day 89 (technically 90 now...)
well, i'm trying to get to bed soon, so i won't be long. but i will say that this was the first good day i've had in what seems like forever. i've been so wrapped up in my head and lost in my idols that i had lost sight of my true joy. and each day is another chance to take myself off the throne and back onto the altar. living sacrifice, and all that. pick up my cross. set my eyes on Christ. all that good Christianese.
that's the part that's so hard. i know all the right answers. i have great advice for others in my place. but when i get myself to here, it's always so dark and difficult to maintain composure. especially when no one else is around, no one else can see how weak i really am. (which is funny to put in a blog, because then everyone can read it...) but i'm finding out how my pride tells me i can't let other people know how much i'm hurting or desperately longing just for someone to talk to.
but i should never look to others for my strength, because they'll let me down. not every time, but eventually. no matter how much you love somebody, you're going to let them down eventually. that's why i need to find my strength in the Friend who is eternal. i need to place my hope in the Alpha and Omega. i need to find sufficiency in the One who loved me enough to take my punishment upon Himself.
i could go on and on, but i'll save that for another time. just wanted to say that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and it's drawing me closer to the Light eternal.
mmm...my beard is soft and cuddly.
that's the part that's so hard. i know all the right answers. i have great advice for others in my place. but when i get myself to here, it's always so dark and difficult to maintain composure. especially when no one else is around, no one else can see how weak i really am. (which is funny to put in a blog, because then everyone can read it...) but i'm finding out how my pride tells me i can't let other people know how much i'm hurting or desperately longing just for someone to talk to.
but i should never look to others for my strength, because they'll let me down. not every time, but eventually. no matter how much you love somebody, you're going to let them down eventually. that's why i need to find my strength in the Friend who is eternal. i need to place my hope in the Alpha and Omega. i need to find sufficiency in the One who loved me enough to take my punishment upon Himself.
i could go on and on, but i'll save that for another time. just wanted to say that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and it's drawing me closer to the Light eternal.
mmm...my beard is soft and cuddly.