At a loss for words....
...for how much pain i feel right now. Anything can happen,right?
Anything did happen, & i got hurt. To the point of no return. Something happened, & everyone, & i mean everyone knew. For a week i might add. I was left in the dark, on cloud 9 for an entire week. & then the truth came out. Where it should have come out before last Saturday's events. There were tears, lots of them, & i'm pretty sure there are a few more that are still waiting to come out.
Why it happened, i'll never really know, & i don't think i want to know. Something of this magnitude can not ever earn forgivness, I'm surprised i could even talk to him, let alone be nice to him. & i was for some god forsaken reason. I mean hell yeah i'm still distraught & can't think straight. I wanted to yell. i wanted to cry. (i'll most likely cry) But i couldn't bring myself to do it.
For the last 24 hours i have been in tears. There were emotions that i didn't even know i had, that were flaring. Thanks to my friends, i could stop crying in small spaces of time. Am i hurt that they didn't tell me when they should have, yeah. But i can't change the past.
I was so hurt i couldn't even look at him yesterday, let alone speak his name. I still shutter at the thought of it & when i hear it. I thought i would be okay today, but i was wrong. i got up this morning...pissed off, & then i heard Kate Voegele's "Kindly Unspoken" & just lost it. I was okay at work, becasue it kept my mind off of everything. But after work, i spiraled down hill. I cried a few more times. I couldn't pay attention in class becasue my head was spinning and i couldn't even see straight. He will never understand how much pain he caused me. Even if he was put in the same situation, he would never understand. Believe me, there is no sympathy, nothing. (the numbness is finally kicking in, thank god) But believe me i will make him suffer, he massed with the wrong chick, & most you know how horriblly meani can get...times that by a maillion, and you're still not even close, to what i will put him threw. And after talking i still can't help but feel, i came in second. That i was the fall back girl. The rebound. And i don't know if I will ever come to terms with that. Yeah he'lll say that's not true. But isn't it? I am the rebound girl. And i've been that girl, more than enough times. It hurts. So now we start from the beginning. Not a "thing", "couple", not even friends. I trusted him, he betrayed me. & now there is a wall, that may or may not come down. There's a part of me that really hopes that he can break through the wall, & there's a part of me that says he hasn't got a chance in hell. but we're going to have to see. And not let our emotions get the best of us.
...This is going to be harder than i thought.
Anything did happen, & i got hurt. To the point of no return. Something happened, & everyone, & i mean everyone knew. For a week i might add. I was left in the dark, on cloud 9 for an entire week. & then the truth came out. Where it should have come out before last Saturday's events. There were tears, lots of them, & i'm pretty sure there are a few more that are still waiting to come out.
Why it happened, i'll never really know, & i don't think i want to know. Something of this magnitude can not ever earn forgivness, I'm surprised i could even talk to him, let alone be nice to him. & i was for some god forsaken reason. I mean hell yeah i'm still distraught & can't think straight. I wanted to yell. i wanted to cry. (i'll most likely cry) But i couldn't bring myself to do it.
For the last 24 hours i have been in tears. There were emotions that i didn't even know i had, that were flaring. Thanks to my friends, i could stop crying in small spaces of time. Am i hurt that they didn't tell me when they should have, yeah. But i can't change the past.
I was so hurt i couldn't even look at him yesterday, let alone speak his name. I still shutter at the thought of it & when i hear it. I thought i would be okay today, but i was wrong. i got up this morning...pissed off, & then i heard Kate Voegele's "Kindly Unspoken" & just lost it. I was okay at work, becasue it kept my mind off of everything. But after work, i spiraled down hill. I cried a few more times. I couldn't pay attention in class becasue my head was spinning and i couldn't even see straight. He will never understand how much pain he caused me. Even if he was put in the same situation, he would never understand. Believe me, there is no sympathy, nothing. (the numbness is finally kicking in, thank god) But believe me i will make him suffer, he massed with the wrong chick, & most you know how horriblly meani can get...times that by a maillion, and you're still not even close, to what i will put him threw. And after talking i still can't help but feel, i came in second. That i was the fall back girl. The rebound. And i don't know if I will ever come to terms with that. Yeah he'lll say that's not true. But isn't it? I am the rebound girl. And i've been that girl, more than enough times. It hurts. So now we start from the beginning. Not a "thing", "couple", not even friends. I trusted him, he betrayed me. & now there is a wall, that may or may not come down. There's a part of me that really hopes that he can break through the wall, & there's a part of me that says he hasn't got a chance in hell. but we're going to have to see. And not let our emotions get the best of us.
...This is going to be harder than i thought.