Bat. underneath the fears.
"Bat is a powerful totem that carries a very heavy message. It is usually misunderstood, for it is more comfortable to ignore the teachings of bat - which is all about fear. Bat brings up our most hidden fears; those that lurk in the dark corners of our mind and spirit; those that make us break out in a cold sweat. He is telling you that it is time to bring these fears to the light. Nothing is greater torture than hiding such fears for our very refusal to acknowledge and deal with them only magnifies them, gives them even more power over us, and turns them into destructive monsters."
Bat is about again. Last night I went through all my medicine cards with the pendulum, searching for animal guidance, to see if any could come forward to help me find my way. I ended up starting from one end, working through, with each one saying "no". Moving on the next "no". And so on. As I got towards the end I started panicking - what if there is no one. what if this is just a stupid pile of cards. what if there is no help for me. what if I have gone the wrong way and I am abandoned.
towards the end, one card I found. I was so tired and drained at this point for some reason. I decided to honour whatever had come my way - turned over the card to reveal Bat. ah yes my old friend... I had to smile. I was being a bit batty this sort of time last year. Kind of interesting to look back at that. And bat has flitted about and caught my attention a few times lately.
ye gods ALL my fears are coming up - fear of inadequecy. fear of madness. fear of weakness. fear of oblivion. fear of nothingness. fear that I will be crushed. fear of people pointing and laughing. fear of letting people down. fear of messing people up. fear fear fear...
..but............... I've been here before. these fears - they jumble together in a cloud of fog, but they are not the bedrock of my soul any more. Even as they come into my head, I look at them from a deeper perspective in myself now and can see that they are just something I am creating.
I've used my fears as an excuse for too long. I don't need to get more engaged with them, attend to them, make them bigger and more well fed. I need to step behind the curtain and start identifying with the woman in me who is NOT afraid, who DOES believe in herself to have the courage to say - yes I AM this person, I DO claim my own soul-life, I have personal power and can affect the world and other people. I am and I will.
"You must face your greatest fears
and get rid of the part of your life that no longer is needed.
This transition is very frightening for many:
"better the devil you know..."
But you will not grow spiritually until the old parts are gone."
yes - and I think the part that is no longer needed are some of these old redunant fears themselves....... ut.....my fears and fear is not something to be fought and struggled with -- and I think this could be the key difference in how to approach it this year. my fears are not demons to be dragged out and kicked into the cold. they are more like crying children who have been born of some old hurt. I think maybe rather than approach them in anger, if I can look at them with love, bring that into the dark places and warm them, rather than try to package them up and jettison them? My fears are part of what makes me human and alive, can I love them as much as my joys?
a big theme this year has been - can I love real gritty humanity rather than perfect ideals?
hmm...!
Bat is about again. Last night I went through all my medicine cards with the pendulum, searching for animal guidance, to see if any could come forward to help me find my way. I ended up starting from one end, working through, with each one saying "no". Moving on the next "no". And so on. As I got towards the end I started panicking - what if there is no one. what if this is just a stupid pile of cards. what if there is no help for me. what if I have gone the wrong way and I am abandoned.
towards the end, one card I found. I was so tired and drained at this point for some reason. I decided to honour whatever had come my way - turned over the card to reveal Bat. ah yes my old friend... I had to smile. I was being a bit batty this sort of time last year. Kind of interesting to look back at that. And bat has flitted about and caught my attention a few times lately.
ye gods ALL my fears are coming up - fear of inadequecy. fear of madness. fear of weakness. fear of oblivion. fear of nothingness. fear that I will be crushed. fear of people pointing and laughing. fear of letting people down. fear of messing people up. fear fear fear...
..but............... I've been here before. these fears - they jumble together in a cloud of fog, but they are not the bedrock of my soul any more. Even as they come into my head, I look at them from a deeper perspective in myself now and can see that they are just something I am creating.
I've used my fears as an excuse for too long. I don't need to get more engaged with them, attend to them, make them bigger and more well fed. I need to step behind the curtain and start identifying with the woman in me who is NOT afraid, who DOES believe in herself to have the courage to say - yes I AM this person, I DO claim my own soul-life, I have personal power and can affect the world and other people. I am and I will.
"You must face your greatest fears
and get rid of the part of your life that no longer is needed.
This transition is very frightening for many:
"better the devil you know..."
But you will not grow spiritually until the old parts are gone."
yes - and I think the part that is no longer needed are some of these old redunant fears themselves....... ut.....my fears and fear is not something to be fought and struggled with -- and I think this could be the key difference in how to approach it this year. my fears are not demons to be dragged out and kicked into the cold. they are more like crying children who have been born of some old hurt. I think maybe rather than approach them in anger, if I can look at them with love, bring that into the dark places and warm them, rather than try to package them up and jettison them? My fears are part of what makes me human and alive, can I love them as much as my joys?
a big theme this year has been - can I love real gritty humanity rather than perfect ideals?
hmm...!