swing low
so basically i don't really understand anything.
i'm afraid to let go and afraid to embrace..
i feel like either way i lose something.
it's just which way is going to be better in the end... and this:
We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be --C.S. Lewis
i would very much like to sit down and have a conversation with c. s. lewis. i think in some ways he is like paul. and paul is definitely a man i admire...
i want it to be easier to know god's will and do it.
i feel like if i knew exactly what god wanted me to do, going through with it would be easier because i would know it was his will and it would all be best in the end. that would help me endure the pain.
but when i'm uncertain of his plain i am afraid. because i don't know if the road i choose will be the best or not. how would in know i wasn't making things worse or completely ruining them all together?
there are some decisions that i simply do not trust myself with.
and then i end up like a washing machine full of waffles, uncertain and indecisive.. and often that makes things even worse. and it's certainly not healthy for anyone.
i don't understand why it's so difficult to help someone and so easy to hurt them.
i want to be a vessel. a broken vessel and a joyful vessel.
i want to carry god's love, glory, and purpose while at the same time living my life in wonder.
but i just want things to work out.
i want to be a positive factor in the world, not a negative one.
i want to do great things and give great love.. not just sit around, hurt people, and take up space.
swing down, chariot, come and
let me ride...
i wish i was a better musician.
but even in the midst, i'm happy to be alive.
james says that struggle means you're growing.
i hope this is true.
and i hope i'm growing in the right direction..
peace
j dog.
i'm afraid to let go and afraid to embrace..
i feel like either way i lose something.
it's just which way is going to be better in the end... and this:
We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be --C.S. Lewis
i would very much like to sit down and have a conversation with c. s. lewis. i think in some ways he is like paul. and paul is definitely a man i admire...
i want it to be easier to know god's will and do it.
i feel like if i knew exactly what god wanted me to do, going through with it would be easier because i would know it was his will and it would all be best in the end. that would help me endure the pain.
but when i'm uncertain of his plain i am afraid. because i don't know if the road i choose will be the best or not. how would in know i wasn't making things worse or completely ruining them all together?
there are some decisions that i simply do not trust myself with.
and then i end up like a washing machine full of waffles, uncertain and indecisive.. and often that makes things even worse. and it's certainly not healthy for anyone.
i don't understand why it's so difficult to help someone and so easy to hurt them.
i want to be a vessel. a broken vessel and a joyful vessel.
i want to carry god's love, glory, and purpose while at the same time living my life in wonder.
but i just want things to work out.
i want to be a positive factor in the world, not a negative one.
i want to do great things and give great love.. not just sit around, hurt people, and take up space.
swing down, chariot, come and
let me ride...
i wish i was a better musician.
but even in the midst, i'm happy to be alive.
james says that struggle means you're growing.
i hope this is true.
and i hope i'm growing in the right direction..
peace
j dog.