so at last.
so at last I've got a desk, and real bookshelves... the kind that hold all of my books, art supplies (what's left after two zillion moves and even more clean and throw away scourges.) the room feels a lot smaller, and there's wasted space behind the secretary and desk... but I'm ok with it. suddenly, i have a place to play. that and. I've got a light - a real, honest light, the kind that isn't PINK! - in my room. I spent more than I should have - but it's ok. I like what I have now.
I went to Ikea (drove) all by myself, found, bought, and carried the desk, shelves, light and plant potters, all by myself. Got lost twice, got stuck in traffic (there was a five-ambulance crash ahead of me, got lost in suburbia, carried all the stuff back to the apartment (given I had to take the desk out of the box and carry it bit by bit because it was far too heavy), and put it together (and in my room) ALL BY MYSELF. did i mention how proud I am?
by 12 last night I was in a really bitchy mood, and Chris called. i wasn't the nicest, and I finally told him why I'm still angry about Dark. it felt good - and it seemed trivial after I finally told him. "why do you think I told her to fuck off last fall?". I feel better, a lot better, about it.
my new goal? to only eat healthy food (when I'm by myself - it's hopeless when I'm with Chris). therefore, frozen peaches and yogurt... of course, I'm allowed to eat sweets -IF- I make it. I'm hoping that will prevent me from continually eating sweets (not that I do these days, I just worry).
I went to look for a photo of Chris and I together - and I cant find any of them... I was going to put it up (next to the photo of aso) on my desk... I guess I'll have to take a new one *evil grin* he turns 25 in a couple of weeks.
my next project is to learn dreamweaver and redo this site for my mother. along with writing... really writing... again. and hopefully having time to do ballet again. I want to do artwork - collage to be exact - but the idea of doing art for arts sake seems strange to me. do I hang it up? send it to someone, watch it fade and curl at the edges. perhaps that's what I love about words. They never get old, they don't wear out over time, they are easily transported and put into a new setting. they are simple. without questions.
it's strange. When Chris and I got to know each other, first it was through Dark and KDX. then phone-chris//kdx-chrs. then we started dating and it was a combination of KDX-Chris, and "my" Chrs... now I find it's hard to remember the guy I knew through other people... the guy who I find in random news postings with words like "fucktards" and "borked"... That isn't the guy I know. It doesn't touch me. The person I know is... sweet, sexy, funny. he's the voice late at night as we both drift off. occasional empty moments, but also warmth when we both curl up and watch movies. But as I try to find my memories of the other Chris - I'm amazed with all the details I've lost ... dreams we laughed about and now seem insignificant. memories of who and what we were before we were lovers.
I'm sleepy. time for a nap.
I went to Ikea (drove) all by myself, found, bought, and carried the desk, shelves, light and plant potters, all by myself. Got lost twice, got stuck in traffic (there was a five-ambulance crash ahead of me, got lost in suburbia, carried all the stuff back to the apartment (given I had to take the desk out of the box and carry it bit by bit because it was far too heavy), and put it together (and in my room) ALL BY MYSELF. did i mention how proud I am?
by 12 last night I was in a really bitchy mood, and Chris called. i wasn't the nicest, and I finally told him why I'm still angry about Dark. it felt good - and it seemed trivial after I finally told him. "why do you think I told her to fuck off last fall?". I feel better, a lot better, about it.
my new goal? to only eat healthy food (when I'm by myself - it's hopeless when I'm with Chris). therefore, frozen peaches and yogurt... of course, I'm allowed to eat sweets -IF- I make it. I'm hoping that will prevent me from continually eating sweets (not that I do these days, I just worry).
I went to look for a photo of Chris and I together - and I cant find any of them... I was going to put it up (next to the photo of aso) on my desk... I guess I'll have to take a new one *evil grin* he turns 25 in a couple of weeks.
my next project is to learn dreamweaver and redo this site for my mother. along with writing... really writing... again. and hopefully having time to do ballet again. I want to do artwork - collage to be exact - but the idea of doing art for arts sake seems strange to me. do I hang it up? send it to someone, watch it fade and curl at the edges. perhaps that's what I love about words. They never get old, they don't wear out over time, they are easily transported and put into a new setting. they are simple. without questions.
it's strange. When Chris and I got to know each other, first it was through Dark and KDX. then phone-chris//kdx-chrs. then we started dating and it was a combination of KDX-Chris, and "my" Chrs... now I find it's hard to remember the guy I knew through other people... the guy who I find in random news postings with words like "fucktards" and "borked"... That isn't the guy I know. It doesn't touch me. The person I know is... sweet, sexy, funny. he's the voice late at night as we both drift off. occasional empty moments, but also warmth when we both curl up and watch movies. But as I try to find my memories of the other Chris - I'm amazed with all the details I've lost ... dreams we laughed about and now seem insignificant. memories of who and what we were before we were lovers.
I'm sleepy. time for a nap.