We're racing with the wind, and the feeling that I'm under
Thought of the Day:At what point does it become unhealthy to make friendships with other people online? When does it become damaging? If you start to value "online friends" more than "real life" friends, then what happens if an online friend suddenly drops off the face of the planet? Is it unhealthy to form a dependence upon the support and advice
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First and foremost I think online relationships are just as valid as offline ones. The fears that some people, a lot of parents, have, can sometimes be valid, that you don't really know someone online and they could be totally different in person. But I think that's changing, probably because of the popularity of social networking websites and also certain spaces, like I consider fandom spaces to usually be pretty honest. You can always have the drama but in general I think people are honest these days. And online, you have the bonus of it really being conversation-focused. You don't have body language, you maybe can't call the person up and meet them in person for an activity any time you want, but it's a lot easier to have a long discussion online than it is in real life, I think, which gives you another opportunity to really know someone. And again I think people feel safer being more open here too.
I know people online that I've stayed in contact with longer than some real life friends. There are people on my friends list I've known for probably six years. We may not talk as much now but we still "see" each other. And most of the people I interacted with (at least pre-ontd_ai) I had known for two, going on three years.
And so I think those kinds of relationships can be just as valid and deep and longlasting as anything in real life. In that case, sure, it can be unhealthy to become too dependent, but it can also be unhealthy to become extremely depending on "real life" people.
The only time I can see it becoming damaging is if you cut yourself off from the real world. You need balance in everything. :)
OMG DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? IDEK I'M TRYING TO DO THIS READING.
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And then, by the same token, I'm worried about getting close to these people, because they might seem amazing and perfect, but they might let me down like everyone else. And THEN I start to think, what if people aren't letting me down, what if I'm creating unrealistic expectations of what a friend should be? What if I'm creating this self-fulfilling prophecy of people disappointing me to justify never attempting to get close to anyone? Oh my god, do I have trust issues? Oh my god, seriously, I am just realizing this. Crap, how did this happen?
I completely admire the fact that you stay in touch with people like that. And I completely agree as well that one of the best parts about online friends is the conversation, you can be more open and really get to know someone.
For you, what makes you really feel that the friendships are just as valid and deep?
Oh, crap. Another novel of a comment. I really need to learn the art of making things brief and coherent. :/ And btw sorry for dragging you into the black abyss of confusion and paranoia that is my mind.
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Yeah, it's definitely weird in an amazing way. But sometimes you just don't have access to people who ~get you~ in "real life." It can just be because of where you are or because of your interests or something. It happens all the time, we just now have access to something that can connect us with other people in other places who we do relate to on that level. :)
And then, by the same token, I'm worried about getting close to these people, because they might seem amazing and perfect, but they might let me down like everyone else. And THEN I start to think, what if people aren't letting me down, what if I'm creating unrealistic expectations of what a friend should be?
Haha, I can't tell you if you have trust issues, but I think that kind of reaction is normal. I know I do it sometimes. You just meet awesome people, and you want them to be 100% awesome, which, yeah, sets you up for disappointment because no one can be perfect. I've had to learn to accept, too, that no one I meet, anywhere, is going to be perfect.
That said, as long as you have realistic expectations, I don't think you'll be let down. Okay, sure, some people are bound to, but in general, I don't think so. I've met/hung out with people I've met through fandom and they've been just as (or even more!) amazing as they were when it was ~just online~. :)
For you, what makes you really feel that the friendships are just as valid and deep?
lolitaray mentioned part of what makes it this way for me -- these people I've been friends with through years, and we stay friends despite the fact that we may have gone from sharing five fandoms to one or we may not share any fandoms, or we may share a fandom but have opposing viewpoints on it. The point there being that it's not about fandom or online anymore, because we've developed very real interests in each other and each others' lives. It's basically the same relationship, I think, as any in-person one except with the obvious distance/internet barrier.
And no worries, bb, it's something I've thought about myself! :)
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BRB, looking for the "Adam Lambert Exists: Your Argument is Invalid" macro.
And TY, bb. :)
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and no problem.
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