not sure.
I feel lonely. it's strange, I'd planned this whole thing about how my world feels right... I'm excited about going back to school, I have an amazing boyfriend (when we aren't fighting), I'm turning twenty-one in a week, I like my roommate, and ... I love driving... I wanted to write about driving to Richmond in the middle of the night (I've done it twice in the last week)... and how complete I felt.
but at the moment, something feels like it is missing. I'm not unhappy, just horribly lonely. Not for people, but for something... meaningful? I don't feel like talking because I don't feel like I have anything to say (it's kind of like my birthday present... I don't care what I get, because it currently has no meaning). Something feels ontologically wrong with my world, and I can't put my finger on it. I go to sleep freezing, and wake up frozen... under two blankets and a comforter. My skin feels like ice and I feel blurry and dry for hours after. I've got four papers, a website, and necklace... and work before school starts (along with buying all 28 books). But right now I wish he was here to just touch me and reassure me that I'm not a ghost. He's not, and I think I've stopped expecting him to be. I'm not angry... just tired.
I thought I had gotten better, maybe I never will.
but at the moment, something feels like it is missing. I'm not unhappy, just horribly lonely. Not for people, but for something... meaningful? I don't feel like talking because I don't feel like I have anything to say (it's kind of like my birthday present... I don't care what I get, because it currently has no meaning). Something feels ontologically wrong with my world, and I can't put my finger on it. I go to sleep freezing, and wake up frozen... under two blankets and a comforter. My skin feels like ice and I feel blurry and dry for hours after. I've got four papers, a website, and necklace... and work before school starts (along with buying all 28 books). But right now I wish he was here to just touch me and reassure me that I'm not a ghost. He's not, and I think I've stopped expecting him to be. I'm not angry... just tired.
I thought I had gotten better, maybe I never will.