My humor is heavy handed
Title: The Consequences of Drunken Bookstore Sex After Dark
Pairing: Akame
Rating: R
Notes: Originally written for je_holiday here for
teshiii who wanted fluff, jealousy and Akame. Well, 1.5 out of 3 isn't that bad...
Summary: Kame and Jin get drunk, break into a bookstore, and have sex, all of which take place before the actual events of this story.
~
The morning after, Kame woke up to a hangover, soreness in places that he'd never previously been aware of, and an incorrectly buttoned shirt. The shirt would have given it away even if he hadn't also woken with a very vivid recollection of the night before; he never buttoned his shirts wrongly.
Jin stared at him oddly during rehearsals, but Kame ignored him and pretended like nothing had happened because Jin had kind of said no and Kame had kind of put his mouth on Jin's cock and no normal man could have refused after that. It was better if Jin believed Kame didn't remember anything; heart to hearts that involved, "So, I kind of threw myself at you in a darkened bookstore and I'm not entirely certain it was entirely consensual on your part", were not how Kame wanted to start his day.
But in the privacy of his bathroom, with the lip of the sink digging into his back and his hand running along the length of his cock, Kame let himself remember Jin's hands on his hips, Jin's lips and tongue and the noises he made when Kame pushed back on him just right, the slip of magazines beneath Kame's knees, the red blinking light of a camera right beyond Jin's shoulder, and -
"Fuck," Kame said when he recovered.
They were so screwed.
~
"I need to talk to you," Kame told Jin later that day, trying to ignore the puzzled look Ueda was giving him because Kame never needed to talk with one of them anymore.
Jin couldn't decide between confused and scared and settled on constipated instead.
"Um," he said, wondering if a bolt of lightening or something had made Kame remember and this was the part where Kame slapped him in front of everybody and ran away crying.
He was trying to formulate a brilliant plan that involved yelling, "Ueda, don't let him hurt me. It wasn't my fault. Kame was sparkly and half naked and hot", when Kame sighed and dragged him away. Jin didn't know where he hid his strength because it wasn't like Kame was buff or had that much meat on him.
Kame pushed him into a closet and, after glancing right and left and then right again, closed the door behind them.
"We have a problem."
Jin grabbed a mop and held it out in front of him like a shield, splattering both of them with foamy water. Kame had been smart, locking them in a supply closet where Jin couldn't possibly defend himself with measly cleaning supplies.
Kame knocked the mop aside. Jin couldn't help squeaking a tiny bit as his last line of defense fell away.
"Are you listening to me? We have a problem."
"I couldn't help it," Jin blurted out. "You have really narrow, flexible hips. Please don't tell the police. Or Johnny. I have fourteen hungry mouths to feed back home."
Kame paused. "No you don't."
"I eat enough for fourteen people," Jin insisted. "And before you start thinking that it would do Japan and those starving children in Africa a service by having me locked away, let me remind you that eating so much means I need to buy a lot of food. Therefore I'm stimulating Japan's economy. And this is the face that sells a million of whatever that's put next to it. Japan needs me. Japan gives to those poor starving children in Africa. Africa needs me. The children need --"
"A security camera!" Kame interrupted.
Jin paused and blinked worriedly at him. Kame grabbed onto his shirt, which was an amazing feat since Jin's shirt had plastered itself onto Jin's chest. Jin squirmed.
"Listen to me closely, Akanishi. There was a security camera in that bookstore. We are royally fucked."
"Actually you were fu --"
Jin looked at Kame in horror. Kame nodded very calmly for a man who had locked himself in a closet with his vowed archnemesis -- not that Kame had said anything of the sort beyond a slow "Leave me alone" when Jin had screeched "You are not allowed to sleep with my best friend, or talk to him, or be rumored to be sleeping with or talking to him. This makes us archnemeses, you hear me? Archnemeses!", which was of course before they had done the sleeping thing together.
"Oh no."
Jin shook Kame's hands away and grabbed onto Kame's shirt, which was made easier by the actual presence of a shirt collar. "I'm not ready to become a porn star. The fans already send me pink briefs and write, 'sleep with me', on giant posters."
Kame frowned at him. "The fans do that to Nakamaru too."
"The fans are crazy," Jin said reverently.
Kame reestablished his hold on Jin's shirt and pulled him closer. From that distance, Jin could see the individual strands of Kame's eyelashes.
"Akanishi, concentrate here. It will be fine. We just have to get the tape."
Jin shivered. "Is that your thigh between my legs?"
Kame looked down, the top of his head brushing against Jin's lips, and Jin shivered again.
"Um, yes?"
"Oh, good," Jin breathed out before grabbing Kame's head and bringing their mouths together.
~
Ueda approached Jin after they had returned from the closet -- at separate times because Kame was cautious and slightly paranoid like that -- in various states of disarray that could be easily explained by "I was practicing my dance moves and you know what those moves involve" or "Kame and I had a slight disagreement which turned into a skirmish because we Do Not Get Along anymore".
Falling out had never been more convenient.
"What was that about?"
"Um," Jin said, trying to think quickly. His pants were still a little wet from when Kame had accidentally knocked over a bottle of cleaner when Jin had licked his nipples and it was distracting. "Cleaning."
Ueda stared. "Cleaning."
Shit. Jin had never pretended to be capable of thinking fast. "Yes. Kame needed advise on how to get this nasty stain out of his carpet."
"And what did you say?"
"To…ask you." Jin smiled, then ran away when Junno stuck his head in the room, distracting Ueda with his shiny jacket and general happiness.
~
"So how are we going to get the tape?" Jin whispered to Kame.
"I have a plan," Kame whispered back.
"That's good because I don't have one."
Jin's breath made the wisps of Kame's hair over his ear flutter and Kame squirmed in his seat. Jin tried to think of something else to say just to see him do it again.
He watched Matsumoto Jun prance across the stage. "Does it involve helicopters?"
"No." Kame clapped appreciatively at whatever had just been said. Jin copied him. "Wild herds of elephants?"
"No."
"Hmm."
Kame practically fell off the bench when Jin leaned in closer.
"You dirty dancing in a miniskirt?"
"Akanishi!" Kame yelped loudly, which caused Koki to fall over and the attention of the entire studio to turn to them. Jin smiled innocently as Kame flushed and made himself as small as possible.
~
"You want dirty?" Kame asked during break, forcefully turning Jin's chair around and straddling him. "I'll give you dirty."
Jin grinned giddily and sat back, glad that the rest of their group had opted for lunch instead. They didn't know what they were missing -- wait, he didn't want them to know what they were missing. Kame was his. Jin's hands flew to Kame's waist, which were promptly batted away.
"No touching," Kame hissed.
He started grinding, rolling his hips provocatively, and that rule became a lot harder to follow when Kame unbuttoned his shirt, ran a hand down his chest, rolled his head back, and moaned.
Kame flipped his shirt down, unveiling one pale, smooth shoulder. Jin badly wanted to bite it.
"You want me to take this off?"
"Yes please." Jin said, watching happily as the shirt disappear into the far corner of the dressing room.
"And these?"
Kame toyed with the fly of his jeans, the top barely undone. He was at a perfect level for Jin to bury his head into Kame's midriff and tongue that slender bellybutton.
Jin's fingers twitched. "Yes."
When he was naked, Kame lowered himself down until Jin could practically feel Kame's heat emanating from his body and looked up at Jin through lowered lashes. His hands, hot against Jin's inner thighs, spread Jin's legs wider.
He paused at the bulge straining Jin's pants. "I should make you take care of this yourself."
"You wouldn't," Jin said in horror. "It's entirely your fault I'm hard. Your fault entirely."
He might have said something else but it was kind of hard to tell because, right at that moment, Kame unzipped his pants and Jin's cock sprang out, hitting Kame on the cheek.
It left a trail of liquid from cheekbone to jaw, dangeously close to the sweep of Kame's lashes.
Jin whimpered. Kame held him loosely in one hand and refused to move. Jin was not suicidal enough to try forcing his head down and settled for digging grooves into the arms of his chair.
"Suck me," Jin pleaded. "You have to. I'll waste away and you'll be to blame. It's your fault."
"Akanishi," Kame warned. His fingers slipped dangerously away from Jin's erection.
"My fault! It's my fault!" Jin yelped, then sat back and groaned appreciatively when Kame took him into his mouth.
~
"So what's the plan?" Jin asked later, lazily combing through strands of Kame's ever-increasing hair, basking in the lazy afterglow of his orgasm and Kame's after Jin had returned the favor. Kame was a solid boneless weight on top of him.
"We get the tape."
Jin rolled his eyes. "How do we get the tape?"
"We break into the bookstore and steal it," Kame said, patting Jin on the back when Jin choked in disbelief. "We managed to get in while completely drunk. It should be a piece of cake while sober."
"Can't we just ask them for it?"
"And say what? 'Excuse me, but we happened to have wild, uninhibited sex while being inexplicably locked in your store the other evening and would like the tape back that could be your ticket out of the miserly life of bookstore purveyor and into fame and fortune.'"
Jin blinked. He hated it when Kame used big words. Kame was a high school dropout; it was high time he acted like one.
"I'm guessing that's a bad thing."
"Unless you've changed your mind about becoming a porn star."
"No," Jin assured him. "Breaking in it is then."
~
Kame came in while Jin was rehearsing his solo with Koki. Jin caught sight of Kame and rolled his hips particularly aggressively.
Koki clutched his head in pain. "What are you doing? You just hit me with your fat hip."
"Maybe you shouldn't be kneeling so close in front of him," Kame suggested.
"Maybe you should mind your own business," Koki shot back.
"Yeah," Jin offered lamely into the following silence because it seemed like something he would have done before he discovered the various ways Kame was flexible and Kame had been adamant about nobody finding out about anything (said in exactly that tone of voice).
He felt that he needed to add something. "Maybe you're just jealous Shuji to Akira didn't think of doing this."
From the way Kame was glaring at him, Jin thought he might have gone too far. "Not that Shuji to Akira didn't have any nice hip movements, only less sexy. But what can you expect when half the members is from News? News is like rainbows and puppies and running in a field of daisies and a world where storks bring babies."
"Dude, what are you babbling?" Koki asked him. He was staring at Jin as if he'd never seen anything like him before and Jin thought it was a good time to shut up.
"Akanishi, a moment please," Kame said, dragging Jin into the side room before Jin had time to react. He plastered himself against Jin the moment the door was closed, pressing an open mouthed kiss onto Jin's lips.
Jin returned his smile. "You're in a good mood."
"I haven't slept for three days now," Kame said cheerfully. He held up a long tube and tapped it playfully against Jin's head. It hurt just a bit. "But I made serious inroads on our quest to regain the tape. Look."
Jin stared at the paper Kame revealed with a flourish. "You got blueprints?"
"To the bookstore, yes," Kame studied the diagrams with an expression normally used only on scripts and performances and, just lately, Jin when he was in the right mood. "You can't possibly expect me to go in there without a detailed plan. We'll need to figure out the number of exits the store has as well as at least three different contingency plans just in case something goes wrong. We will be a well oiled machine by the time we set foot in that store again."
"I love you," Jin said without thinking. He clapped a hand over his mouth.
Kame stared at him in shock. "What did you just say?"
"Um, blueprints make me horny?" Jin ventured.
He grabbed Kame when it looked like Kame was going to protest, squashing the blueprints between their bodies, and did his best to convince both of them of the validity of that statement.
~
Jin went about his day normally, which in no way meant that he wasn't highly disturbed by his revelation. Because he was. Highly Disturbed. His unease was made worse because Kame had done something to his pants again and it was very itchy but it wasn't like he could scratch with so many people running around with potential cameras. Cameras were evil two-faced things.
Jin wondered if he had time to duck into a closet and take off his pants. It would have been an easier decision if he could have Kame in the closet with him, preferably also pantless, but Kame had left for a photo shoot. And the point was that Kame tended to ruin Jin's pants.
"Ah, there you are."
Jin jumped guiltily and looked for the nearest window to throw himself out of, which turned out to be too far away when Yamapi slung an arm around his shoulder and dragged him away from it. "Now don't be like that. I haven't talked to you in days."
"I was busy," Jin said, trying to radiate 'I'm not doing the nasty with Kame in various, unnatural parts of the JE building'. "I have idol-related things to do."
"Yeah," Yamapi said. "So you're getting along better with Kame."
Jin looked around suspiciously. "Who told you that?"
"This brilliant thing called my mind," Yamapi beamed at him. "You stopped calling, I hear that you were actually talking to our dear Shuji-kun, and my mind goes, 'Yamapi, they must have kissed and made up'."
"I completely deny the kissing," Jin hissed. Then added as an afterthought, "and the making up."
"So Kame didn't drag you into an empty room where you two remained locked in, alone, for a good hour?"
"No," Jin said. Yamapi looked at him. "Fine, yes. But only because I realized that Shuji to Akira is a two-person group that involves Shuji and Akira. And that it's been horribly unfair of me to only blame the Shuji part when Akira makes up half the group. So this is me trying to even things out. Don't think you can get away with it just because you're my best friend. I blamed Kame and he's my sukibito. My sukibito, you hear?"
Yamapi wrapped his arms around Jin and squeezed. It took Jin a moment of flailing before he realized that Yamapi was hugging, and not trying to murder, him.
"I'm so happy. You guys made up."
"We did not make up!" Jin sputtered.
~
"What did you do?" Kame asked Jin the next time they met. "Ueda spent an hour telling me about different cleaners, a whole hour, and -- don't laugh, Akanishi -- Yamapi's been giving me odd winks."
Jin stopped laughing. "I'll kill him dead."
"No!" Kame grabbed Jin's arm and dragged him back behind the oversized, orange dumpster. It smelled vaguely of fetid meat and limejuice, which, combined with the oils of the parking lot, made Jin feel just slightly giddy. But then it could have been because of the whole about to commit a crime thing. "He's your best friend."
Jin plopped down and threw an empty soda can at Kame. "Why does everybody say that like it gives him a free pass? You're my sukibito and I still wanted to kill you."
"Yes, that would explain the archnemeses remark you made on national TV."
Jin pouted. "It was edited out."
"How unfortunate," Kame said dryly. "Well, can you refrain from engaging in epic, life-altering battle against Yamapi until we finish this?" Jin looked at him suspiciously.
"What is this 'this' you speak of?"
"'This' being the only reason I've had to suffer your company for extended periods of time. 'This' being why we are huddled behind a dumpster dressed in black turtlenecks and black jeans that aren't even designer label while the security guard stares at us."
Kame did a double take and flattened himself against the orange metal, which was hardly impressive and if he thought that was going to distract Jin --
Jin batted the security guard's hand from his shoulder.
"You liked my company well enough when I did that trick with my tongue."
"Akanishi," Kame said tensely. He tended to be tense a lot, which was something Jin had to work on. "Not now."
"That's not what you said back then. Back then, it was "yes, more" and "now, now, now" and --"
"Akanishi!" Kame yelped. He flapped his arms in the general direction of the security guard, who was standing over both of them and frowning.
Jin crossed his arms and pouted. "So you've just been using me for sex. And even after I professed my undying love to you."
"You never -- you changed it to blueprints make you horny!"
"It's the thought that counts."
"Alright," the security guard interrupted. His head vaguely resembled that of a tomato's, with the redness and the baldness and the roundness. Jin looked at him blankly. "What are you two doing?"
"I believe this is called a lover's tiff." Jin thought about it more and nodded his head. "Yes, definitely a lover's tiff."
"We're not so much lovers," Kame assured the man, "as friends turned coworkers turned occasional-grope-in-the-closet-buddies."
"He's afraid of commitment," Jin told the guard.
"Are you two thinking of robbing the store?"
Jin stared at the man in disbelief. "That's beside the point. Did you hear anything he said? He's been using me for sex."
"I never said that!" Kame protested, whacking Jin on the head with the tube of blueprints. Jin wasn't quite sure why he'd brought it with them to begin with, something about Kame and his incessant attention to detail. It would have been annoying if it wasn't so hot.
"Stop putting words into my mouth."
"That's not the only thing I'm going to put in there if you don't stop hitting me," Jin warned. "This is physical abuse. I don't know why I put up with you."
Kame kind of growled at him. The next thing Jin knew, he had launched himself at Kame and they were grappling against the dumpster. Before Jin had time to think "ew, trash", Kame's tongue was in his mouth and his hand was up Kame's shirt and the security guard was yelling, "Stop right now!" somewhere in the background.
~
When Kame entered their dressing room the next day, Jin pointedly turned away. Nakamaru looked back and forth between the two of them. "I thought you two were getting along better."
"I have no idea what made you think that," Jin said to the wall. "I have nothing to do with that person whatsoever."
"You mean, besides working with me," Kame said. He sounded a little sheepish, like when he'd told the group about his CD debut with Yamapi, like it embarrassed him, and Jin knew that if he turned around, he'd see Kame with an utterly stupid and hesitant smile on his face. It had worked better with thick bushy eyebrows to complement the look.
"Nothing to do with him," Jin repeated.
"Well, you can have nothing to do with him while being in the same shot," Koki said, placing the day's photo shoot schedule between Jin's eyes and the wall. "You two are paired together again. It's a good thing you have matching sets of bruises. Our manager's going to love that."
"It can be a theme: Idols Roughed Up." Nakamaru chimed in.
"That's the stupidest idea ever," Jin declared. "Nobody will go for it."
~
"The theme of this photo shoot will be 'Idols Roughed Up'," the photographer (world-renowned and highly expensive) said as soon as he saw them.
Koki scowled from behind his fake bruised lip. Makeup had, upon realizing that it was impossible to cover all of Kame and Jin's bruises, decided to go the other way and touch the other members up instead. Matching was the key. Matching was what elevated them from a group of six twenty-somethings with no reputable jobs to teenage heartthrobs.
Jin sprawled down next to Kame and tried to glower on cue. It wasn't difficult. What was difficult was glowering at the camera and not at Kame, who had closed his eyes and was resting his head against the bench so that Jin had a very good view of his neck.
The photo shoot might have worked better if the theme had been 'Vampires' or 'Idols with Jugular Fixations'.
"Stop that," Jin finally hissed when Kame shifted so that his body was flush against Jin's. "I'm trying to work."
"I am working," Kame hissed back, pressing the arc of his hip into Jin's thigh. "Try to be a little more professional."
"I am professional," Jin muttered. And, just to prove it, he grabbed Kame around the waist, ignoring his startled yelp, and tried to pull him even closer, which was made harder by Kame's hands at his chest, pushing him away.
Jin rolled them over and tried to grab onto Kame's flailing hands. "God, try being a little more professional."
"You --" Kame choked out before elbowing Jin and scrambling to stand up when Jin fell back, succeeding in only landing on top of Jin, who began kicking because Kame's hands were on his collarbone.
"That's great!" The photographer called out, his camera clicking away. "The rest of you, come look at them. This is what I want you to do when it's time for your pair photos."
Jin panicked and jerked his head up, right into the bench.
~
Jin woke up to the slightly disturbing sight of ten eyeballs peering intently at him and screamed before he realized that the eyeballs were attached to faces that belonged to his group members.
Koki hit him on the head to shut him up.
"Don't do that," Kame complained. "He just hurt his head."
"And you'd know best since you were the one who slammed his head into that bench," Junno said sadly. His smile had dimmed slightly, like somebody had put a lampshade over the bulb behind his lips. "I thought you two were getting along better."
Jin stared at Kame in shock. He'd almost convinced himself that Kame had just been horny and hadn't been trying to kill him and plaster his remains on that ugly orange dumpster because, really, even Jin knew that sticking a tongue down an opponent's throat wasn't the best way to kill somebody. Obviously, Kame subscribed to an entirely different form of deadly stealth ninja tactics.
"You were trying to kill me?"
"What? No," Kame yelped, shaking his head vigorously.
"Wait," Jin said, a thought beginning to form. "Then all this time you've been trying to do me in while I just thought we were having mad, passionate --"
Kame hit him on the head. "You hit your own head on the bench, idiot."
"But Junno --"
"Junno was playing a video game when it happened," Ueda said as if that explained everything.
They all turned to glare at Junno, who smiled at them brightly.
~
Over the din of the others wrestling Junno to the floor, Kame sidled up to Jin and said, "I've never tried to kill you. For one thing, I've grown rather attached to having you around in the group."
"Really?" Jin asked, not looking Kame for reasons beyond that it was always good fun to watch Junno getting beaten up. "You didn't seem that attached when the security guard asked you about our relationship. Which you vehemently denied existed."
Kame paused. "Wait, you know what 'vehement' means?"
"It's my word of the day," Jin said. "It was on my ice-cream bar."
Kame rolled his eyes. "Anyways, Jin, we were about to break into the store. I'm not about to tell the store's guard that I've developed feelings for my partner in crime."
He paused again and eyed Jin warily as if he'd said something particularly important.
Jin ran over Kame's sentence in his head and came to a startling conclusion. "You just called me Jin."
Kame blinked. "Um…yes?"
Jin hugged Kame to his chest. "Lets have hot sex in a storage closet and break into the bookstore tonight," he murmured to the top of Kame's head.
Then, because he'd felt like it all day, Jin kissed the junction between Kame's neck and collarbone. He would have kissed other parts too except Koki yelled, "Dude, Akanishi's attacking Kame!" and the other band members abandoned Junno to leap on Jin, dragging him away from a startled Kame and yelling things like "Bad Akanishi, no biting".
Kame bent down to whisper in Jin's ear on his way out. It was made more difficult with Jin lying on the floor, Nakamaru sitting on his legs and Ueda bending his left arm back at an odd angle.
"It's a date then."
"What was that?" Nakamaru yelped. "Was that some kind of code? Are you guys going to duel each other or something?"
Kame smiled back mysteriously then tripped over Junno's moaning form.
~
Jin should have realized that the fates, or at least somebody up above, had been trying to tell them something important, but he had never been that great at listening to other people especially when it came to instructions. He twirled the telephone cord around his index finger and angled himself away from the stern, emotionless man standing by his side.
The man kind of freaked Jin out.
"What were you thinking?" Ryo asked over the phone. His voice bordered on screeching and Jin winced, rethinking the wisdom in using his one phone call on Ryo, but he knew that Yamapi was practically useless in such situations -- plus, epic battle -- so Jin's list had narrowed down to one.
"Really. What made you think that was even close to a good idea?"
"But Kame --" Jin started.
"Is seriously sleep deprived. You can't trust the judgment of a man operating on an hour of sleep."
"But I --"
"Am an idiot. The entire world knows this. Except for maybe Kame because he's too sleep deprived. It explains why he'd ever consider fucking you."
Jin choked. "How did you --"
"Never question the Sexy Osaka Man."
There was a moment of silence as Jin absorbed that statement.
"You have to get me out," he finally wailed. "I'm too pretty to go to prison. They'll put me in a dress and call me Dorris."
"…Dorris?"
Jin pouted. "I never pretended that criminals have good taste. I think it's all the cafeteria food. It must have poisoned their brains into thinking matching orange jumpers are anywhere near fashionable."
Ryo exhaled. "Why don't we start at the beginning?"
"Ok," Jin said obediently. "Kame was drunk - and hot - but mainly just really drunk and we had sex in the bookstore, which was completely going to be a one time thing except it kind of kept happening again in storage closets and dressing rooms and our manager's desk that one time and alleys and various walls and - did you know that Kame's really flexible?"
"Do you know that I'm very close to hanging up right now?"
"No, wait," Jin yelped, finally remembering the important part. "There's a tape. That shows us. And if it gets out I'm going to become a porn star and people are going to see Kame naked and then I'm going to have to become a mass murderer, which is much worse than being a thief."
"I thought you two are in for public indecency."
Jin paused. "Did you know that Kame's really really flexible?"
~
Ryo came for them after a long two hour wait, which Jin spent by trying to convince Kame that prison sex was the next best thing after fake fur. A guard came with Ryo and Jin couldn't quite determine if he was the same one that had taken a particularly hard kick to the shin when he'd interrupted them the one time Jin had almost gotten Kame to give in. Kame was vicious when he was disrupted.
"Ha!" He said to Kame, pointing at a befuddled Ryo. "My person came before your person so I won the bet. We're having prison sex."
Kame blanched, though not as much as the prison guard who, Jin decided, was the same one who'd interrupted them the first time. "What -- there was no bet. I never bet you anything."
"There was too a bet," Jin insisted. "Remember when I lifted your leg onto my shoulder and you said, "No, you idiot, not now", and I said, "But Ryo's coming any second", and you said, "Well, not if my person comes first", and I said, "Ryo's coming first", and you said --"
Ryo slammed his hand on the bars.
Jin winced, imagining how much that must have hurt. "Are you a maso--"
"Nobody's having any sex," Ryo interrupted. "In prison or anywhere else for that matter. Least of all you two because you'll be lucky to still be alive when I'm done with you."
He seethed under his breath. The guard looked at him warily and looked like he very much wanted to have a set of bars separating him from Ryo.
Kame shrugged at Jin. "You're the one who called him."
"Don't think you're off the hook, small eyes," Ryo said to Kame. "I wouldn't be here if you could just learn to keep it in your pants."
Jin turned to Kame who looked back at him calmly. "Right. If we're going to die anyway I say we get some hot prison sex first."
~
Jin yanked meters of black tape from the video and twirled, wrapping himself in the strands until his legs became tied together and he fell to the ground with a thud.
Kame sighed and set about freeing him. "I don't want to know how Ryo got the tape."
"I called him," Jin reminded, wiggling his body on Kame's wool rug. "My plan worked."
Kame smacked him on the hip to keep still. "It wasn't a plan. You called him to bail you out and ended up telling him everything."
"It was too a plan." The last of the strands fell away and Jin pointed his finger at Kame. "You're just jealous that I've become so smart while you were off absorbing Yamapi's stupidity. I am so totally the leader with you gone. That's been my brilliant plan all along. I'm such an evil genius."
Kame pushed him onto his back. "You're much better as the dumb sex toy."
"And what does that make you?"
"The ruler of the world."
Jin scoffed. "You can't be serious. You can't be the ruler."
Kame pouted. "Why not?"
"You've bottomed every time."
"Haven't you ever heard of topping from the bottom?" Kame raised an eyebrow. "Case in point: I feel like squid tonight. Fresh squid. Squid so fresh it's still moving when I see it."
He looked at Jin expectantly.
Jin crossed his arms across his chest. "There's no way I'm going out at this hour to buy you live squid. Plus, they're not in season. Do you have any idea how expensive that'll be?"
Kame climbed on top of Jin (Jin considered writing a letter to Johnny asking him to forbid Kame from doing that hip wriggle of his for the good of his and all fangirls' hearts) and whispered into Jin's ear, "do you have any idea how very grateful I'll be?"
It wasn't going to work. Jin wasn't going to fall for that. He was firm and the leader and an alpha male who did not --
Kame peeked up at him from beneath lowered lashes. Then he pouted, which was how Jin ended up completely lost in the fish market at four in the morning.