(no subject)
i'm feeling Hitlery today, hence the new pic (which i stole from some friend of kanika....heh, i steal the goodness!!!
funny thing is, i'm meant to study hitler and nazis in history, but i already know so much that it's actually boring!!!! plus they put the whole love the jews spin on it so it's kinda fucked.
moving on, i am going to make plans to come up to sydney for the weekend of the 29th of september soon. i will get to see you julesy wulesy! Dunno if Dave can come. he just got a shit job at some petrol station, working 2-10pm sometimes on weekends, i'm happy for him but pissed off becuase it most likely means we wont see each other at all. i work like 3 early mornings a week and i only get weekends off from all my bullshit so i feel a bit fucked over my god right now. i know, boo hoo to me. but i actually like my bf, so thats why it sucks and i'm whinging.
speaking of bf's, i am feeling really bad for dancebabydance, i want to call her, but i was wondering if i should wait. i just think it was for the best. he doesnt deserve her with the fucked up ways he treated her. she needs a healthy relationship, where a guy doesnt beat her up emotionally for his validation. i talked to a guy i work with about this kind of guy and he says they do that to their gf's becuase they feel like a weed to other guys and need to be the tall poppy around the girl. i hope there is a guy out there for her that puts her up on a high place where she belongs.
anyways, little more funny stuff. dave's ex rachael, who was living with two of his friends moved out last weekend becuase she got into a bad fight with one of the guys about cleaning, even though she doesnt even have the brain to clean up her dog's and cat's vomit and shit on the fucking carpet when we are there. good riddence i say, noone will miss her. but another piece of info about her which was striking is that she finally found out about dave cheating on her when they were going out. it was with her friend , and she spoke with dave about it and he was honest. she apparently is not too upset seeing as they've been broken up for a while and she's not a fucking saint either. the friend freaked when she realised her big mouth let the cat out of the bag, but i'm glad she knows now. as much as i dislike her and dont trust her, she deserved to know. any girl does. i dont like that dave did that at all, but i chalk it up to the fact he was immature as all hell and didnt take the relationship seriously at the time. of course, the girl he cheated on with and rachael both dont want dave's friend to know. becuase it was his ex girlfriend (they were broken up but still not good to fuck your friend's ex). only time will tell if the truth reaches his ears and then maybe the shit will hit the fan, who knows. but for now, it seems to be fine.
i sometimes freak about all that shit. about how relationships are meant to survive for so long, and whether both people can really make the effort necessary to not cheat, either emotionally or physically. i think it is, but you seem to have to have a really distinct personality and frame of mind. so many people i speak with find excuses and reasons to say its okay, and that its human nature. i can take that a guy or girl looking at a nice looking person down the street is human nature. we all like pretty things (and downies, they are fun to look at too), but cheating?? dave and i seem to have that understanding, that it is a deal breaker, but will that stop anything?? and another even more perplexing question is whether or not it still stays a deal breaker if you get married. i know married people sometimes work through it, but is that natural or not?
maybe i really cant get over the topic or idea becuase it represents betrayal. to me, betrayal of trust that someone bestows upon another is sacred. maybe the only thing sacred in this life. we can all idolize other things, but the gift of trust from another, true trust, is not given many times to any of us. i dont think as much as dave loves me he has really totally given his trust over to me. and maybe i havent either. NOT becuase we dont trust each other to be faithful. i think we both trust in that. but think about the trust you had as a child to you parents. that unwavering faith in their abilities to always pick you up and help you whatever situation you were in. will you wake up one day and look at your partner and realise that trust is walking out the door becuase they have a mid life crisis or a change of heart????
maybe its a waste to think about these things, but who wouldnt. if you want a real fucking relationship you have to. you cant rely on dr phil and oprah to fucking do it. and lets face it, we are too young to have any friends who can help. i have no idea if i'll find someone that will never betray me. maybe i have in dave, who knows, but it's so much more than people realise, to give in.
another fucking endless rant by me, i didnt stop to think about whether i'd even be around tomorrow to give a shit. thats a possibility too i suppose. xxoo
funny thing is, i'm meant to study hitler and nazis in history, but i already know so much that it's actually boring!!!! plus they put the whole love the jews spin on it so it's kinda fucked.
moving on, i am going to make plans to come up to sydney for the weekend of the 29th of september soon. i will get to see you julesy wulesy! Dunno if Dave can come. he just got a shit job at some petrol station, working 2-10pm sometimes on weekends, i'm happy for him but pissed off becuase it most likely means we wont see each other at all. i work like 3 early mornings a week and i only get weekends off from all my bullshit so i feel a bit fucked over my god right now. i know, boo hoo to me. but i actually like my bf, so thats why it sucks and i'm whinging.
speaking of bf's, i am feeling really bad for dancebabydance, i want to call her, but i was wondering if i should wait. i just think it was for the best. he doesnt deserve her with the fucked up ways he treated her. she needs a healthy relationship, where a guy doesnt beat her up emotionally for his validation. i talked to a guy i work with about this kind of guy and he says they do that to their gf's becuase they feel like a weed to other guys and need to be the tall poppy around the girl. i hope there is a guy out there for her that puts her up on a high place where she belongs.
anyways, little more funny stuff. dave's ex rachael, who was living with two of his friends moved out last weekend becuase she got into a bad fight with one of the guys about cleaning, even though she doesnt even have the brain to clean up her dog's and cat's vomit and shit on the fucking carpet when we are there. good riddence i say, noone will miss her. but another piece of info about her which was striking is that she finally found out about dave cheating on her when they were going out. it was with her friend , and she spoke with dave about it and he was honest. she apparently is not too upset seeing as they've been broken up for a while and she's not a fucking saint either. the friend freaked when she realised her big mouth let the cat out of the bag, but i'm glad she knows now. as much as i dislike her and dont trust her, she deserved to know. any girl does. i dont like that dave did that at all, but i chalk it up to the fact he was immature as all hell and didnt take the relationship seriously at the time. of course, the girl he cheated on with and rachael both dont want dave's friend to know. becuase it was his ex girlfriend (they were broken up but still not good to fuck your friend's ex). only time will tell if the truth reaches his ears and then maybe the shit will hit the fan, who knows. but for now, it seems to be fine.
i sometimes freak about all that shit. about how relationships are meant to survive for so long, and whether both people can really make the effort necessary to not cheat, either emotionally or physically. i think it is, but you seem to have to have a really distinct personality and frame of mind. so many people i speak with find excuses and reasons to say its okay, and that its human nature. i can take that a guy or girl looking at a nice looking person down the street is human nature. we all like pretty things (and downies, they are fun to look at too), but cheating?? dave and i seem to have that understanding, that it is a deal breaker, but will that stop anything?? and another even more perplexing question is whether or not it still stays a deal breaker if you get married. i know married people sometimes work through it, but is that natural or not?
maybe i really cant get over the topic or idea becuase it represents betrayal. to me, betrayal of trust that someone bestows upon another is sacred. maybe the only thing sacred in this life. we can all idolize other things, but the gift of trust from another, true trust, is not given many times to any of us. i dont think as much as dave loves me he has really totally given his trust over to me. and maybe i havent either. NOT becuase we dont trust each other to be faithful. i think we both trust in that. but think about the trust you had as a child to you parents. that unwavering faith in their abilities to always pick you up and help you whatever situation you were in. will you wake up one day and look at your partner and realise that trust is walking out the door becuase they have a mid life crisis or a change of heart????
maybe its a waste to think about these things, but who wouldnt. if you want a real fucking relationship you have to. you cant rely on dr phil and oprah to fucking do it. and lets face it, we are too young to have any friends who can help. i have no idea if i'll find someone that will never betray me. maybe i have in dave, who knows, but it's so much more than people realise, to give in.
another fucking endless rant by me, i didnt stop to think about whether i'd even be around tomorrow to give a shit. thats a possibility too i suppose. xxoo