there... (time wasn't much of a concern at that point).
I'd been talking to Andrew on Facebook, introduced via internet through Shawna, my 8th grade bestie, and still a very close friend (through thick and thin). Now, I can go back and read and read and read everything I've ever written about a guy (a love) and not have an inkling in those "good reads" as to what I felt that night. I mean... not trying to be over dramatic or anything, but it was like "love at first site" kind of stuff... seriously.
We hung out in the parking lot of the patrol station (?), and just talked. It was Andrew, myself, Shawna, her hubby (Derek), and Rachel at one point...Mind you, this was the first time we had ever seen face to face. There was just something there. We started a few feet away, and eventually got closer and closer to each other until about 15 minutes before we had to really leave, Andrew and I were leaning up against the back of the car, standing side-by-side (quite literally)... I could feel his warmth permeating from within his clothes... My hand brushed across his at one point and a chill shot up my back (not because I was cold damnit).
The next day we were talking and talking, and ended up meeting at Shawna's house for a little over an hour... Before I left, we were embracing each other like old lovers do. It was simply amazing. We just had sat on their back porch and talked the hour away (an hour is not very long anyway), and when I went to leave, he kissed me! It was a kiss. I can't say there was anything special about the kiss or the way he kissed me... but I think it was the fact that it was from him that touched me so much. I haven't really dated in the last 7 months because of Matt, and how he had broken my heart (I will save that for another day)... Being a single mother isn't easy, and I was NOT looking for anyone anyway... I mean, not seriously at least... but it just hit me like BAM! That night he asked me to be his girlfriend!!! It amazed me... or more like stunned me. This man, a cop, a loving brother of young ones and a loyal son... a friend, and a God-fearing man... He was liking ME?!
Less than a week went by, and much like middle/highschool love, we were confessing our love for each other... It just baffles me to think about it as a logical human being, but in the situation itself... I DO love him... and I am IN-Love with him... it's by-far the most amazing thing that I've ever experienced... Sooooo, Shawna witnessed the whole one-hour talking session thing, and she felt a strong bond between us... We believe that we are the end of the line for each other and will eventually end up getting married, having more babies, and living unhappily ever after... but until THAT day comes... we are taking things slow...
I had initially told him that I wanted to wait to have sex... and quite frankly, that MAY or MAY NOT happen. I mean... I'm not a slut by any means, but I am not really sure whether I can control my will-power with him. Ideally, I would wait... because I DO believe that he is the one, and I WANT to be able to do things right with him... also, I want to eventually have a child with him (which we haven't really discussed but he won't have much of an option there lol)... but what I think I want to do is have Mirena removed after we get married and ya know... see what happens... lol... but yeah, back to now... lol... I don't want to have sex yet because I'm afraid it will take something away from us... Well... that and... I've become extremely self-conscious about my body. I now weigh (dun dun duuuuuunnnnnnnn) 183lbs. OY. I NEEEEEEED to lose weight. SERIOUSLY. What sucks about it that it is EXTREMELY hard for me to do so and I'm not sure why bc it usually is rather easy. Stupid Mirena is the Devil I tell you.
That AND stretch marks, and spots, and just a whole slue of problems that I have with my body...
It's a weird thought to think "That's my boyfriend" or "I love him so much" again... Not to him, bc I've never been in love with him before, but just in general. The words aren't normal to me any more. They mean a lot more... especially because I can't just date ANYONE while having kids. I've only had one serious relationship since Brian, and that was Matt... and guess what?! Not only is he married (to another Jessica), he has a baby boy on the way, due in August. Boo... I'm not in love with him any more, but it still stings a little... Even the thoughts of Brian sting a little since he's been engaged since before Jillian was born... It just hurts to know that my past 5 boyfriends have gotten married to the girl that they dated directly after me... fuckers.
ANYway... I don't have much else to say, in fact this writing was a bit forced since I wasn't in the mood to write anyway... just needed to get some stuff logged as usual. Looking back at old stuff I realize how much of a pansy I've been about love and how dramatic I am... Sheesh... I'm pathetic! oh well. I love you all and have a blessed evening!
Jess
Easter 2010 began the second it hit 12:01. Shawna and I were hanging out, and quite frankly I don't know what time we left for the Polk Co. Sheriff's office, but I remember getting there... (time wasn't much of a concern at that point).
I'd been talking to Andrew on Facebook, introduced via internet through Shawna, my 8th grade bestie, and still a very close friend (through thick and thin). Now, I can go back and read and read and read everything I've ever written about a guy (a love) and not have an inkling in those "good reads" as to what I felt that night. I mean... not trying to be over dramatic or anything, but it was like "love at first site" kind of stuff... seriously.
We hung out in the parking lot of the patrol station (?), and just talked. It was Andrew, myself, Shawna, her hubby (Derek), and Rachel at one point...Mind you, this was the first time we had ever seen face to face. There was just something there. We started a few feet away, and eventually got closer and closer to each other until about 15 minutes before we had to really leave, Andrew and I were leaning up against the back of the car, standing side-by-side (quite literally)... I could feel his warmth permeating from within his clothes... My hand brushed across his at one point and a chill shot up my back (not because I was cold damnit).
The next day we were talking and talking, and ended up meeting at Shawna's house for a little over an hour... Before I left, we were embracing each other like old lovers do. It was simply amazing. We just had sat on their back porch and talked the hour away (an hour is not very long anyway), and when I went to leave, he kissed me! It was a kiss. I can't say there was anything special about the kiss or the way he kissed me... but I think it was the fact that it was from him that touched me so much. I haven't really dated in the last 7 months because of Matt, and how he had broken my heart (I will save that for another day)... Being a single mother isn't easy, and I was NOT looking for anyone anyway... I mean, not seriously at least... but it just hit me like BAM! That night he asked me to be his girlfriend!!! It amazed me... or more like stunned me. This man, a cop, a loving brother of young ones and a loyal son... a friend, and a God-fearing man... He was liking ME?!
Less than a week went by, and much like middle/highschool love, we were confessing our love for each other... It just baffles me to think about it as a logical human being, but in the situation itself... I DO love him... and I am IN-Love with him... it's by-far the most amazing thing that I've ever experienced... Sooooo, Shawna witnessed the whole one-hour talking session thing, and she felt a strong bond between us... We believe that we are the end of the line for each other and will eventually end up getting married, having more babies, and living unhappily ever after... but until THAT day comes... we are taking things slow...
I had initially told him that I wanted to wait to have sex... and quite frankly, that MAY or MAY NOT happen. I mean... I'm not a slut by any means, but I am not really sure whether I can control my will-power with him. Ideally, I would wait... because I DO believe that he is the one, and I WANT to be able to do things right with him... also, I want to eventually have a child with him (which we haven't really discussed but he won't have much of an option there lol)... but what I think I want to do is have Mirena removed after we get married and ya know... see what happens... lol... but yeah, back to now... lol... I don't want to have sex yet because I'm afraid it will take something away from us... Well... that and... I've become extremely self-conscious about my body. I now weigh (dun dun duuuuuunnnnnnnn) 183lbs. OY. I NEEEEEEED to lose weight. SERIOUSLY. What sucks about it that it is EXTREMELY hard for me to do so and I'm not sure why bc it usually is rather easy. Stupid Mirena is the Devil I tell you.
That AND stretch marks, and spots, and just a whole slue of problems that I have with my body...
It's a weird thought to think "That's my boyfriend" or "I love him so much" again... Not to him, bc I've never been in love with him before, but just in general. The words aren't normal to me any more. They mean a lot more... especially because I can't just date ANYONE while having kids. I've only had one serious relationship since Brian, and that was Matt... and guess what?! Not only is he married (to another Jessica), he has a baby boy on the way, due in August. Boo... I'm not in love with him any more, but it still stings a little... Even the thoughts of Brian sting a little since he's been engaged since before Jillian was born... It just hurts to know that my past 5 boyfriends have gotten married to the girl that they dated directly after me... fuckers.
ANYway... I don't have much else to say, in fact this writing was a bit forced since I wasn't in the mood to write anyway... just needed to get some stuff logged as usual. Looking back at old stuff I realize how much of a pansy I've been about love and how dramatic I am... Sheesh... I'm pathetic! oh well. I love you all and have a blessed evening!
Jess