Awkward Dolphin and Fail Whale
Argh. So I have a crush at work. I thought he was super cute the first time I saw him. Then we randomly started to talk. When I worked self-checkout on Sunday mornings he would come up to the register for me to check him out. He had issues with one of the machines, so that's why he would come to the actual register.
We would talk a little, but I always would go all awkward dolphin. I felt like I come off as a stupid girl. Yay being bipolar and over-thinking EVERYTHING!!
Then two Sundays ago, we had an actual conversation when I was on break. I was delighted. There was more talking. So I sent him a friend request on Facebook. He accepted it, though I freaked out from the time I sent it to the time he accepted it.
On Monday night I started in lawn and garden. I was running returns up to the front, and I saw him. I decided to just play cool and let him talk to me. He actually did! So while he was working, I hung out and talked to him. It was about 20 minutes. There was a moment when this other girl, who has long hair and is thinner than me, came up to add himk to facebook.
When I had to go home, I asked if he wanted to hangout some time. He seemed to be up it. I was on cloud nine when I came home.
My cloud nine dissovled when I went to bed. My low self-esteem, over-anaylizing, and self doubt showed up. I tried hard to shut my brain down. All I could think about is he probably doesn't like me like I like him. He probably likes that other girl because she has long hair and is thinner. Heck she probably has even more in common with him, and probably isn't all awkward like me.
Yesterday I made a HUGE mistake, at least that's how I'm viewing it. I sent my crush a Facebook message telling him I enjoyed talking to him. It's been over 24 hours, and I haven't gotten a response. He's at least read the message.
So now my inner crazy, which I try to keep contained, is trying to burst out. I think I came off as too pushy and creepy. I don't want him to think I'm a crazy stalker. I'm so not. I just enjoyed talking to him, and I think we do have alot in common. I haven't liked someone like this in a long time.
BUT, I seriously am siding on the "I fucked up" side. I feel like I'm going to be forever alone, even though I'm putting myself out there. I'm trying to lose weight, hence working in L&G. I'm going to grow my hair out because guys like long hair on girls.
In the end, being bipolar will be my downfall. It's part of what caused my divorce. My episodes consist of being really angry, really depressed, or overly happy. When I'm depressed, I spend money. Then I get even more depressed. Being with a bipolar person is difficult for a non-bipolar person. I've ready so many articles about it.
What sucks is my ex-husband is already in a relationship! I mean, really?!
I think I'm going to be the crazy cat lady when I'm super old. It's just how life works out for me. Looks like I'm back to playing video games while I listen to Radiohead and Fiona Apple and watching Reality Bites alot.
Being an adult sucks.
We would talk a little, but I always would go all awkward dolphin. I felt like I come off as a stupid girl. Yay being bipolar and over-thinking EVERYTHING!!
Then two Sundays ago, we had an actual conversation when I was on break. I was delighted. There was more talking. So I sent him a friend request on Facebook. He accepted it, though I freaked out from the time I sent it to the time he accepted it.
On Monday night I started in lawn and garden. I was running returns up to the front, and I saw him. I decided to just play cool and let him talk to me. He actually did! So while he was working, I hung out and talked to him. It was about 20 minutes. There was a moment when this other girl, who has long hair and is thinner than me, came up to add himk to facebook.
When I had to go home, I asked if he wanted to hangout some time. He seemed to be up it. I was on cloud nine when I came home.
My cloud nine dissovled when I went to bed. My low self-esteem, over-anaylizing, and self doubt showed up. I tried hard to shut my brain down. All I could think about is he probably doesn't like me like I like him. He probably likes that other girl because she has long hair and is thinner. Heck she probably has even more in common with him, and probably isn't all awkward like me.
Yesterday I made a HUGE mistake, at least that's how I'm viewing it. I sent my crush a Facebook message telling him I enjoyed talking to him. It's been over 24 hours, and I haven't gotten a response. He's at least read the message.
So now my inner crazy, which I try to keep contained, is trying to burst out. I think I came off as too pushy and creepy. I don't want him to think I'm a crazy stalker. I'm so not. I just enjoyed talking to him, and I think we do have alot in common. I haven't liked someone like this in a long time.
BUT, I seriously am siding on the "I fucked up" side. I feel like I'm going to be forever alone, even though I'm putting myself out there. I'm trying to lose weight, hence working in L&G. I'm going to grow my hair out because guys like long hair on girls.
In the end, being bipolar will be my downfall. It's part of what caused my divorce. My episodes consist of being really angry, really depressed, or overly happy. When I'm depressed, I spend money. Then I get even more depressed. Being with a bipolar person is difficult for a non-bipolar person. I've ready so many articles about it.
What sucks is my ex-husband is already in a relationship! I mean, really?!
I think I'm going to be the crazy cat lady when I'm super old. It's just how life works out for me. Looks like I'm back to playing video games while I listen to Radiohead and Fiona Apple and watching Reality Bites alot.
Being an adult sucks.