Accumulated E-mails: John Crichton
August 31st, 2000
To: bridge.carson, m.parker, isabel.evans, willow.rosenberg, dawn.summers, alanna.trebond, samuel.anders, rory.gilmore, john.crichton, d'anna.biers, angela.chase, martin.blank, veruca.cally, samantha.carter, nadia.santos, alex.krycek, jake.gavin, peter.pevensie, skankzero.hopelesssavage /// @fandomhigh.net, veronica.mars@hearst.edu
From: xharris@ucsd.edu
Subject: [blank]
If *any* of you guys get this, will you tell everybody else I'm trying to call and write but everything keeps bouncing back at me? I haven't got anything from Fandom, either, and I'm pretty sure you didn't *all* decide I need to be shunnedOMG. And Willow can't get e-mail out to her friends from Hogwarts, so it's not the phone or the alumni net thing, it's some kind of interference on this end, she thinks. She's hacking the network of checking with the guys at the Watchers' Council who sent us off in the first place to see if they know what's going on.
This may not go through either, but I'll keep trying. And if you get spammed, um. Sorry? Better than thinking I was blowing you off, right?
Miss you all, even Faithful
Xander
__
ooooo. [The same e-mail repeated every day until September 10th, 2000]
__
October 18th, 2000
To: bridge.carson@fandomhigh.net, m.parker@fandomhigh.net, john.crichton@fandomhigh.net
From: xharris@ucsd.edu
Subject: Oh, those wacky demons
Just in case you ever wondered if Sunnydale has wackery of the non-fatal, Fandomy variety, I got split into two of me this week. Okay granted the demon *was* trying to kill Buffy, but his near-miss is my...day spent knowing how Cam and John feel.
One of me dresses better than the other. Opinions are divided on which one of me that was.
~Xander
P.S. I SO DIDN'T SO STOP THINKING THAT.
P.P.S. I did get a picture before Willow put us back together, though.
P.P.P.S. NOT THAT KIND OF PICTURE.
P.P.P.S. ...Bridge, see other e-mail. Happy anniversary.
attachment: 50234.jpg
__
December 25th, 2000
To: bridge.carson, callisto, m.parker, isabel.evans, willow.rosenberg, dawn.summers, alanna.trebond, aeryn.sun, samuel.anders, rory.gilmore, john.crichton, d'anna.biers, angela.chase, martin.blank, veruca.cally, samantha.carter, nadia.santos, alex.krycek, jake.gavin, peter.pevensie, peter.parker, skankzero.hopelesssavage, jenny.calendar, jaye.tyler /// @fandomhigh.net, veronica.mars@hearst.edu
From: xharris@ucsd.edu
Subject: Merry Stuffs
Happymerrypeacefulzombiefree Chrismakuhsticearoni - does that cover everybody? And I figure if I'm throwing bottles of e-mail out into the internets it's just as likely they'll make it to ancient Greece as it is that they'll hit Fandom, so Cal, if you're reading this, happy whatever the hell you guys celebrate in December too. Happy Anniversary-of-the-Strip-Triad-Game-I'm-Kinda-Sorry-I-Missed, maybe.
Willow says hi me and hi Bridge, and then she kind of shakes her head a little bit because she's still on the Oh Xander train and thinks I don't get how unlikely it is that you guys will ever see this. I do, though. Some things are just worth saying anyway, you know?
Like I passed my first semester of classes. It was touch and go for a while, but I am an actual bonafide college guy, as opposed to an actual bonafide flunkedoutofcollege guy. An actual bonafide college guy with his first actual bonafide car, too, even if it's an actual bonafide POS. And everybody here is alive and ...about as safe as you ever get in Sunnydale. (Dawn, there's a maybe on the Thing; they can't tell yet but they're checking again next week.)
Except now I ran out of news that's fit to print and doesn't involve other people's sekrits. That's one of the drawbacks about the whole never hearing back thing, aside from the obvious - all I can do is talk about me.
So instead I'll make stuff up about you guys. If I don't hear back from you I'll just assume I was right.
Let's see, it's December, so you've already had at least one invasion. This time it was MIMES. Marty, Peter Parker, Greg, Cally and Belthazor all got taken over and formed a troupe, roaming the dorms and annoying...I mean scaring the crap out of everybody who set foot in the hallways. The evil mimes were foiled when John, Sam, Nadia and Bridge joined together and built a giant invisible box around them (that dispenses cotton candy when they bang on the walls to be let out), and all the students went back to...as normal as they ever were. The mimes are still there, but no one cares because you all threw a sheet over the box and went on with your lives.
Veronica, Cal, Angel and Logan all came back for Homecoming. Angel's hair looked stupid. This is not actually news. Greg gave him a makeover, though. It still looks stupid (not Greg's fault; you can only work with what you're given), but it's taller now.
D'anna turned into a frog for a while, and had a wild fling with Jeremiah, but they broke it off even before D got turned back due to irreconcilable Vanessa Saturn shipping preferences. The Perk closed down and was replaced by a fancy mineral water store. Rory and Jake sat on the sidewalk in front of it every day for a week and LOOKED SAD AND WOEFUL at everybody who went in or out until they gave up and turned it back into a coffee shop. In not unrelated news, Krycek had a minor nervous breakdown during this period, but he's better now. He only twitches uncontrollably if you mention Evian around him.
Alanna dyed her hair black and took up smoking clove cigarettes and wearing a beret. Faithful laughed so hard he completely lost his voice, which is exactly why she did it. He was grumpy once he figured that out, but Willow and Anders cheered him up with catnip-laced cookies.
Angela dyed her hair black and took up smoking clove cigarettes and wearing a beret too, but it was a philosophical statement. Which didn't stop Faithful from laughing at her too.
Dean the Tick was seen wearing jeans and a t-shirt, which made everybody (except people from Sunnydale) wonder if the apocalypse was nigh, but no, the laundry machines were just on strike again so he couldn't wash his tights. The randomly-disappearing clothes thing happened again too, but this time it was even taking people's underwear. Jaye skipped classes to follow Constable Fraser around all week. Nobody knows for sure what happened but she was back in class on Monday and she WON'T STOP SMILING.
How'd I do?
love,
Xander
__
February 20th, 2001
To: Shop Buddies + Bridge
Subject: Robots that don't suck...exactly
And now for your monthly dose of Sunnydale WTF: some guy at UCSD built a robot girlfriend. She got sort of rampagey when he dumped her, but she didn't really suck. (And okay, I can see that coming from a mile away, so I'll just say NOT DIRTY now, except for with all the stuff he programmed into her it probably is.) She was just kind of...sad. Really *hot* - the dude knows his stuff when it comes to plastic people. But I totally get the thing you were saying now, Bridge. If I'd asked him to build me a robot-you, I wouldn't have to be psychic to tell that it wasn't *you*.
~Xander
__
May 7th, 2001
To: m.parker, alanna.trebond, rory.gilmore, john.crichton, aeryn.sun, d'anna.biers, angela.chase, martin.blank, samantha.carter, alex.krycek, jake.gavin, skankzero.hopelesssavage, jaye.tyler, cameron.mitchell, conner.mcknight, charlie.kawalsky, phoebe.halliwell, belthazor, hamlet.dane /// @fandomhigh.net
From: purplefrog@yahoo.com
Subject: grduation
so am in mtorhome somewhre betwen Sunnydale n LA wth pscho godess chsing us dont ask, 3 witches (1 crrntly crzy] a slayr, hr mom n sistr, my roomie, a vampre, a watcher [walk into a bar] n trying nt to gak on phne cause vmpre cant drve fr sht, and jst realized is a year since i grduated and omg you peope are all seniors now and leavng.
wont say wear sunscrn but will say that life aftr high sch thng? Nt the big scary. its just life, n you're alrdy doing that. keep it up n youll be fibe. FINE RARR STUPIDKEYS.
-xnder
March 18th, 2003
To: aeryn.sun, alanna.trebond, alex.krycek, angela.chase, belthazor, bridge.carson, callisto, cameron.mitchell, charlie.kawalsky, conner.mcknight, d'anna.biers, dawn.summers, elizabeth.delgado, hamlet.dane, isabel.evans, jake.gavin, jaye.tyler, jenny.calendar, john.crichton, m.parker, marty.blank, nadia.santos, peter.parker, peter.pevensie, phoebe.halliwell, rory.gilmore, samantha.carter, samuel.anders, veruca.cally, willow.rosenberg, zero.hopelesssavage, zoe.washburn ///@fandomhigh.net, veronica.mars@hearst.edu, cchase@nyu.edu, hotsauce@yahoo.com
From: purplefrog@yahoo.com
In case you guys heard about Sunnydale going under (or hell, maybe it happened years ago for some of you), just wanted to let you know we came through. Most of us, anyway. The world's not getting taken over by vampires, at least not this week. Faith saved us.
(That's a name; I didn't like, join a cult or something. Like Faith who used to be in Fandom, just this one was ours.)
Got to go. We're on our way to LA, just stopped for gas and the truckstop has wifi so I dragged out the keyboard since it's easier than typing on the phone. So anyway. I'm still here. Hope you're still there, wherever there might be these days.
~Xander
__