HOLY CRAP MY NAIL

I cut it. Like, I was cutting lettuce for a salad and cut through my hail to my finger with a serrated knife.

Ow.

Does anyone have anything with which I can commit Seppuku? Because I would very much like to at the moment.

Holy crap, my arm has been HURTING HURTING HURTING for five days, now. I think I need some of your vicodin, House rinnakins.