Lost and Found
Sometimes you get in one of those moods, where you just take a peek at the past and it makes you feel like you have relived everything you went through all over again. You pitty yourself, you feel sad, vulnerable. Well, that was last night. I slept on everything I said, felt, and thought. Today I feel great. My judgement isn't cloudy because I am not vulnerable. Last night I lost sight of myself, I lost myself in old emotions. Thats why I needed to write. Sort myself back out, and get a good nights sleep.
I realize today, that just because you love you someone doesn't mean you can be with them, or even that you want to be with them. John and I split for a reason, for many reasons. So, I can't really say that I want to be with him, because I don't really know him anymore. Last night I wanted to be with my ex boyfriend. Not my ex husband. The man he was before we got married. We both have changed drastically in this past year. So much so that we might not even be compatible anymore. We're pretty godd friends now, and having him in my life just as that is ok with me. I'm glad that he'll be back soon to get to know his son. I"m glad we'll be able to talk and get to know one another. I'm glad we're just waiting and seeing what might turn up and what might not.
I guess I just needed to say that I am once again sane. That I am back on track. And I am deleriously happy.
I realize today, that just because you love you someone doesn't mean you can be with them, or even that you want to be with them. John and I split for a reason, for many reasons. So, I can't really say that I want to be with him, because I don't really know him anymore. Last night I wanted to be with my ex boyfriend. Not my ex husband. The man he was before we got married. We both have changed drastically in this past year. So much so that we might not even be compatible anymore. We're pretty godd friends now, and having him in my life just as that is ok with me. I'm glad that he'll be back soon to get to know his son. I"m glad we'll be able to talk and get to know one another. I'm glad we're just waiting and seeing what might turn up and what might not.
I guess I just needed to say that I am once again sane. That I am back on track. And I am deleriously happy.