119 : navel-gazing spurred by an acute absence

[solerika]

The cycle of an AIM recluse: sign-in invisible until you feel up to socializing → worry about the various ways in which something as simple as instant messaging can go wrong or turn awkward → never bother changing your status → repeat ad infinitum

Comments

[murasaki_seiko]

This is pretty much the story of my AIM life. :|b Until people started realizing I was invisible, at least, and started messaging anyway- then I just never got up to the 'sign-in as invisible' part. Aren't social problems fun? :/

[solerika]

l-lol. I think most of my friends that figured it out got tired of not knowing if I was actually there, so I really only talk to one person anymore. |D And yes, they are. \:P/ It's one of the main reasons I'd like a proper diagnosis; so I can go "Here, this is what I'm unable to articulate as to why I have a hard time being 'normal'."

[murasaki_seiko]

See, I only really talk to about two casmates from one of my games and they will ramble for hours even if I'm not there so they don't seem to care. XD;; But that's why I got plurk instead because it doesn't bother me so much because it doesn't have to be real-time.

And yes, exactly on the diagnosis part. I'd love to get a proper diagnosis instead of 'lol yeah it sounds like some kind of social anxiety or something' but that of course entails talking to a psychologist. And actually telling them things instead of having panic attacks/breaking down/not doing so because I don't feel like I can trust them.

[solerika]

...if anyone did that to me, I would have to block them from SHEER ANNOYANCE. Unless it's about something of interest to both of us. xDDD And maybe it's just me, but I don't see how Plurk is all that different from LJ with the exception of a character limit for posts. I've actually been using Tumblr more than any other communication sites recently. << There's no pressure about friending people or hosting issues if I want to share my art WIPs, quotes, or whatnot. (It's not without its issues, but overall it has been handy.)

Ah, that would be a problem... Do you have any anxiety meds you could take before the appointment, or someone you could see for a while before going delving deeper? I used to have a similar issue. I could never speak the first couple of times I met a new doctor, and dad had to be present for several many sessions after that until I was comfortable enough to talk on my own. Of course, now that it's gotten to the point where I can handle myself okay, I can't find anyone to do a damn diagnosis. B|

[murasaki_seiko]

Haha, well, it's about things of interest so it's no problem. XD;; And, well, I don't think it's really that different from LJ but for some reason, in the two games I'm in right now, no one uses LJ for personal stuff at all. Which is weird to me, but hey, it's their choice I guess? But that meant that it was all either AIM or nothing, until everyone moved to plurk, and at least it's better for me than AIM (especially chats, where I can't function), so it's been pretty great for me

[solerika]

...wow. I've never heard of a game where nobody has a personal LJ. That's almost a requirement for most games. .__. But I'm glad Plurk is working out! \o And lmao yeah, AIM chats bring to mind the horrors that were AOL chatrooms back in 95-96. >XDDDD I have no use for them unless it's between a close group of friends.

In this regard, I'll admit I have it much easier than you thanks to my dad. I have insurance under his plan along with... something else, I think? I honestly don't know. <<;; I really should pay more attention to these things, but it's been a good while since I last saw anyone and I can never keep it all straight. I wouldn't even bother if I was on my own because, damn it, can't someone explain how that shit works in a way that makes sense? I'd rather try fixing the car. At least that isn't made up of a bunch of government bs and red tape. :P