moving again
Its been 2 years since i've landed in Fort Bragg. Not my doing at all, but i have to be grateful for the isolation that came with it. Its let me explore areas of studying that i thought i wanted. Video editing, psychology, criminology, and back to psychology. Ultimately,as the pattern you saw, psychology was chosen.
My video editing skills were up to my expectation and well as a others liking. However that would require me to sit a lot of hours filtering through video that i really didn't find all that fascinating. Along with this i researched how the job growth of this occupation and how it would provide in the future as a stable and yet lucrative job opportunity.
It delivered to be fruitless. It was, and maybe still is under average growth. Even though i solely wanted to edit and make a difference in what i consider my art work, i came to the conclusion that many that had been in position of a job weren't happy and couldn't make a stable 9-5, since lots of them worked for themselves or branched out to whomever would employ them. Meaning i could make 50,000 or more in a year, and make less then 20,000 the next. Not only that, i still had that nagging voice in the back of my head along with the subconscious extracurricular of looking through psychological documentaries, watching sitcoms like "lie to me" and researching information on how the conspiracies used the practices of psychology to dominate the minds of millions.
Little by little as i do again and again, people thought and still am weird, crazy, think too much, and overall not man, we'll get to that one later.
Months carried on, service after service in the motor pool, summer to winter and back to spring and again to winter, and finally now i am here...waiting for my ETS day to arrive...March 9th.
I've been dreaming of this day for a very very long time. I would stare out my barracks room window and watch the sunset glow on the building across from me, even though i had no view, it just reminded me of how the California sun used to set in its glow around the late afternoon.
The desert, the mountains, the far ice cap of snow on big bear mountain. I remembered everything, and since i left in 2008, i have yet to forget its beauty. Even though the heat is a killer in summer, i still loved walking on the concrete barefoot and feeling the warmth from the sun at night as it warmed it up during the day, and left it comfortable awesome to walk on.
Though many of my memories do come from my family being there, i cannot help but still marvel at the desert beauty. Im 26 yrs old and more than half of my early life had been in florida, however i never called it home. Even when living there, i still yearned for those mountains. Id visit my father and would always climb up to the summit of the cross behind his apartment.
All in all, California is where i do want to be. But as time progresses upon my leave i've become more anxious and more aware of my anxiety to return and leave once again a good friend. Laurens been an exceptional friend to me and i don't want to leave, she's another embodiment of home to me...even though i try not to show it.
I know one day i will have to forget her just as i do everyone else. I guess this is what it means to grow up?
I don't know. But this change does hurt and its a weight off my shoulders as well. I tend to believe that this decision is what should be done by me, and in all honesty i don't feel regret towards it. Though i do have to admit that i feel lonely in this journey again. However in my decision in moving to California were of 2, i love the place and for schooling.
I can go anywhere, out of country, north, south, east or west. My possibilities of where i could go were endless. But in this time frame of my life i need stability....and yes even a stable relationship.
For the longest time i choose not to involve myself with someone in that nature.....not even joanne let me do this.
I want to call someone my girlfriend, my partner, my companion and i want her to accept me as her own as well. Not only that, but i believe that once i become situated in San Diego i'll be able to move with this idea.
For so long i've wrestled against settling down in the military, given that i don't want this to be my career. Many that have gotten married or move up in the ranks, i feel that they made it a choice to be safe and give "why the hell not" outlook.
Although i understand some circumstances as my brothers case,i believe that God wants me to pursue something different, and in my heart i trust that this voice and movement in me to help others will bring me joy and some level of stability of peace. Many say you gotta make the best of every situation, i agree, but its time for me to pick a different situation to live in.
I don't want to keep servicing generators, i don't want to keep smelling the defeat of every day redundant work. Yes generators are a necessity to society, but also finding peace in the world without wars and injustice to the society. Social norms i believe this days are extremely backwards, like the whole country is going through some kind of rebellious teenage phase.
I want to help this pass or at least help the few of those lost within this confusion push through and speak my message.
I just hope everything i am doing is leading me to something.
A few mores days the metaphoric phrase of riding into the sunset will actually happen, but i know it will be a lonely and exciting ride towards my new life.
My video editing skills were up to my expectation and well as a others liking. However that would require me to sit a lot of hours filtering through video that i really didn't find all that fascinating. Along with this i researched how the job growth of this occupation and how it would provide in the future as a stable and yet lucrative job opportunity.
It delivered to be fruitless. It was, and maybe still is under average growth. Even though i solely wanted to edit and make a difference in what i consider my art work, i came to the conclusion that many that had been in position of a job weren't happy and couldn't make a stable 9-5, since lots of them worked for themselves or branched out to whomever would employ them. Meaning i could make 50,000 or more in a year, and make less then 20,000 the next. Not only that, i still had that nagging voice in the back of my head along with the subconscious extracurricular of looking through psychological documentaries, watching sitcoms like "lie to me" and researching information on how the conspiracies used the practices of psychology to dominate the minds of millions.
Little by little as i do again and again, people thought and still am weird, crazy, think too much, and overall not man, we'll get to that one later.
Months carried on, service after service in the motor pool, summer to winter and back to spring and again to winter, and finally now i am here...waiting for my ETS day to arrive...March 9th.
I've been dreaming of this day for a very very long time. I would stare out my barracks room window and watch the sunset glow on the building across from me, even though i had no view, it just reminded me of how the California sun used to set in its glow around the late afternoon.
The desert, the mountains, the far ice cap of snow on big bear mountain. I remembered everything, and since i left in 2008, i have yet to forget its beauty. Even though the heat is a killer in summer, i still loved walking on the concrete barefoot and feeling the warmth from the sun at night as it warmed it up during the day, and left it comfortable awesome to walk on.
Though many of my memories do come from my family being there, i cannot help but still marvel at the desert beauty. Im 26 yrs old and more than half of my early life had been in florida, however i never called it home. Even when living there, i still yearned for those mountains. Id visit my father and would always climb up to the summit of the cross behind his apartment.
All in all, California is where i do want to be. But as time progresses upon my leave i've become more anxious and more aware of my anxiety to return and leave once again a good friend. Laurens been an exceptional friend to me and i don't want to leave, she's another embodiment of home to me...even though i try not to show it.
I know one day i will have to forget her just as i do everyone else. I guess this is what it means to grow up?
I don't know. But this change does hurt and its a weight off my shoulders as well. I tend to believe that this decision is what should be done by me, and in all honesty i don't feel regret towards it. Though i do have to admit that i feel lonely in this journey again. However in my decision in moving to California were of 2, i love the place and for schooling.
I can go anywhere, out of country, north, south, east or west. My possibilities of where i could go were endless. But in this time frame of my life i need stability....and yes even a stable relationship.
For the longest time i choose not to involve myself with someone in that nature.....not even joanne let me do this.
I want to call someone my girlfriend, my partner, my companion and i want her to accept me as her own as well. Not only that, but i believe that once i become situated in San Diego i'll be able to move with this idea.
For so long i've wrestled against settling down in the military, given that i don't want this to be my career. Many that have gotten married or move up in the ranks, i feel that they made it a choice to be safe and give "why the hell not" outlook.
Although i understand some circumstances as my brothers case,i believe that God wants me to pursue something different, and in my heart i trust that this voice and movement in me to help others will bring me joy and some level of stability of peace. Many say you gotta make the best of every situation, i agree, but its time for me to pick a different situation to live in.
I don't want to keep servicing generators, i don't want to keep smelling the defeat of every day redundant work. Yes generators are a necessity to society, but also finding peace in the world without wars and injustice to the society. Social norms i believe this days are extremely backwards, like the whole country is going through some kind of rebellious teenage phase.
I want to help this pass or at least help the few of those lost within this confusion push through and speak my message.
I just hope everything i am doing is leading me to something.
A few mores days the metaphoric phrase of riding into the sunset will actually happen, but i know it will be a lonely and exciting ride towards my new life.