suzaku | oo1

[keptdown]

Who: keptdown and you probably ...?
Where: EVERYWHERE-- somni business district.
Style: idk, i'll go with whatever you do.
Status: open.

Comments

[zerointegrity]

Thin fingers lingered at Suzaku's arm, barely touching, as the two continued to stand as close as possible. His eyes were tightly shut and his brow furrowed, a bead of sweat slowly rolling down his pale face. And then the whisper across his cheek came - I'm sorry - and it angered Lelouch. And with the anger came confusion, a flood of emotions mixed with a tremendous amount of hurt, guilt, and relief. He was angry that Suzaku was even offering an apology in the first place, yet confused as to why. The guilt came because he knew he was at the center of the reason behind the feelings and the relief came because, maybe, this was the start of being able to work past things.

His eyes were open, though they were not looking at the face before his, but at the ground below. "Lelouch," he said sternly. "Your Majesty is a title my guard and subjects, not my closest friends, use to address me. You're not assuming the role of my knight right now, you don't need to address me as if you are."

He allowed his hands to remain at Suzaku's side for a few moments longer as he listened carefully, watching the smile grow, before letting them fall as he took a step and abruptly turned his back on his friend.

The young emperor's heart was suddenly heavy, his mind inundated with more than most could handle. I came from a time when you're dead. Six months after that incident, to be precise, were his words... but they weren't all that important. It would be selfish of Lelouch to change the subject of their conversation away from their relationship to something that meant more to him, but Lelouch vi Britannia was an extremely selfish man and he couldn't control the direction in which his mind traveled at times.

Tilting his chin back, his eyes drift toward the sky, "I have no way of truly knowing how painful it was for either of us. I come from a time roughly nine months to a year prior to your current point in time. The annihilation of Pendragon was the last thing I recall before arriving in Somarium."

A deep breath, an attempt to carry on, "She tells me that she is still alive." His voice weakened, "Is she well?"

[keptdown]

Ah. He can feel a rift between them suddenly, but for once- for once he doesn't seem to mind. Maybe. Probably. As always, this is how it is. How it should be.

And so, Suzaku slips his serious face back on (Zero), eyes closing as he looks off to the side and answers Lelouch's question, "The Empress is well, yes. As well as she can be -- she's been busy with international affairs, but Schneizel and I are with her to make sure she doesn't take more on her shoulders than she can carry." His shoulders are tense and he would like nothing more than to walk around a little because his legs are growing slightly tired, but he keeps his stance straight. He is Zero, after all; there's nothing that can change that.

"You say that the last thing you remember is Pendragon being destroyed by FLEIJA... It was a little after that, then- that we found out Nunnally was alive, and that she became our enemy, siding with Schneizel and Cornelia," Suzaku continues before pausing, hesitating no longer than two seconds before he finishes, "She opened her eyes, Lelouch. She can see now."

He wonders, briefly, how Lelouch will take that. The news that his younger sister can see as clear as anyone in Britannia or Japan (possibly clearer), and that she is Empress with Zero and Schneizel but her side. But, Suzaku doesn't dwell on it for too long; after all, it doesn't happen to be something he wants to think about if he doesn't have to. It makes a sickening kind of feeling fester in his gut.

Not that he doesn't want to think about Nunnally, of course; when C.C. so kindly that time had just frozen back home, he was more than a little relieved. Nothing will have changed when he returns to Britannia. Lelouch will be dead, C.C. a letter away, and Schneizel and Nunnally at his side. So, there's really nothing to worry about. This happening between he and Lelouch, in the end, won't --

(It's depressing so he stops that thought quickly. He is truly naive, and he is well aware of this. As if things could return to the way they were back then. There goes trying to be 'Suzaku Kururugi'.)

Suzaku doesn't look at Lelouch- why in the hell would he (Zero) want to talk to someone's (Lelouch's) back, anyway, let alone look at it -- instead keeping his eyes trained on one thing or another. Perhaps it would have been better if he had not gone out today; his gut had told him that much, at least, when he woke up that morning. Regardless of what it thought, he dragged himself out of bed and put a god damn smile on his face. Defiance at its prime, probably. Testing to see if he could still trust that old feeling of his.

It seems he can. Next time his gut disagrees with his plans for the day, he plans on changing those plans to something he has a good feeling about so that he can avoid situations like the one he has on his hands right now. Next time, Suzaku will curl back up in bed and sleep in. And, just maybe, he might not even go out that day. Maybe he'll lock the doors and take a day off.

... Maybe pigs will fly.

[zerointegrity]

There were very few individuals on this earth who had ever seen his tears flow so openly and freely and that's how he'd intended things. The witch had seen his tears a number of times, Suzaku only once during their adult life. Raw emotions weren't meant to be seen by the public, they were a sign of weakness. There was never an opportunity to show the armies, the subjects, the people around him his vulnerabilities... He was a leader and leaders weren't supposed to have weaknesses. Those things were meant to be locked away, held firmly in place behind layer after layer of heavy mask.

Yet, when there was a crack in that mask and something was slowly chipping away at it, bits and pieces of it would begin to fall. As each piece hit the ground, it shattered into thousands of pieces that couldn't be put back together and the layers of the masks had begun to peel away and fall to the ground, completely destroyed.

And suddenly the exposed eighteen year old face was left standing there, staring at the sky, bewildered.

He shut his eyes tightly, trying to stop the pain from spilling out, but nothing could prevent it at this point. His narrow shoulders drooped slightly though he tried to maintain his posture... but the trembling was starting to take over, working its way from his neck to his feet.

It was one thing hearing that Schneizel was taking care of his precious Nunnally, that produced more anger than anything.

But when Suzaku finished with, She can open her eyes, Lelouch. She can see... All sanity was out the window. Nunnally meant everything to Lelouch, she was his raison d'être. To hear this, to hear that, not only was she alive, but that she had regained something so wrongfully taken from her at such a young age...

Warm tears reluctantly started to spill from his clouded eyes and stain his pale skin. As the minutes passed, they poured faster and faster until they were a steady stream down his cheeks, dripping off of his jaw and into the dirt below. His fists were clenched at his side and he was doing all he could to try and stop his arms from trembling, but his efforts were futile.

Words were useless at this point, he didn't want Suzaku to hear him crying... he was sure he already knew.

So, he stood in silence, tears streaming down his face, looking at the sky. Stoic as ever. Back turned on his best friend.

Not even willing to let him see what was behind those masks.

[keptdown]

He sees when Lelouch starts crying, reads his body language as he has many times, and it's then that he steps forward and sets a hand on one of Lelouch's elbows, his other hand moving to wrap around Lelouch's waist and securing long arm under his own. A backwards hold that is tight and, honestly, all that Suzaku has to offer him after words spoken only because he can speak them. Suzaku has always spoken freely as Zero, and with or without the mask- it doesn't change much.

(He is tempted to do something that he doesn't think would be appropriate to do. In the end, he doesn't do it, for he's crushed that thought with the sole of his shoes.)

Suzaku cranes his neck to press his cheek against Lelouch's ear and lets a sigh out before saying, "She loves you, Lelouch." And that is saying something, considering how upset she was before and after Lelouch's death. Lelouch who had betrayed everyone and didn't hesitate after finding a set course- it's strange, though. This is the only way he knows how to comfort Lelouch, to let him know that he's loved and not hated by the sister he holds so dear to himself no matter what she's said or done, no matter how many FLEIJA she's fired on them both.

This time it lasts longer, an arm around his Emperor and a hand on the other's elbow, holding him in place so that he can't escape -- not too tight, but tight enough to keep him close and grounded -- eyes closing indefinitely. Again, he's more than tempted to press his face against Lelouch's neck, to tell Lelouch that Nunnally misses him and wants to be with him, but that- that is not how it's to be. That desire is not something to be expressed any longer. At least, not after what Nunnally had witnessed -- her brother being run through with a sword right in front of her while she was chained and bound -- and Suzaku was more than willing to make a bet that they would both cry if they seen each other again and Nunnally expressed herself.

If this is how it is, then so be it it seems. Only like this can Suzaku tell him- and hope he remembers, should something bad happen.

And yet, he doesn't want Lelouch to cry. Tears have always been something of a weakness for him, and Lelouch's tears are rare things indeed, having a definite effect on him. Suzaku almost smiles at the thought. He has a hardened heart now, for he is completely alone in his life. Practicality is something of an easy way for him, and he hates it; however, he abides by it, by the words spoken to him from lips some have said belong to the devil, and he will follow those words until the day he finally dies- once and for all.

(I need to live)

Not yet, his mind whispers quickly, to stop the surge of the Geass that prevents him from having his wish fulfilled. He's not yet ready to leave Lelouch here, doesn't have half the mind to do so when Lelouch is clearly not in a mental state to be left alone, and his body is not warm enough to pull away. Notyetnotyetnotyet.

His fingers curl both around the knob of Lelouch's elbow and around the clothes over his waist. He decides, quickly, that he will let go when Lelouch is through crying. Suzaku will leave as quickly as he came, and probably will not look back. Yes. This is what his decision is while in the spur of the moment. (Not Suzaku, ZeroZeroZero.) But he does wonder, perhaps, what would have happened had he walked away. Lelouch is a fickle, selfish thing after all. But, maybe it is better that he does not know; Suzaku expects it now, really, when it comes to Lelouch. He expects Lelouch to keep things from him- after all, he's done so before. Why change anything now?

(No. Nothing will change no matter how close he clutches his Emperor.)

[zerointegrity]

As his violet eyes stared at the clouded sky above them, his tears slowly started to dry, leaving stains across his cheeks and eyes that were slightly on the reddish side. Not exactly fitting to appear in public looking like this, but there was nothing he could do at this point except move on. It was a shame that the masks he wore weren't things he could physically take on and off, something that could actually use to cover up the hurt and anger that was currently smeared across his face. But, again, there was nothing he could do at this point but push all of this back down and move on, hoping it didn't find its way to the surface for a while.

Several long minutes passed before the rise and fall of his chest returned to a semi-normal pattern. Lelouch was thankful for what Suzaku said, though he would be hard pressed to admit such a thing with anything more than a nod where they stood now.

He tried to twist out of the young man's grasp, but his strength didn't match that of his companion. It was useless, Suzaku's arm was still wrapped around his waist, his fingers curled into the fabric of his clothes. He placed his hand on his knight, no, his friend's forearm, "Suzaku..."

A sigh escaped, "Where do we go from here? All of these skeletons have been laid out before us, brought out from the closet despite our best attempts to keep them hidden away. Somarium has provided a means for us to sort through these things and has given us all the time we need."

Perhaps it was selfish of him to think that they could sort through the things that had tormented their storied pasts. But Lelouch was a fickle, selfish thing after all.

He did nothing to move away from Suzaku, nothing to break from his grasp. Instead, he chose to stand there a moment longer in silence.

[keptdown]

There's a hand on his forearm and he almost lets go immediately, his nae something of an anchor for he and his subconscious. (A rather depressing anchor, at that.) He's still Zero in mind, still very much alone. Being with Lelouch like this, though-

-- somehow it helps ease that loneliness, just a little bit.

The arm around Lelouch's waist moves, that hand dragging upwards to press over Lelouch's chest and feeling the flutter of his heart under his ribcage. The Emperor has stopped crying, even tried to get away (unsuccessful attempt number one of course, because Suzaku refuses to let go), and seems to be speaking well enough now -- spouting off something almost interesting in prospective -- so he figures he should finally let him go.

He doesn't do so, not right away at least; not until he brushes their cheeks together. When Suzaku pulls away, he gives something of a secretive smile before saying, "You want to sort through things, Lelouch? You honestly want to do that?" Suzaku doesn't sound disbelieving, no- just shocked, perhaps, that Lelouch would truly want to work things out between them. Lelouch is dead in Suzaku's (Zero's) time, his old kingdom taken over and rebuilt by Nunnally vi Britannia.

And she tries so hard, too; to rule like she thinks her brother would have had he been a kind ruler. Had the circumstances been very different, Suzaku is sure (absolutely so) that Lelouch would have been --

(no)

No matter. The beat of Lelouch's heart is something that Suzaku only let himself focus on when he had an arm around him, but now that he doesn't- well, he feels a little empty. It's a passing thing he's sure, but it doesn't stop the fact that the feeling is there and pestering him like no other. However, Suzaku does his best to push it to the side, to forget a little bit of the pain he feels for just a little while longer. This is something he can't afford to show Lelouch -- Lelouch had seen enough, after all -- and he's not going to dwell on it any further.

He wants to work through things. He wants to put an end to his anxiety, and actually believe the words that come out of Lelouch's mouth; it's hard, though, after having been lied to for so long. That, and it's been six long months since he's heard a lie. Not that Suzaku is counting Nunnally's lies -- I'll be alright, Lord Zero -- because she's still grieving in her own way, and those are lies he can later point out and confront. Small ones that hold so much.

/ridiculously late OTL

[zerointegrity]

"This world is so very different from what we are used to - nobody knows who I am, nobody knows my past transgressions... Nobody knows who you are, nobody knows the things you've done." He paused for a moment and turned to face Suzaku, "As I said before, you and I, both, have been given a second chance. The weight of Britannia is no longer bearing down on either of us, crushing us under its immensity, and it would be foolish of us to not make the best of this opportunity we've been given."

Lelouch was at a loss. He was trying to understand, trying to grasp Suzaku's view of the entire situation, but he couldn't. Things were so very different in Britannia before he arrived in this dream world and the circumstances in one's home world can greatly impact one's actions upon their arrival.

His mind couldn't help but drift back to the things Suzaku said - that Nunnally loved him, that she could see, that Schneizel was there with her, that things were being taken care of like they should be. But those thoughts weren't pertinent right now, they had nothing to do with his life in Somarium. These future events were already set in stone, it seems, and there was nothing he could do (especially given his current location) to change the outcome of things. The only thing he could focus on was his life in Somarium.

"What more do you want me to say? Are you looking for anything in particular? A magic word or phrase?" he sighed, frustrated. "I have nothing else to add, Suzaku, you know my feelings right now. I'm not hiding anything from you."