(no subject)
At some point in the course of the last few months it occurred to me that far from angsting about growing older, my current age rather suits me. A certain range of experience, a broadening of horizon...
Perhaps it isn't much, compared to others' lives, but I've also learned that such comparisons make only limited sense. For what may well be the first time in my life I don't feel like I'm forever chasing after some elusive ideal of how my life should be, what I should do, always either falling short, or discovering that once achieved, nothing ever is as sweet and as satisfactory as I imagined it would be. Being able to focus on what it is, who I am...
I feel more secure in myself, no longer helplessly afloat, with nothing to hold on to and no sense of direction; feel like I've finally achieved a kind of foundation to build something on...
There's the elusive, vaguely restless feeling of impending (?) change, or the possibility of, readiness for change, but which direction?, whether to actively go looking for... what, exactly?
What do I want?