You'll find the right in the pull of the trigger, now bite.
This weekend has been... emotionally and physically hectic. Too much thinking, none of which I am doing. I need to vent, but anyone to whom I can feasibly vent now will only judge me. It's crazy. There has just been entirely too much that has happened, and I need to get it out because I can't tell it to one certain person... oh dear.
I slept with my friend. We are completely pretending like it did not happen. But whether you ignore it or not, a cheat is a cheat.
A certain "prospect" informed me that despite a crush he has (had?) on me, he would never date me because he would not trust me. He thinks my boyfriend should absolutely not trust me and that we should break up because he deserves better.
An ex called me out of the blue, and we talked for half an hour, then another half an hour the next day. Apparantly he's been wanting to talk to me, but didn't know how to go about that. it's endearing that he thinks of me, but what is the point? What does he want? He's really a great guy, I'm sure it's nothing devious. I just wonder. I am certainly happy that he contacted me, though.
A friend from last year and I reunited. Got to chat, then hung out. Absolutely could not resist each other, but damn his strong moral fiber. He would not be a party to any cheating or anything like that. He's such a good man, but it's just not working for me right now.
So what? I have always believed that if you cheat, the relationship isn't meant to be. You obviously do not want it. But I do want my relationship... I just also enjoy the perks of being single. I truly do. I wish I could have it all. In my mind, it's fine. I keep my boyfriend and get to have meaningless trysts just for fun. No lie, they mean nothing. I am a big enough girl to realize this. They mean nothing.
I feel like emotionally cheating would be much much worse than a simple physical cheat. And I am not emotionally cheating. I feel like that would be case to completely feel bad a really break it off. But I am doing no such thing. What I do is empty and hollow. What I do doesn't (to me) affect how I feel about my boyfriend.
So fucking complicated. I don't want to think anymore.
I slept with my friend. We are completely pretending like it did not happen. But whether you ignore it or not, a cheat is a cheat.
A certain "prospect" informed me that despite a crush he has (had?) on me, he would never date me because he would not trust me. He thinks my boyfriend should absolutely not trust me and that we should break up because he deserves better.
An ex called me out of the blue, and we talked for half an hour, then another half an hour the next day. Apparantly he's been wanting to talk to me, but didn't know how to go about that. it's endearing that he thinks of me, but what is the point? What does he want? He's really a great guy, I'm sure it's nothing devious. I just wonder. I am certainly happy that he contacted me, though.
A friend from last year and I reunited. Got to chat, then hung out. Absolutely could not resist each other, but damn his strong moral fiber. He would not be a party to any cheating or anything like that. He's such a good man, but it's just not working for me right now.
So what? I have always believed that if you cheat, the relationship isn't meant to be. You obviously do not want it. But I do want my relationship... I just also enjoy the perks of being single. I truly do. I wish I could have it all. In my mind, it's fine. I keep my boyfriend and get to have meaningless trysts just for fun. No lie, they mean nothing. I am a big enough girl to realize this. They mean nothing.
I feel like emotionally cheating would be much much worse than a simple physical cheat. And I am not emotionally cheating. I feel like that would be case to completely feel bad a really break it off. But I am doing no such thing. What I do is empty and hollow. What I do doesn't (to me) affect how I feel about my boyfriend.
So fucking complicated. I don't want to think anymore.