Wake Up Time
I had a nice long talk with my dad this weekend while we were camping, and it was nice to remember who I had become during my first semester at Wright. I had become so incensed with my last heart throb, that I forgot about the new personality I had created, the one that let me enjoy life. It wasn't one purely driven by the aspect of a relationship. It seemed that was all that mattered to me, until I changed who I was. My life no longer was about finding and maintaining a relationship. The new me was just focused on living. True, I would still like to be in a relationship, but it is no longer my sole purpose of living. This way, if a relationship does fail, and I probably (and unfortunately) will have many that do, I can still have a reason for living.
The problem I had with the last girl is that I met her when I was a senior in high school, and it was in that mind set that my feelings for her were seeded. When the prospect of meeting and possibly having a relationship with her arose, so did my past feelings, which hadn't undergone the change with the rest of me. Thus, when the old feelings arose, I ceased being the new me, and returned to being the fool that I was in high school. I reacted to the possibility of a relationship with her the same way I would have in high school.
I want to make it clear that I have no ill feelings of any kind towards the girl I constantly refer to. In the end, I can only blame myself for the way I react, and the eventual set back it created for me. This experience has taught me that becoming who I want to be is a lot harder than I originally thought it would be. I realize now my error in believing that I would never again become who I had hated most, and that is my old self. Of course, hindsight is 20/20. I couldn't have possibly predicted that I would revert to who I used to be in the blink of an eye. I can only hope that I am strong enough to make sure I don't repeat that same mistake.
The problem I had with the last girl is that I met her when I was a senior in high school, and it was in that mind set that my feelings for her were seeded. When the prospect of meeting and possibly having a relationship with her arose, so did my past feelings, which hadn't undergone the change with the rest of me. Thus, when the old feelings arose, I ceased being the new me, and returned to being the fool that I was in high school. I reacted to the possibility of a relationship with her the same way I would have in high school.
I want to make it clear that I have no ill feelings of any kind towards the girl I constantly refer to. In the end, I can only blame myself for the way I react, and the eventual set back it created for me. This experience has taught me that becoming who I want to be is a lot harder than I originally thought it would be. I realize now my error in believing that I would never again become who I had hated most, and that is my old self. Of course, hindsight is 20/20. I couldn't have possibly predicted that I would revert to who I used to be in the blink of an eye. I can only hope that I am strong enough to make sure I don't repeat that same mistake.