pink, red, and light green.
"So what if you catch me,
Where would we land?"
Chris and I have been together for something between, three and a half months to one and a half month... depends on where you want to place it. I'm ok with anything, and everything.
My life got complicated, and I'm still working on sorting that out. I'm back in the dorms, on the other side of the room, with enough stuff to make Chris look terrified (he packed and unpacked and drove the car...)
I seem to spend most of my time in VA with Chris. first weekend, we ended up there because the whole thing with the apartment fell through. i think we slept the entire time i was there. what do i remember? driving around... going out to meet Brian and watching them play pool (and drinking), pizza (and really bad service), more beer at that bar, picking up JR at the airport (listening to him talk about all the girls),
he moved me in early that monday morning, hugged me goodbye and went back to richmond. he came back that thursday night... missed me so damn much ;). We went to the zoo, wandered around looking at the animals, he spent a good portion of the time on the phone with work. Then we went out for food and fell asleep curled up together. Saturday of that weekend we went to the Mall. dressed up and wandered around looking like those sappy couples it's fun to make fun of. Sat on the benches on the grass and talked, held hands, walked through parts of museums, walked through several gardens while he watched me have orgasms over the roses. (he just grinned). We ended up that night in Richmond ... yay for roommates? the next night we went to botanical gardens (he does know me too well), where we wandered around making fun of the signs and looking at flowers... that night we joined his friends for a barbaque and drinking (/me points at the photos from that night).
the next day we drove around... two lost souls looking for something. some part of me wanted to curl up in his lap and remember what it means to be whole... other parts of me just enjoyed sitting there with him in the car. i took this photo while we were wandering... looking up while listening to music...
that night we were supposed to drive back to dc... we finally ended up spending the night, and i took the train home the next morning.
missing him the rest of the week was hard - but at the same time, i'd spent so much time with him that it was lovely being in my own world again, with my own stuff, and able to be alone for a little while... I'm crazy over him, but i hate being there and feeling so separated from my own life.
I went down on Friday night, took the bus down, the bus station was kinda sketchy... by the time i got there i was exhausted - walking out the door some guy hissed in my ear "damn you're hot" i hate feeling like i'm on exhibition... but i refuse to be different just because someone is looking at me. We drove around, ended up back there so i could change my ticket... as we were walking out of the station again we had to pass five guys leaning against the wall... i blurred them out but i could hear one of them hiss "damn, some guys have all the luck"... when we got out Chris was livid... one of them wouldn't stop stairing at my chest and Chris was about to punch the guy.
We met up with Jun that night, sat up really late in a diner and made fun the the girl serving us.
"would you like more coffee?" "no sweetheart, i'm just sitting here looking bored because i enjoy it."
"i don't think our waitress is skanky enough." "should we complain?" "definitly"
"am i getting old or are the people here all highschoolers?" "both"
the next day he and i met up with various friends of his for Dan's birthday party (insert photos). yay for being the only one under 21... and yet somehow i still got into the bars (thank you Jess and Vicky). I got to watch them play pool and... drink... and oh wait, i drank... and danced with vicky... and got hit on while chris was in the back room smoking a cigar. my first tequila shot. we were walking to the second bar and Dan and Vicky asked me what i waned to dress up as for halloween... i didn't say much, and she was like, "you have to, you're part of the crew now." i just smiled sweetly and said, "nurse?" and she gave me this evil grin.
"my sexy baby"
"i'm enjoying showing you off to my friends."
"Vicky came up to me and said, "your gf is fucking awesome!""
"what do you think he said? you're fucking gorgeous."
"you're not skanky since you're attached to me."
"I'll just kick them in the balls."
Sunday night i kept putting of leaving him... finally i ended up at his mother's house (with him) for dinner... it was one of the most stilted, uncomfortable experiences of my life... in the middle of it i realized i was about to have an anxiety attack so we left. Sat in a parking lot while i couldn't stop shaking... we ended up back at his place where i curled up with him... took the train back that morning. Was two hours late... yay for being exhausted and stressed.
We've talked every night since then (duh.)
"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says,".....that's her."" i found this in someone's aim away message... and wanted to scream, yes.
i miss him. that's obvious. i feel sorry for my friends who are stuck of my constant, "chris, chris chrischrischris!"
yay for ds not liking me... or to be more exact, disconnecting me from places where she has privs... yay for mike who protected my account because i'm tired of that bullshit. yay for eric who has me on his, do not talk to list... yay for Bucky who keeps telling me to just give him time (and reminding me how much i hurt him). yay for Arch disapearing. yay for tkdragon. yay for dreadit who won't stop trying to run my server for me. (chris offered to take over that sector... we'll see what happens).
Chris' world is going to be totally confusing in 3 months to a year... he's either leaving the company because of what's going on right now, or they will be selling the company because it's gained a good reputation (and they are all ready for out). Either way neither of us know what we want to do after that. he's thinking of looking for a job in either DC or NYC... either way i suspect i'll end up there with him. some part of me is scared at the idea... i've never considered making long term plans with someone... never considered the idea that we could plan our lives together.
Saturday night while we were both drunk, i lay next to him and asked what was going on between us. his response was, "i'm falling for you. falling hard. would it scare you if i'm in love with you." my response was generic... then was neither the time nor the place to respond... but he knows how i feel about him. I keep waiting for him to walk away... i keep expecting him to "run and hide" and he keeps promising he's there for as long as i want him.
somehow, somewhere, sometime we've promised we'll end up in paris together.
me? god. i don't know. yay for feeling so wrapped up in this that i don't remember what it means to be alone. ok. i do... sort of? i'm losing that cynicism i'd had for so long ... my life is about figuring out what i want to do in the next couple of years... and most of the time i'm so fucking scared i don't know how to cope with it. and somehow he always manages to help me pick up the pieces... i haven't talked, really talked, to my parents in three weeks. I miss them, but somehow i'm not ready to talk about anything... I lost someone i'd considered a best friend because i couldn't talk to him about myself... i want to spin round and round and round in a field. and i miss home. i'm getting used to two cities all at once while never having time to actually be there in them. i've got a new roommate who is as messed up as me (and incredibly sexually frustrated...) oh, and btw, she's mongolian, and her bf is in the mongolian cia. yay? i'm taking five classes i love. and i'm on anxiety medication.
"But I won't be your concubine - I'm a puppet not a whore.
I just need this stage to be seen.
Won't you be a friend of mine to remind me what is real?
Hold my heart and see that it bleeds."
Where would we land?"
Chris and I have been together for something between, three and a half months to one and a half month... depends on where you want to place it. I'm ok with anything, and everything.
My life got complicated, and I'm still working on sorting that out. I'm back in the dorms, on the other side of the room, with enough stuff to make Chris look terrified (he packed and unpacked and drove the car...)
I seem to spend most of my time in VA with Chris. first weekend, we ended up there because the whole thing with the apartment fell through. i think we slept the entire time i was there. what do i remember? driving around... going out to meet Brian and watching them play pool (and drinking), pizza (and really bad service), more beer at that bar, picking up JR at the airport (listening to him talk about all the girls),
he moved me in early that monday morning, hugged me goodbye and went back to richmond. he came back that thursday night... missed me so damn much ;). We went to the zoo, wandered around looking at the animals, he spent a good portion of the time on the phone with work. Then we went out for food and fell asleep curled up together. Saturday of that weekend we went to the Mall. dressed up and wandered around looking like those sappy couples it's fun to make fun of. Sat on the benches on the grass and talked, held hands, walked through parts of museums, walked through several gardens while he watched me have orgasms over the roses. (he just grinned). We ended up that night in Richmond ... yay for roommates? the next night we went to botanical gardens (he does know me too well), where we wandered around making fun of the signs and looking at flowers... that night we joined his friends for a barbaque and drinking (/me points at the photos from that night).
the next day we drove around... two lost souls looking for something. some part of me wanted to curl up in his lap and remember what it means to be whole... other parts of me just enjoyed sitting there with him in the car. i took this photo while we were wandering... looking up while listening to music...
that night we were supposed to drive back to dc... we finally ended up spending the night, and i took the train home the next morning.
missing him the rest of the week was hard - but at the same time, i'd spent so much time with him that it was lovely being in my own world again, with my own stuff, and able to be alone for a little while... I'm crazy over him, but i hate being there and feeling so separated from my own life.
I went down on Friday night, took the bus down, the bus station was kinda sketchy... by the time i got there i was exhausted - walking out the door some guy hissed in my ear "damn you're hot" i hate feeling like i'm on exhibition... but i refuse to be different just because someone is looking at me. We drove around, ended up back there so i could change my ticket... as we were walking out of the station again we had to pass five guys leaning against the wall... i blurred them out but i could hear one of them hiss "damn, some guys have all the luck"... when we got out Chris was livid... one of them wouldn't stop stairing at my chest and Chris was about to punch the guy.
We met up with Jun that night, sat up really late in a diner and made fun the the girl serving us.
"would you like more coffee?" "no sweetheart, i'm just sitting here looking bored because i enjoy it."
"i don't think our waitress is skanky enough." "should we complain?" "definitly"
"am i getting old or are the people here all highschoolers?" "both"
the next day he and i met up with various friends of his for Dan's birthday party (insert photos). yay for being the only one under 21... and yet somehow i still got into the bars (thank you Jess and Vicky). I got to watch them play pool and... drink... and oh wait, i drank... and danced with vicky... and got hit on while chris was in the back room smoking a cigar. my first tequila shot. we were walking to the second bar and Dan and Vicky asked me what i waned to dress up as for halloween... i didn't say much, and she was like, "you have to, you're part of the crew now." i just smiled sweetly and said, "nurse?" and she gave me this evil grin.
"my sexy baby"
"i'm enjoying showing you off to my friends."
"Vicky came up to me and said, "your gf is fucking awesome!""
"what do you think he said? you're fucking gorgeous."
"you're not skanky since you're attached to me."
"I'll just kick them in the balls."
Sunday night i kept putting of leaving him... finally i ended up at his mother's house (with him) for dinner... it was one of the most stilted, uncomfortable experiences of my life... in the middle of it i realized i was about to have an anxiety attack so we left. Sat in a parking lot while i couldn't stop shaking... we ended up back at his place where i curled up with him... took the train back that morning. Was two hours late... yay for being exhausted and stressed.
We've talked every night since then (duh.)
"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says,".....that's her."" i found this in someone's aim away message... and wanted to scream, yes.
i miss him. that's obvious. i feel sorry for my friends who are stuck of my constant, "chris, chris chrischrischris!"
yay for ds not liking me... or to be more exact, disconnecting me from places where she has privs... yay for mike who protected my account because i'm tired of that bullshit. yay for eric who has me on his, do not talk to list... yay for Bucky who keeps telling me to just give him time (and reminding me how much i hurt him). yay for Arch disapearing. yay for tkdragon. yay for dreadit who won't stop trying to run my server for me. (chris offered to take over that sector... we'll see what happens).
Chris' world is going to be totally confusing in 3 months to a year... he's either leaving the company because of what's going on right now, or they will be selling the company because it's gained a good reputation (and they are all ready for out). Either way neither of us know what we want to do after that. he's thinking of looking for a job in either DC or NYC... either way i suspect i'll end up there with him. some part of me is scared at the idea... i've never considered making long term plans with someone... never considered the idea that we could plan our lives together.
Saturday night while we were both drunk, i lay next to him and asked what was going on between us. his response was, "i'm falling for you. falling hard. would it scare you if i'm in love with you." my response was generic... then was neither the time nor the place to respond... but he knows how i feel about him. I keep waiting for him to walk away... i keep expecting him to "run and hide" and he keeps promising he's there for as long as i want him.
somehow, somewhere, sometime we've promised we'll end up in paris together.
me? god. i don't know. yay for feeling so wrapped up in this that i don't remember what it means to be alone. ok. i do... sort of? i'm losing that cynicism i'd had for so long ... my life is about figuring out what i want to do in the next couple of years... and most of the time i'm so fucking scared i don't know how to cope with it. and somehow he always manages to help me pick up the pieces... i haven't talked, really talked, to my parents in three weeks. I miss them, but somehow i'm not ready to talk about anything... I lost someone i'd considered a best friend because i couldn't talk to him about myself... i want to spin round and round and round in a field. and i miss home. i'm getting used to two cities all at once while never having time to actually be there in them. i've got a new roommate who is as messed up as me (and incredibly sexually frustrated...) oh, and btw, she's mongolian, and her bf is in the mongolian cia. yay? i'm taking five classes i love. and i'm on anxiety medication.
"But I won't be your concubine - I'm a puppet not a whore.
I just need this stage to be seen.
Won't you be a friend of mine to remind me what is real?
Hold my heart and see that it bleeds."