*smoosh*
this is supposed to make sense.
I just got off the phone with him - the chris kind of him - and things are back to... complicated.
fact. 1. we broke up January 28. one day before our official 6 month. (somewhere around 7 months unofficially). 2. I've been a lot happier since we broke up. although not perfect, and often insane, things have been less... fraught with the impossibility of very different people. 3. our lives are heading in two very different directions - and we're both trying to focus on what we want in our lives. trust me, it's a good thing!. 4. We live two hours away. 5. There are people in his life I don't like - and vice versa. 6. I get really passive when I'm around him.
James Blunt.
Christmas.
talking.
kissing.
"other" things.
lets be honest, i don't feel like I'm single right now. But I'm not ready for anything more - and I question if we need anything more. I get the feeling he's unsure if he wants a relationship (officially)...
I'm unsure if I trust him - but I don't need him to tell me how he feels - I know. that deep down, absolute kind-of-thing. but I don't think I can offer the same for him. I care about him a great deal - even love him if pressed. but it's more complicated than that. I'm afraid to give up my freedom... I don't think i'll feel anything for anyone else for a long time... but I don't want to be -with- him until i know I trust him (and trust myself).
I want the normal. day-to-day things... being able to wake up next to him. Making breakfast together (or simply coffee). Seeing each other during the week for a spontaneous dinner. Things that should be taken for granted - but are two hours away.
his friend and the girlfriend lost their baby. Something is heartbreaking about that. His voice changed... I can't explain it - but ... it makes me sad in a way I wish it didn't.
I just got off the phone with him - the chris kind of him - and things are back to... complicated.
fact. 1. we broke up January 28. one day before our official 6 month. (somewhere around 7 months unofficially). 2. I've been a lot happier since we broke up. although not perfect, and often insane, things have been less... fraught with the impossibility of very different people. 3. our lives are heading in two very different directions - and we're both trying to focus on what we want in our lives. trust me, it's a good thing!. 4. We live two hours away. 5. There are people in his life I don't like - and vice versa. 6. I get really passive when I'm around him.
James Blunt.
Christmas.
talking.
kissing.
"other" things.
lets be honest, i don't feel like I'm single right now. But I'm not ready for anything more - and I question if we need anything more. I get the feeling he's unsure if he wants a relationship (officially)...
I'm unsure if I trust him - but I don't need him to tell me how he feels - I know. that deep down, absolute kind-of-thing. but I don't think I can offer the same for him. I care about him a great deal - even love him if pressed. but it's more complicated than that. I'm afraid to give up my freedom... I don't think i'll feel anything for anyone else for a long time... but I don't want to be -with- him until i know I trust him (and trust myself).
I want the normal. day-to-day things... being able to wake up next to him. Making breakfast together (or simply coffee). Seeing each other during the week for a spontaneous dinner. Things that should be taken for granted - but are two hours away.
his friend and the girlfriend lost their baby. Something is heartbreaking about that. His voice changed... I can't explain it - but ... it makes me sad in a way I wish it didn't.