Lockon hadn't visited the library yet, but it wasn't too hard to figure out where it was. He took off at a run from the apartment, barely remembering to lock the door after chucking the cheap-version Haro Dreamberry into a corner of his dusty new living room. It was about fifteen minutes before he came across the building, panting but not sweating due to the freezing cold outside
( ... )
Tieria's head snapped to the side in a fit of rage when he heard his name spoken.
He did not want to be bothered. He did not want that man to see him like this. He did not...
Tieria glared at Lockon Stratos, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He was so angry and so hurt that he had no idea how to respond. Even though he tried, he couldn't muster any words. He continued to glare at the man as tears continued to fall.
Lockon continued to approach him, though somewhat carefully. He kept his eyes on the other man until he was within a few feet of him. He kneeled down slowly, trying not to crush any of the books.
He put a hand on his knee. "Talk to me," he said softly.
Tieria turned away from Lockon (who was now kneeling down beside him).
He couldn't bear to look at him any longer.
He wiped his face and eyes multiple times. Tieria's glasses had long been discarded; they were laying on the floor under the books or somewhere... he wasn't sure. He was sure, however, that no matter how many times he wiped his eyes that the tears would not cease their flow.
"There is nothing I have..." Tieria sniffed, choking down another sob. "...to discuss with you, Lockon Stratos."
Lockon made a move as though he was going to edge closer, but decided against it. He looked clearly pained, his jaw set in a hard way, making it obvious that if he wasn't clenching his teeth he'd be shaking. "I-I-" But he couldn't think of anything to say, and that was impossibly frustrating. This wasn't him. This wasn't Lockon Stratos. Lockon Stratos would know exactly what to say, and it'd probably be something nonchalant, but it would make the situation better, at least temporarily.
Neil Dylandy, on the other hand. Neil Dylandy was the emotional one, the side Lockon only carefully brought out now and then. Neil had no place in Celestial Being. It was Neil that visited Ireland and the graves. It was Neil that locked himself in his room on the Ptolemaios and pounded the window glass with angry fists because this fucking world was a disgusting place, and despite how hard he tried to change it, it never seemed to move...
I'm not that guy any more. I'm not that kid who cried and I'm not that orphan. So why did he feel so alone? ...No
( ... )
"I just... I..." His voice was thick with restrained emotion. Lockon looked up and was pained to see Tieria still sobbing. He didn't pause to think about it. He shoved a pile of books to the side with one strong arm and crawled close to him.
"Please-" His injured eye throbbed, some kind of reminder- "-just-" But what could he say? What was he to ask? He wanted to tell Tieria to stop crying. He wanted to apologize for dying on him. He wanted to just remind Tieria that he was alive now, and that he wasn't going to leave again. That it was nobody's fault. He wasn't dead, and he was here, and God damn it he wished he knew the right thing to say.
Tieria could feel the heat next to his body as Lockon suddenly moved very close, almost touching. Tieria couldn't bear this. He couldn't bear to be this close to this man, physically or emotionally. He didn't want to open his heart, he didn't want to let this man inside... he was DEAD. When... If Tieria returned to his world, to the Ptolemaios, to his beloved Space - he would be forced to face reality again. There would be no connection to Veda and his most beloved colleague would still be dead. And these thoughts killed him.
Tieria folded further into his shell the more he thought. The more the thoughts ran rampant through his mind, the more he closed everybody off from reaching deep inside.
"L-Lockon Stratos, what do you want from me?" he snapped as he tried to stop tears from spilling onto his cheeks.
"I want you to stop hiding. I want you to... talk to me. While I'm here. I'm going to be here, Tieria. Things can... Things can change. And if you're going to hide from me, I..." Lockon's voice trailed off. He just didn't know what to say.
He hesitated, swallowed. And then he reached his hand out. It rested gently on Tieria's forearm, and he kept it there, looking him right in the face. "I... need you." And his vision was swimming again. "That's what I want from you." And whatever Tieria did with those words was up to him. But something like a great weight left his shoulders once he'd said it. Like a strong exhale after minutes spent underwater, staring at the surface.
Tieria sighed, looking up at Lockon. He looked down at Lockon's hand resting on his arm and, under normal circumstances, he would have jerked his arm away instantly... but right now, he just couldn't.
"Lockon, we have had a conversation like this before. Y-You told me that Celestial Being's plans could work without Veda, and I still struggle with that. My whole existence at this point has been dictated by Veda... And what you said about making mistakes and being human... I just don't know..."
Tieria took a few minutes to slowly breathe in an attempt to calm himself down a little. He looked at Lockon once more, "I was injured. I ejected my GN drive. I left myself for dead in Nadleeh so I could go to where you were..."
With this last statement, Tieria hung his head in humiliation. He wasn't the kind of being to say such things and have such feelings.
They can work without Veda, Lockon was about to say. Everybody makes mistakes. Shit happens, but we pull through. We keep struggling. That's what Celestial Being is fighting for, and as long as we have the will... That's what he was about to say. Something inspiring, something encouraging. It was Tieria's next words that took them straight out of his mouth and brain.
His breath came in a disbelieving little hiss. "No..." he murmured.
Left myself dead in Nadleeh so I could go to where you are. That was it, wasn't it? That sealed it. This went so much deeper than Lockon was prepared for. And the guilt- the guilt was still there for dying a death he hadn't even experienced himself yet. The guilt for the choice he would have eventually made. But now that he knew- now that he had the knowledge- if he ever went back, couldn't things be changed...?
He worded none of this. He had no idea why he was thinking it. I just don't want to hurt him again. What Tieria had just said was horrible, and yet... He was filled with a kind of warmth at hearing it.
It was an entirely impulsive move. He placed his hand upon Tieria's head and drew him close- not quite holding him, just keeping him near. "I..." He swallowed. His throat was dry. "...Thank you."
Lockon said nothing more. His hand stroked the top iof Tieria's head reflexively, almost idly. Tieria's breath was warm through his shirt. His breathing grew somewhat shaky- relieved, somehow, but still wary.
"L-Lockon Stratos, why are you thanking me? I did nothing deserving of your thanks."
Tieria didn't move.
He was highly uncomfortable at the moment due to the proximity of Lockon's body to his own. He wasn't one for physical contact - he never had been and, frankly, couldn't ever see himself in a position to enjoy it. But, he realized that Lockon needed him close... and that he, too, needed Lockon.
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He did not want to be bothered.
He did not want that man to see him like this.
He did not...
Tieria glared at Lockon Stratos, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He was so angry and so hurt that he had no idea how to respond. Even though he tried, he couldn't muster any words. He continued to glare at the man as tears continued to fall.
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He put a hand on his knee. "Talk to me," he said softly.
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He couldn't bear to look at him any longer.
He wiped his face and eyes multiple times. Tieria's glasses had long been discarded; they were laying on the floor under the books or somewhere... he wasn't sure. He was sure, however, that no matter how many times he wiped his eyes that the tears would not cease their flow.
"There is nothing I have..." Tieria sniffed, choking down another sob. "...to discuss with you, Lockon Stratos."
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Neil Dylandy, on the other hand. Neil Dylandy was the emotional one, the side Lockon only carefully brought out now and then. Neil had no place in Celestial Being. It was Neil that visited Ireland and the graves. It was Neil that locked himself in his room on the Ptolemaios and pounded the window glass with angry fists because this fucking world was a disgusting place, and despite how hard he tried to change it, it never seemed to move...
I'm not that guy any more. I'm not that kid who cried and I'm not that orphan. So why did he feel so alone? ...No ( ... )
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"Please-" His injured eye throbbed, some kind of reminder- "-just-" But what could he say? What was he to ask? He wanted to tell Tieria to stop crying. He wanted to apologize for dying on him. He wanted to just remind Tieria that he was alive now, and that he wasn't going to leave again. That it was nobody's fault. He wasn't dead, and he was here, and God damn it he wished he knew the right thing to say.
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Tieria folded further into his shell the more he thought. The more the thoughts ran rampant through his mind, the more he closed everybody off from reaching deep inside.
"L-Lockon Stratos, what do you want from me?" he snapped as he tried to stop tears from spilling onto his cheeks.
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He hesitated, swallowed. And then he reached his hand out. It rested gently on Tieria's forearm, and he kept it there, looking him right in the face. "I... need you." And his vision was swimming again. "That's what I want from you." And whatever Tieria did with those words was up to him. But something like a great weight left his shoulders once he'd said it. Like a strong exhale after minutes spent underwater, staring at the surface.
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"Lockon, we have had a conversation like this before. Y-You told me that Celestial Being's plans could work without Veda, and I still struggle with that. My whole existence at this point has been dictated by Veda... And what you said about making mistakes and being human... I just don't know..."
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With this last statement, Tieria hung his head in humiliation. He wasn't the kind of being to say such things and have such feelings.
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His breath came in a disbelieving little hiss. "No..." he murmured.
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He worded none of this. He had no idea why he was thinking it. I just don't want to hurt him again. What Tieria had just said was horrible, and yet... He was filled with a kind of warmth at hearing it.
It was an entirely impulsive move. He placed his hand upon Tieria's head and drew him close- not quite holding him, just keeping him near. "I..." He swallowed. His throat was dry. "...Thank you."
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He just sat with his head against his fellow Gundam Meister.
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Tieria didn't move.
He was highly uncomfortable at the moment due to the proximity of Lockon's body to his own. He wasn't one for physical contact - he never had been and, frankly, couldn't ever see himself in a position to enjoy it. But, he realized that Lockon needed him close... and that he, too, needed Lockon.
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