(no subject)
Ok, all my friends know that I never make a public post unless its deserved. Well...I'm sick of being made to be the bad person of my divorce. I'm also very tired of being made to be a bad mother.
Now, most of you have seen pictures of my daughter. I don't post them very often, but she is a happy healthy child. Some of you have even seen her and how her and I interact. Well here is why I feel like my ex-husband AKA cyclonedc AKA merlock_j is, excuse my french, a complete fuck head.
We got divorced at the beginning of the month, after much debate of his part. I still believe that in his twisted mind he wants me back as some sort of victory. Its a sick vicious game. My main concern is my daughters well being. I feel that he is thinking of himself again, and not thinking of whats best for her.
His visitation with Ava is the first and third weekend of the month, from 8am on Saturday till 7pm on Sunday. He thought that it was the second and fourth weekend and didn't have the time off of work. Well I figured I would be a nice person and worked it out with him that he would get her from 9am till 4pm yesterday. I left her with him, a fully packed diaper bag and even went into Smiths and got him everything he needed to take care of her. He then started to whine about me not lending him one of my strollers for her. Well I wasn't about to take him the huge one because its a monster and my little umbrella stroller I bought. I proceeded to inform him that he would need to buy his own. I kissed my daughter and did the hardest thing a parent could do, left her with someone I didn't trust.
I went home and cried a bit, got on my computer and started tinkering with it. My phone sits next to my monitor and I waited for it to ring, or for my parents number to ring. Andy called me about 11am wanting to make sure he was making her bottle correctly. I could hear her screaming, not just a little fuss, full out screaming in the background. I had to walk him through taking care of her, asked him if I needed to come over and get her, and throughly got dismissed.
I sat in my room until my mom came in and had me go downstairs to eat. I was under so much stress that I couldn't eat at all. Andy called my number and left me a message to the extent of "I'm suprised you aren't waiting by your phone. I'm dropping off Ava early, see you then." We meet at Smiths, so its public, and I didn't know that my phone had rung until an hour later. I told him to call my parents line if he didn't get a hold of me. I don't walk around with my phone on my hip, its not a cell phone.
I showed up, thankfully, between the times he had specified. I waited, and waited, for almost a full hour. This is how Ava came back. She was no longer in the dress I had put her in, but in a heavier purple shirt. She had no socks or anything on. Granted I left her with just her dress on and diaper, but that was at 9am, when it was still cool out. She was passed out from being hot, and you could tell she was hot. She was sweaty, beet red, and had a ten pound diaper. All I did was take her from him and start walking away. But no, he wanted to have a conversation in the heat, while my daughter is probably sick! I looked at him and told him to go away and I walked into Smiths for a minute.
When I took Ava from Andy, she wasn't completely asleep, but she woke up enough to see me. She looked up and just sank into my arms, just happy to be with me. I took her into Smiths and put her in the stroller I had brought, and she woke up again. I got a half hearted grin and she was out.
My mom (who walked over with me) and I went home and started to see how bad things were. In the course of two hours (and most of the parents that read this will know something is off) she drank at least two full 8 oz. bottles of water. She ate 4 bottles of food and had a bowl of chicken and peas. She was fussing, which is unlike her, and yelling. She does a lot of baby talk, and this wasnt the normal cute lighthearted baby talk. This was in your face, yelling. She was hitting me, and looking at me like I was an enemy.
My dad finally calmed her down enough to go to bed. Her eyes were purple from crying. She had to have cried all day to get her eyes that purple. She is still constipated, finally got tears back, and cooled down. I had to take her to the doctor today to make sure that everything was ok.
Her entire attitude has changed too. She loves one of the maintenance guys that comes over to fix things in our apartment. Today, she just looked at him, no smiles no nothing. Tonight she started getting back to her normal self.
I called my ex and asked him about what she ate yesterday. I was hoping that maybe they had gotten stupid and given her formula. From 9 - 4 she had one bottle of food and not even a full bottle of juice. I live in Las Vegas, and its till in the 100s. I don't even go that long without a drink at least. His excuse, she wouldn't take it. If its been that long he should have called me, he calls me for everything else.
Well today was pretty good for the most part. My parents were really excited to see Ava. It sucks that I was so tired and exhausted that I had to sleep for a few hours, but at least I got to spend time with just me and her. Ok, here is what happened in the last couple of days. Well I went to work at 10pm, and worked till about 8am. I had some caffene pills to keep me awake since I haven't slept or even been home till today since friday morning. But anyways, the pills didn't help at all, I still fell asleep at work cause I was so tired, which also is a really good thing cause that ment I wasn't tired to see Ava. So I went to smith's to get Ava and my ex dropped her off, went inside the grocery store to get some things that Ava might have still needed and then we parted our seperate ways. I admit too that I cried a bit when I was sitting there at the bus stop, not just cause i was happy to finally have a somewhat sorta day with my daughter, but also cause I was upset, I don't understand why my ex still wants this, you can tell in multiple ways that we are ment to be parents to Ava, but not off and on parents I mean living together and being there for her parents. Anyways, so I get on the bus and I first stop at Rapid Cash cause I forgot my clothes for work at brookstone and wasn't sure if I would have time to get them later. Then me and Ava went to Wal-Mart to find a stroller and maybe another movie, since I was told she doesn't like Care Bears. I went to wal-mart and she fell asleep like almost imediately after I got off the bus. I thought at first she was upset, but she did the same thing again later on that day in my arms. So I got to wal-mart and wouldn't you know it, when I need something from there and I have the money to get it they are sold out. They didn't have the umbrella stoller, so I'm standing there thinking, GREAT, now I have to carry Ava the whole way to my parents house. I must say though that it wasn't as bad as I was thinking it was going to be, other than the few times that she decided she wanted to help me hold the bags and lean all the way out to the side. But we got to my parents and I layed her down for a bit cause my arms were tired and THEN she started screaming cause of 2 reasons, 1 she was upset being in a new place, and 2 she was REALLY tired. But that went really well, I had to call my ex and figure out how to make her bottle and such, then I fed her and Ava calmed down alot. I bought her charolette's web too and she enjoyed it even though she was fighting to stay awake. I tried to lay down with her to maybe get her to goto sleep and she wouldn't have it, and I was too tired to try and lay there and get her to calm down enough for some sleep. So I gave her to my mom and she is so in love with my mom it's not funny cause she calmed down and was laughing, so I went ahead and took a nap to at least be rested for work again. Well I woke up 2 hours later and my mom told me that Ava slept about an hour, then after she got up her and my mom went to walgreens to get her some toys since she really didn't have but a stuffed animal or 2 there. And my mom said that she was playing with Snickers(Thier dog) also, she pulled on his ears and laughed a bit, but from how she was acting she was doing really well. Then about 2:30 rolls around and I said it's time to go and me and AVa said bye to my parents, then I called my ex and said, "I'm surprised you aren't at the phone waiting for me to tell you I'm on my way(Sarcastic and with a small laugh), I should be at Smith's between 3 and 3:30 if the buses work well with me. I then hung up and left and took the bus up to the next bus. It sucked though cause the bus I needed had passed the light right as I got to the light to cross the street, so me and Ava had to wait on the next one. Well I asked the bus driver the time and he said it was about 3:30 or so when I got on the bus. So already I'm like shit, I fucked up by telling my ex this and yet I am not going to get there in time. But I figured it was alright cause the original time planned was 4, so I took the bus to the right stop and I figured it was about 3:50 when I got there, my cell was dead and I forgot to ask the bus chick what the time was. So I walk up to smith's and my ex's mom like walked out and then walked back as I walked behind her. I walked up to my ex and she didn't even act like she was happy to see Ava at all and had a pissed at me look on her face. I asked her what is wrong and she said she really didn't want to talk about it right now, I said NO FUCK THAT WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? She said she didn't want to argue with me and I said Whatever, I didn't get to say goodbye to Ava there, but I said it before hand on the bus just incase. But I asked her mom what the fuck did I do this time, and she said she doesn't know what's wrong. So I goto work and then I finally get home today and go off on my ex asking what all that was about and she won't answer me. SO I'm just going to say fuck it all and enjoy the fact that I got to spend time with my daughter finally and ejoyed all the time I spent. Now it's time for some MUCH needed and lost sleep, so later and happy days.
Here is my fathers LJ entry. Its open and you can comment to him.
This was taken on Friday. You can see that she is happy, healthy, the whole bit.
Here is a straight on shot of her face about an hour after she came home. You can see the purple eyes and if you just look at her, you can see something is wrong.
Now, most of you have seen pictures of my daughter. I don't post them very often, but she is a happy healthy child. Some of you have even seen her and how her and I interact. Well here is why I feel like my ex-husband AKA cyclonedc AKA merlock_j is, excuse my french, a complete fuck head.
We got divorced at the beginning of the month, after much debate of his part. I still believe that in his twisted mind he wants me back as some sort of victory. Its a sick vicious game. My main concern is my daughters well being. I feel that he is thinking of himself again, and not thinking of whats best for her.
His visitation with Ava is the first and third weekend of the month, from 8am on Saturday till 7pm on Sunday. He thought that it was the second and fourth weekend and didn't have the time off of work. Well I figured I would be a nice person and worked it out with him that he would get her from 9am till 4pm yesterday. I left her with him, a fully packed diaper bag and even went into Smiths and got him everything he needed to take care of her. He then started to whine about me not lending him one of my strollers for her. Well I wasn't about to take him the huge one because its a monster and my little umbrella stroller I bought. I proceeded to inform him that he would need to buy his own. I kissed my daughter and did the hardest thing a parent could do, left her with someone I didn't trust.
I went home and cried a bit, got on my computer and started tinkering with it. My phone sits next to my monitor and I waited for it to ring, or for my parents number to ring. Andy called me about 11am wanting to make sure he was making her bottle correctly. I could hear her screaming, not just a little fuss, full out screaming in the background. I had to walk him through taking care of her, asked him if I needed to come over and get her, and throughly got dismissed.
I sat in my room until my mom came in and had me go downstairs to eat. I was under so much stress that I couldn't eat at all. Andy called my number and left me a message to the extent of "I'm suprised you aren't waiting by your phone. I'm dropping off Ava early, see you then." We meet at Smiths, so its public, and I didn't know that my phone had rung until an hour later. I told him to call my parents line if he didn't get a hold of me. I don't walk around with my phone on my hip, its not a cell phone.
I showed up, thankfully, between the times he had specified. I waited, and waited, for almost a full hour. This is how Ava came back. She was no longer in the dress I had put her in, but in a heavier purple shirt. She had no socks or anything on. Granted I left her with just her dress on and diaper, but that was at 9am, when it was still cool out. She was passed out from being hot, and you could tell she was hot. She was sweaty, beet red, and had a ten pound diaper. All I did was take her from him and start walking away. But no, he wanted to have a conversation in the heat, while my daughter is probably sick! I looked at him and told him to go away and I walked into Smiths for a minute.
When I took Ava from Andy, she wasn't completely asleep, but she woke up enough to see me. She looked up and just sank into my arms, just happy to be with me. I took her into Smiths and put her in the stroller I had brought, and she woke up again. I got a half hearted grin and she was out.
My mom (who walked over with me) and I went home and started to see how bad things were. In the course of two hours (and most of the parents that read this will know something is off) she drank at least two full 8 oz. bottles of water. She ate 4 bottles of food and had a bowl of chicken and peas. She was fussing, which is unlike her, and yelling. She does a lot of baby talk, and this wasnt the normal cute lighthearted baby talk. This was in your face, yelling. She was hitting me, and looking at me like I was an enemy.
My dad finally calmed her down enough to go to bed. Her eyes were purple from crying. She had to have cried all day to get her eyes that purple. She is still constipated, finally got tears back, and cooled down. I had to take her to the doctor today to make sure that everything was ok.
Her entire attitude has changed too. She loves one of the maintenance guys that comes over to fix things in our apartment. Today, she just looked at him, no smiles no nothing. Tonight she started getting back to her normal self.
I called my ex and asked him about what she ate yesterday. I was hoping that maybe they had gotten stupid and given her formula. From 9 - 4 she had one bottle of food and not even a full bottle of juice. I live in Las Vegas, and its till in the 100s. I don't even go that long without a drink at least. His excuse, she wouldn't take it. If its been that long he should have called me, he calls me for everything else.
Well today was pretty good for the most part. My parents were really excited to see Ava. It sucks that I was so tired and exhausted that I had to sleep for a few hours, but at least I got to spend time with just me and her. Ok, here is what happened in the last couple of days. Well I went to work at 10pm, and worked till about 8am. I had some caffene pills to keep me awake since I haven't slept or even been home till today since friday morning. But anyways, the pills didn't help at all, I still fell asleep at work cause I was so tired, which also is a really good thing cause that ment I wasn't tired to see Ava. So I went to smith's to get Ava and my ex dropped her off, went inside the grocery store to get some things that Ava might have still needed and then we parted our seperate ways. I admit too that I cried a bit when I was sitting there at the bus stop, not just cause i was happy to finally have a somewhat sorta day with my daughter, but also cause I was upset, I don't understand why my ex still wants this, you can tell in multiple ways that we are ment to be parents to Ava, but not off and on parents I mean living together and being there for her parents. Anyways, so I get on the bus and I first stop at Rapid Cash cause I forgot my clothes for work at brookstone and wasn't sure if I would have time to get them later. Then me and Ava went to Wal-Mart to find a stroller and maybe another movie, since I was told she doesn't like Care Bears. I went to wal-mart and she fell asleep like almost imediately after I got off the bus. I thought at first she was upset, but she did the same thing again later on that day in my arms. So I got to wal-mart and wouldn't you know it, when I need something from there and I have the money to get it they are sold out. They didn't have the umbrella stoller, so I'm standing there thinking, GREAT, now I have to carry Ava the whole way to my parents house. I must say though that it wasn't as bad as I was thinking it was going to be, other than the few times that she decided she wanted to help me hold the bags and lean all the way out to the side. But we got to my parents and I layed her down for a bit cause my arms were tired and THEN she started screaming cause of 2 reasons, 1 she was upset being in a new place, and 2 she was REALLY tired. But that went really well, I had to call my ex and figure out how to make her bottle and such, then I fed her and Ava calmed down alot. I bought her charolette's web too and she enjoyed it even though she was fighting to stay awake. I tried to lay down with her to maybe get her to goto sleep and she wouldn't have it, and I was too tired to try and lay there and get her to calm down enough for some sleep. So I gave her to my mom and she is so in love with my mom it's not funny cause she calmed down and was laughing, so I went ahead and took a nap to at least be rested for work again. Well I woke up 2 hours later and my mom told me that Ava slept about an hour, then after she got up her and my mom went to walgreens to get her some toys since she really didn't have but a stuffed animal or 2 there. And my mom said that she was playing with Snickers(Thier dog) also, she pulled on his ears and laughed a bit, but from how she was acting she was doing really well. Then about 2:30 rolls around and I said it's time to go and me and AVa said bye to my parents, then I called my ex and said, "I'm surprised you aren't at the phone waiting for me to tell you I'm on my way(Sarcastic and with a small laugh), I should be at Smith's between 3 and 3:30 if the buses work well with me. I then hung up and left and took the bus up to the next bus. It sucked though cause the bus I needed had passed the light right as I got to the light to cross the street, so me and Ava had to wait on the next one. Well I asked the bus driver the time and he said it was about 3:30 or so when I got on the bus. So already I'm like shit, I fucked up by telling my ex this and yet I am not going to get there in time. But I figured it was alright cause the original time planned was 4, so I took the bus to the right stop and I figured it was about 3:50 when I got there, my cell was dead and I forgot to ask the bus chick what the time was. So I walk up to smith's and my ex's mom like walked out and then walked back as I walked behind her. I walked up to my ex and she didn't even act like she was happy to see Ava at all and had a pissed at me look on her face. I asked her what is wrong and she said she really didn't want to talk about it right now, I said NO FUCK THAT WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? She said she didn't want to argue with me and I said Whatever, I didn't get to say goodbye to Ava there, but I said it before hand on the bus just incase. But I asked her mom what the fuck did I do this time, and she said she doesn't know what's wrong. So I goto work and then I finally get home today and go off on my ex asking what all that was about and she won't answer me. SO I'm just going to say fuck it all and enjoy the fact that I got to spend time with my daughter finally and ejoyed all the time I spent. Now it's time for some MUCH needed and lost sleep, so later and happy days.
Here is my fathers LJ entry. Its open and you can comment to him.
This was taken on Friday. You can see that she is happy, healthy, the whole bit.
Here is a straight on shot of her face about an hour after she came home. You can see the purple eyes and if you just look at her, you can see something is wrong.