snow and hope
Sometimes i get all pensive while i am at work. I'm sure i am not the only person. Anyway, i was feeling down today. life in Chicago has alternated between great times and times of angst.
I can't really complain about this. It is, in fact, exactly the sort of thing i was on my knees praying for eight months ago. I have known what it is is live with a stone heart and it is not living at all. So i prayed for change, for moving forward, for exiting the dungeon i had been keeping myself locked in, and for healing. Funny thing is, God tends to answer those prayers that invite Him into the most painful areas of your being. I had known this before, which is why when i was on me knees yelling in prayer into those buffeting winds that stormy Spring night, with heavy rain drenching me to the core, i knew that when the sky before me came to life with tremendous arcs of lightning in response, that i was in for some turbulence myself.
The path ahead promises to be longer than the road behind, but this is a good thing in my mind. Still, part of this trail leads me through days where almost all i can do is hang on to Christ and not let go, as if my life depended on it, on Him, because it does. And thus there are days where i sit trying to get work done for the employer the LORD has provided me with, and I am distracted in my thoughts and emotions.
One difference between these days and years past is that i do not despair as much as before. I recently read something i immediately jotted down in a poorly paraphrased manner on a post-it note. Basically, the LORD does not want us to despair, for He does not give up on us, so we shouldn't give up either. These are powerful ideas to a stricken heart.
Today, as i mentioned, i was feeling down. So i went to lunch. While out i got to walk beside the railroad tracks. the warmer air and sun had begun to partially melt the snow-covered landscape. Long, stretched rays of winter sunlight bounced off the white layer covering the dormant foliage and entered my widening pupils. I had to stop walking, several times, to take in the view. It's simply amazing how awesome God is that He can turn even this area, a mostly dead little hillside next to a large railroad track, into a thing of beauty and splendor. That is the power of our LORD. John Eldredge writes, "We need what Beauty speaks. What it says is hard to put into words. But part of its message is, all is well. All will be well."
So i went on my merry way to sit in a crowded Subway and eat my sammich. And as i sat there, i read my little devotional thing for the day, and it spoke directly to me. It talked of Simeon and how it had been revealed to him that he would not see death before he had seen the LORD's Christ. It talked of how he had to wait, how he and others before him, like Abraham, Moses, and the prophets demonstrated their faith by waiting for the Lord to fulfill His promises. Though it feels like i have lived multiple lifetimes already at the ripe elderly age of 24, i know that God times things His way, not mine. It hurts and sometimes i think i can't press on through the darker days, but Christ gets me through somehow, every time. And so although it hurts greatly at times, i will not despair, and i will wait for my God to fulfill His promises in His way, on His time, because i do not want substitutes, i do not want fakes, fillers, or anything else less than the best that Christ has to offer.
And up i get, and out the door i go, into the sunny world, with strength enough from God to make it through one more day.
I can't really complain about this. It is, in fact, exactly the sort of thing i was on my knees praying for eight months ago. I have known what it is is live with a stone heart and it is not living at all. So i prayed for change, for moving forward, for exiting the dungeon i had been keeping myself locked in, and for healing. Funny thing is, God tends to answer those prayers that invite Him into the most painful areas of your being. I had known this before, which is why when i was on me knees yelling in prayer into those buffeting winds that stormy Spring night, with heavy rain drenching me to the core, i knew that when the sky before me came to life with tremendous arcs of lightning in response, that i was in for some turbulence myself.
The path ahead promises to be longer than the road behind, but this is a good thing in my mind. Still, part of this trail leads me through days where almost all i can do is hang on to Christ and not let go, as if my life depended on it, on Him, because it does. And thus there are days where i sit trying to get work done for the employer the LORD has provided me with, and I am distracted in my thoughts and emotions.
One difference between these days and years past is that i do not despair as much as before. I recently read something i immediately jotted down in a poorly paraphrased manner on a post-it note. Basically, the LORD does not want us to despair, for He does not give up on us, so we shouldn't give up either. These are powerful ideas to a stricken heart.
Today, as i mentioned, i was feeling down. So i went to lunch. While out i got to walk beside the railroad tracks. the warmer air and sun had begun to partially melt the snow-covered landscape. Long, stretched rays of winter sunlight bounced off the white layer covering the dormant foliage and entered my widening pupils. I had to stop walking, several times, to take in the view. It's simply amazing how awesome God is that He can turn even this area, a mostly dead little hillside next to a large railroad track, into a thing of beauty and splendor. That is the power of our LORD. John Eldredge writes, "We need what Beauty speaks. What it says is hard to put into words. But part of its message is, all is well. All will be well."
So i went on my merry way to sit in a crowded Subway and eat my sammich. And as i sat there, i read my little devotional thing for the day, and it spoke directly to me. It talked of Simeon and how it had been revealed to him that he would not see death before he had seen the LORD's Christ. It talked of how he had to wait, how he and others before him, like Abraham, Moses, and the prophets demonstrated their faith by waiting for the Lord to fulfill His promises. Though it feels like i have lived multiple lifetimes already at the ripe elderly age of 24, i know that God times things His way, not mine. It hurts and sometimes i think i can't press on through the darker days, but Christ gets me through somehow, every time. And so although it hurts greatly at times, i will not despair, and i will wait for my God to fulfill His promises in His way, on His time, because i do not want substitutes, i do not want fakes, fillers, or anything else less than the best that Christ has to offer.
And up i get, and out the door i go, into the sunny world, with strength enough from God to make it through one more day.