Things to be grateful for
For someone who is very grateful, I find that I am not grateful enough.
I was reading one of BFF Red's notes on Facebook and one thing struck me in particular:
12. Scariest thing you've experienced in the last year?
almost being in a deadly car crash. legit.
It took me a few seconds to register that I was in that car. And my thoughts started to scramble as they moved faster and faster. I replay the memory like it was yesterday... [cue the weird memory lane music and fog machines!]
***
We were on a highway and Red was trying to switch lanes. We were cut off. We fish tailed. There were horns blaring at some point. We straightened. Then we were in the grass, our speed was at least 55- heading straight for a tree. I could hear my friend saying, as calmly as could be, "Not the tree, not the tree, not the tree." She swung hard right. We missed the tree by mere inches. We missed a light pole by a few feet. The car screeched to a stop and we had barely let our breath go before we slid into a ditch.
My friend screamed several obscenities as I assessed what had just happened. I yelled in reaction, "What? What's wrong?" I was too busy staring at myself and staring at the ditch and back again.
"We're fucking stuck!!" she screams.
I look at her. This is the first time I've ever heard her say the word "fuck". And I've known her for eight years.
I look down once more.
I realize then I was not wearing a seat belt.
A laugh rumbles through my chest and out my lips and she looks at me like I'm insane.
"We're alive." I say trying to take in heaps of air, grateful for the burn it gives me. Grateful I'm alive.
***
I'm not insane, well... for the most part.
Laughter is how I cope with things. Granted, I cope with anger by either shutting down completely or a lashing tongue (but that's another psych evaluation for another time.) When something life threatening happens, I laugh. When I get physically hurt, I laugh. I don't cry for either instances. It's just how I cope.
We rarely take life for what it is-- a gift. And we rarely see it for what it is-- fragile. We are strong but as it stands, our technology is stronger and of this we should be very respectful. I have been down right reckless with my life and it's now I see the danger I really put myself in.
With that being said, I can look back, all those months ago, and I can feel truly grateful. I'm certain I should have died that day. And if I wouldn't have died, Red would have. Her Honda would have wrapped around that tree like it was silly string. I hate seat belts with a passion, always have. They make me feel confined. However, I wear one now. Or... Red reminds me to wear one.
Through everything I'm going through right now, I'm just grateful that I have the option to laugh and stress and cuss. And I'm grateful that I have Red as a best friend- because I don't know if anyone else could have saved us.
We were definitely in the hands of a guardian angel.
I look back now on all the stupid stuff I've done and I realize...
I've been in the hands of a guardian angel for my entire life.