119 : navel-gazing spurred by an acute absence

[solerika]

The cycle of an AIM recluse: sign-in invisible until you feel up to socializing → worry about the various ways in which something as simple as instant messaging can go wrong or turn awkward → never bother changing your status → repeat ad infinitum

Comments

[murasaki_seiko]

Haha, well, it's about things of interest so it's no problem. XD;; And, well, I don't think it's really that different from LJ but for some reason, in the two games I'm in right now, no one uses LJ for personal stuff at all. Which is weird to me, but hey, it's their choice I guess? But that meant that it was all either AIM or nothing, until everyone moved to plurk, and at least it's better for me than AIM (especially chats, where I can't function), so it's been pretty great for me.

The place I was going was really reluctant to give meds for some reason, so I couldn't get anything at all, even ones I was already taking (I really kind of wanted more ritalin since it's kind of hard to deal with the anxiety when I can't even remember to do things like make appointments without it, but the psychologist was kind of wishy-washy about it and said they didn't want to do it, and I'm not pushy enough to keep asking). And I'm... kind of okay with the person I'm going to now? I mean, she's nice and all, but quite frankly it's not been too useful other than the fact that I'm accountable to someone outside of myself that way. And I have no money + only medicaid for insurance, and there's only two mental health places in our area that take that, so, I'm kind of just... not too sure what to do at all. Because it just all feels so overwhelming and like... I look at where some of my other friends are, and even the ones who DO have social problems are still way more functional than me- they have friends, girlfriends/boyfriends, they go out and they talk to people and whatever, and it just seems like no matter what I do I'll never get there, you know? So what's the point.

Not that I'm not trying. XD;; Just, yeah, it gets overwhelming and hard to deal with when that's where I am. Sorry for the tl;dr all over your journal here.

[solerika]

...wow. I've never heard of a game where nobody has a personal LJ. That's almost a requirement for most games. .__. But I'm glad Plurk is working out! \o And lmao yeah, AIM chats bring to mind the horrors that were AOL chatrooms back in 95-96. >XDDDD I have no use for them unless it's between a close group of friends.

In this regard, I'll admit I have it much easier than you thanks to my dad. I have insurance under his plan along with... something else, I think? I honestly don't know. <<;; I really should pay more attention to these things, but it's been a good while since I last saw anyone and I can never keep it all straight. I wouldn't even bother if I was on my own because, damn it, can't someone explain how that shit works in a way that makes sense? I'd rather try fixing the car. At least that isn't made up of a bunch of government bs and red tape. :P

Oh, I know, believe me. xD; It's not easy to dig your way out of being accustomed to how things are, even if you want those kind of relationships. A vast majority of people don't seem capable of understanding how much of a struggle it is to just leave the house for a brief night out. And I'm seriously skeptical of anyone that says they have social problems while managing to lead mostly normal lives. It sounds so contradictory.

You're also welcome to tl;dr at me anytime. ♥ Everybody needs to vent, and it's reassuring to know you're not the only one having a hard time with similar problems. :')