Oh, hi Richard
I finally caved and went to see Where the Wild Things Are with Tori. I wanted to go with the fella, but...
I've been trying to work up the nerve to invite him to go with me all week. But then, when I was looking at movie times for today I saw that Toy Stories 1 and 2 were showing in one of the theatres. He loves those movies, as he has told me several times, so I thought "Hey! I'll invite him to something I already know he'll like, eh?" So I psyched myself up and texted him. About 40 minutes later I get "Sorry, I don't have the time". Well, at least he texted back, right? So I respond with something like "I figured, but I know how much you love those movies. So will you be there tonight or no deal?" and get "At the dance? No." Why did I even ask? I didn't realize how much I look forward to the possibility of seeing him every week. I mean, I rarely do see him, but now, knowing for sure he's not going to be there, I'm pathetically sad. I hate how fixated I am on him! I mean really. I hate it! There's no reason for it. I periodically make up reasons our of my desperation, but really, objectively, there's nothing there. More likely I'm just one of those super annoying girls that just has to be put up with. Gah! Why can't I just let this go?? I seriously need a new object of my desire.
Then again, it was overall a frustrating day because I was searching desperately for someone male to go with Tori and I to the movie. I don't know why I decided we needed a guy, but I did. So then I started combing through my acquaintance to find anyone who would go with us. NO ONE! Not Joe, not my brother, not Sergey, not Anekin. Jack had swine flu. Benito was too poor. Obviously not the fella. If only Bert was still here! He would have gone, I know it! Alas for one's friends growing old and moving back to their homes after school. But to keep searching for someone and find absolutely no one who will hang out with you is trying to your self-esteem. And like I said, after that short little conversation with the fella I was already morose. Ridiculously so, but I never said I was a rational person.
But the movie! ****SPOILERS*******
Perhaps it wasn't the best movie for me to see today because it left me feeling still melancholy, instead of cheered as I'd hoped it would. I found the beginning to be deeply poignant. Watching him building his little fort, and then cry when those thoughtless boys destroyed it. Then when he runs into his sister's room and smashes the little gift he'd made for her. And his interactions with his mom. Part of it was how very real it all was. Not overtly real, in the sense that you look at it and you're like "ah, see, the director understands children." but real in the sense that you are simply in a child's world, which was your world once, and you are there and everything is completely familiar because it is the world you lived in for so long. I can't explain it. But it was, as I said, incredibly poignant.
Once he arrives on the island, however, it is a little different. I think what I loved most was the way the movie presented fantastic things to you in the matter-of-fact manner that a child experiences life. There is no explanation of anything at all. You are simply expected to accept it because that is the world. This extends to include the emotions of the film, the behavior of the characters, and the significant events. The other scene that really moved me was at the end, when Carol is so upset and angry and sad and he has no idea how to deal with it and he sees the little heart Max made him. All that pent up frustration resonated with me so much! You absolutely feel wild but there is no way to express it or get it out of you or do something with it. It's just there! It was beautiful in such a melancholy kind of way. And then, as he runs after Max, and gets there just too late. I cried.
But even more than all of that, it awoke that child-yearning that is constantly in my soul these days. I pine to be a mother. It is the only outlet I can think of for all the love I want to give to someone. Even with your spouse it's not the same thing. But when you have a child, here is this small person who depends on you for their entire existence. You are the sun in their universe--the gravity of their world. And you cannot love them too much. There is no such thing. Looking at this child's world in the movie, I felt again how I don't want my child to feel alone in his world. I want to be a part of it. I want to experience my child's life with him.
Anyway, I think it was a good movie. I can see why people would think it slow or boring. I'm not even sure if I didn't find it a bit boring in parts. I simply couldn't decide what I thought of it, really. Except that, as I said, it has left me feeling a bit melancholy. Of course, I do love melancholy movies. I feel about melancholy movies the way most people feel about scary movies. Why would you want to feel that way? And yet a relish in them. It's odd. But I think I'm done talking about this. I want to go to the dance and get lost in the Lindy Hop and forget my melancholy day. Even if...no, especially because...the fella isn't going to be there. I will dance with Benito and Lil Brudder, Really Tall Guy and Little Japanese Guy, and maybe Thor and Spitz as well. And then we'll all go to the malt shop (and Tori will come as well hopefully!) and talk and keep dancing and I will feel loved and happy and tomorrow will be a good day.
I've been trying to work up the nerve to invite him to go with me all week. But then, when I was looking at movie times for today I saw that Toy Stories 1 and 2 were showing in one of the theatres. He loves those movies, as he has told me several times, so I thought "Hey! I'll invite him to something I already know he'll like, eh?" So I psyched myself up and texted him. About 40 minutes later I get "Sorry, I don't have the time". Well, at least he texted back, right? So I respond with something like "I figured, but I know how much you love those movies. So will you be there tonight or no deal?" and get "At the dance? No." Why did I even ask? I didn't realize how much I look forward to the possibility of seeing him every week. I mean, I rarely do see him, but now, knowing for sure he's not going to be there, I'm pathetically sad. I hate how fixated I am on him! I mean really. I hate it! There's no reason for it. I periodically make up reasons our of my desperation, but really, objectively, there's nothing there. More likely I'm just one of those super annoying girls that just has to be put up with. Gah! Why can't I just let this go?? I seriously need a new object of my desire.
Then again, it was overall a frustrating day because I was searching desperately for someone male to go with Tori and I to the movie. I don't know why I decided we needed a guy, but I did. So then I started combing through my acquaintance to find anyone who would go with us. NO ONE! Not Joe, not my brother, not Sergey, not Anekin. Jack had swine flu. Benito was too poor. Obviously not the fella. If only Bert was still here! He would have gone, I know it! Alas for one's friends growing old and moving back to their homes after school. But to keep searching for someone and find absolutely no one who will hang out with you is trying to your self-esteem. And like I said, after that short little conversation with the fella I was already morose. Ridiculously so, but I never said I was a rational person.
But the movie! ****SPOILERS*******
Perhaps it wasn't the best movie for me to see today because it left me feeling still melancholy, instead of cheered as I'd hoped it would. I found the beginning to be deeply poignant. Watching him building his little fort, and then cry when those thoughtless boys destroyed it. Then when he runs into his sister's room and smashes the little gift he'd made for her. And his interactions with his mom. Part of it was how very real it all was. Not overtly real, in the sense that you look at it and you're like "ah, see, the director understands children." but real in the sense that you are simply in a child's world, which was your world once, and you are there and everything is completely familiar because it is the world you lived in for so long. I can't explain it. But it was, as I said, incredibly poignant.
Once he arrives on the island, however, it is a little different. I think what I loved most was the way the movie presented fantastic things to you in the matter-of-fact manner that a child experiences life. There is no explanation of anything at all. You are simply expected to accept it because that is the world. This extends to include the emotions of the film, the behavior of the characters, and the significant events. The other scene that really moved me was at the end, when Carol is so upset and angry and sad and he has no idea how to deal with it and he sees the little heart Max made him. All that pent up frustration resonated with me so much! You absolutely feel wild but there is no way to express it or get it out of you or do something with it. It's just there! It was beautiful in such a melancholy kind of way. And then, as he runs after Max, and gets there just too late. I cried.
But even more than all of that, it awoke that child-yearning that is constantly in my soul these days. I pine to be a mother. It is the only outlet I can think of for all the love I want to give to someone. Even with your spouse it's not the same thing. But when you have a child, here is this small person who depends on you for their entire existence. You are the sun in their universe--the gravity of their world. And you cannot love them too much. There is no such thing. Looking at this child's world in the movie, I felt again how I don't want my child to feel alone in his world. I want to be a part of it. I want to experience my child's life with him.
Anyway, I think it was a good movie. I can see why people would think it slow or boring. I'm not even sure if I didn't find it a bit boring in parts. I simply couldn't decide what I thought of it, really. Except that, as I said, it has left me feeling a bit melancholy. Of course, I do love melancholy movies. I feel about melancholy movies the way most people feel about scary movies. Why would you want to feel that way? And yet a relish in them. It's odd. But I think I'm done talking about this. I want to go to the dance and get lost in the Lindy Hop and forget my melancholy day. Even if...no, especially because...the fella isn't going to be there. I will dance with Benito and Lil Brudder, Really Tall Guy and Little Japanese Guy, and maybe Thor and Spitz as well. And then we'll all go to the malt shop (and Tori will come as well hopefully!) and talk and keep dancing and I will feel loved and happy and tomorrow will be a good day.