39 weeks 5 days... UUUGH
Woke up today with consistant braxton hicks contractions around 8:15am after (masterbating) and eating some cocoa crispies and my prego tea. I also had some, what feels like, gas pain. It started in my back and now it's wrapped around my sides down to my belly. I can hear my intestines digesting good up in my chest which is weird. Tavi is still pretty active in between the pains. I went to the bathroom twice this morning. I texted my doula sarah and she says "GOOD! things are doing what they should!" Sooo.. I guess it's still a waiting game but this time with pain.. UUUgh. Danny is at work until 3ish and so is my mom and dad. I texted Tyler and asked if he could get me some fruit to snack on and chicken soup from luigis since no one else is around and believe it or not, I'm hungry through all this pain! I took a nap from 9-10am listening to some hypnobirthing on spotify which wasn't too bad and sorta relaxed me. Also, hugging lagrima helps everything, she's my little doula today.
Yesterday danny and I took a ride to the beach. Lagrima ran around and I walked barefoot in the warm soft sand, it felt so nice. I needed to see and hear the waves. I needed to smell the air and stand in awe of the perfect sky. I sat on the bench while danny went to the car to get his hoodie and just rubbed on my belly (you) thinking about how it wouldn't be long now before I get to hold you in my arms. I'm visualizing and practicing to stay calm for when my labor begins, to know that there is an end to the pain and at the end there is this magical gift, you. I've wanted a child my whole life. I wanted a family of my own. We are so close to having it, and it still seems so surreal.. as physically pregnant I look and feel, I still feel this strange protective reflection of myself as being the same before I was pregnant... in fear of losing this moment I need to remind myself how fortunate I am to have grown you and have the support of danny who has been so strong for the both of us. He told me on the phone today to keep talking to you as if you were sick to comfort you in place of my anxiety over the pains I was having... I do. Everyday, I talk, sing and rub on you. I'll do it for the rest of our lives. Come on home Tavi. We've been waiting a long time!
Yesterday danny and I took a ride to the beach. Lagrima ran around and I walked barefoot in the warm soft sand, it felt so nice. I needed to see and hear the waves. I needed to smell the air and stand in awe of the perfect sky. I sat on the bench while danny went to the car to get his hoodie and just rubbed on my belly (you) thinking about how it wouldn't be long now before I get to hold you in my arms. I'm visualizing and practicing to stay calm for when my labor begins, to know that there is an end to the pain and at the end there is this magical gift, you. I've wanted a child my whole life. I wanted a family of my own. We are so close to having it, and it still seems so surreal.. as physically pregnant I look and feel, I still feel this strange protective reflection of myself as being the same before I was pregnant... in fear of losing this moment I need to remind myself how fortunate I am to have grown you and have the support of danny who has been so strong for the both of us. He told me on the phone today to keep talking to you as if you were sick to comfort you in place of my anxiety over the pains I was having... I do. Everyday, I talk, sing and rub on you. I'll do it for the rest of our lives. Come on home Tavi. We've been waiting a long time!