[a day off the island, corn, and two romance novels]
80306
The idea that I am somehow more or less without someone is absurd. I am... in some confusing way... simply me. Angry, exhausted, indefinitely ME! I love paintbrushes the way I love new notebooks with their infinite possibilities. They scream out with an unimaginable creative sentence. Like shoving all of those beautiful words into one sentence, and having it mean something.
Do I love him the way I want to be loved? No. Is it fair of me then to care how he feels about me? No. ... I want without knowing when I'll get it. I am, as always, lost. But something tells me I'm ok with that.
The silence in my head, the colors blurring together. I have learned something... I cannot trust the world, but I can trust my own memory. Not as a force, but as a quiet promise ... I cannot quite lose myself if I know the details of my life.
Why do I always need to be right? And why do I always need to hear "I'm sorry" when other people are wrong. The gift to living is the ability to correct ones path (Quicksilver). What is most important to me right now? My education. Doing something with my life. Even if that means failing in other areas of my life? ... or am I just adding another excuse to something that is already lost. I'm not sure I want to touch that question.
I love the smell (of queen anne's lace). Delicate and unique. Like old ladies and tea parties. Fancy hats and lace umbrellas.
Rose tinted glasses.
They somehow protect me from seeing the world as it really is. Suddenly it has been transformed into endless sunsets.
Pretty, delicate, white, perfumed, sweet, lacy, almost-faded, strong (physically) : Queen Anne's Lace
Shiny, black, cracked, smooth, rough edges, broken, soft and splintery, crushable, somehow a little bit angry: Burned Wood
I'm not sure of anything.
I'm trying to come up with descriptions, and all I've got is thoughts. The cute ranger who kept checking me out yesterday (I was riding my bike in a bikini)... and who wouldn't stop flirting with me when I went to buy my ticket. The flap-flap-flap of the flag. I look up at it. It's been wrapped around the pole so all I can see is 42 stars instead of 50. 42 stars... no more Texas, Mississippi, N. Carolina, S. Carolina (don't ask me why... they just seem -too- southern), N. and S. Dakota, W. Virginia and... do we -really- need New Jersey???
My handwriting changes... it annoys me. I secretly wish for neat girly handwriting.
"got diesel?"
"nope"
"no worries, well, we'll just go into the marina, we have a spot we always take"
*growls* so they could leave on time this morning... but this time we are late!
....AHHHHHH thank you!
The idea that I am somehow more or less without someone is absurd. I am... in some confusing way... simply me. Angry, exhausted, indefinitely ME! I love paintbrushes the way I love new notebooks with their infinite possibilities. They scream out with an unimaginable creative sentence. Like shoving all of those beautiful words into one sentence, and having it mean something.
Do I love him the way I want to be loved? No. Is it fair of me then to care how he feels about me? No. ... I want without knowing when I'll get it. I am, as always, lost. But something tells me I'm ok with that.
The silence in my head, the colors blurring together. I have learned something... I cannot trust the world, but I can trust my own memory. Not as a force, but as a quiet promise ... I cannot quite lose myself if I know the details of my life.
Why do I always need to be right? And why do I always need to hear "I'm sorry" when other people are wrong. The gift to living is the ability to correct ones path (Quicksilver). What is most important to me right now? My education. Doing something with my life. Even if that means failing in other areas of my life? ... or am I just adding another excuse to something that is already lost. I'm not sure I want to touch that question.
I love the smell (of queen anne's lace). Delicate and unique. Like old ladies and tea parties. Fancy hats and lace umbrellas.
Rose tinted glasses.
They somehow protect me from seeing the world as it really is. Suddenly it has been transformed into endless sunsets.
Pretty, delicate, white, perfumed, sweet, lacy, almost-faded, strong (physically) : Queen Anne's Lace
Shiny, black, cracked, smooth, rough edges, broken, soft and splintery, crushable, somehow a little bit angry: Burned Wood
I'm not sure of anything.
I'm trying to come up with descriptions, and all I've got is thoughts. The cute ranger who kept checking me out yesterday (I was riding my bike in a bikini)... and who wouldn't stop flirting with me when I went to buy my ticket. The flap-flap-flap of the flag. I look up at it. It's been wrapped around the pole so all I can see is 42 stars instead of 50. 42 stars... no more Texas, Mississippi, N. Carolina, S. Carolina (don't ask me why... they just seem -too- southern), N. and S. Dakota, W. Virginia and... do we -really- need New Jersey???
My handwriting changes... it annoys me. I secretly wish for neat girly handwriting.
"got diesel?"
"nope"
"no worries, well, we'll just go into the marina, we have a spot we always take"
*growls* so they could leave on time this morning... but this time we are late!
....AHHHHHH thank you!