(no subject)
I feel like someone has stabbed me in the back over and over and over again.
I feel like I've never really had a father, he was just a figment of my imagination. Someone I thought who really loved and cared for me, someone I thought would always be there for me, instead of running away from everything just because he couldn't handle life like it used to be. What about me ? I was stuck, and have been stuck for so many years.. but I did not run.. I fought. Then why do I always feel like shit deep down inside?
Now all this drama is taking place yet again. I am exhausted with all these situations that just seem to be able to find me perfectly. Like somehow I attract them. Why the hell can't things be "normal" ...........................................................................................
Now my sister is moving out as we speak, to go live with dad, who never seemed to have room for her in his life since he left, and well before he left us, but all of a sudden he has had a change of heart, and is welcoming her with open arms, although she has fucked up hard core, but noooooooo she is the innocent one, the golden child, the one that can do no wrong even when she is in the shit. They are using each other, and it sickens me, and it breaks my heart into a million pieces. Because I feel so betrayed.
She can't deal with the "situation" here at home.. what fucking situation? There is none.. she just wants the attention from anyone who will listen. We took her in, and away from a really bad situation, and helped her get her life back on track again. And now she repays us by throwing everything back in our faces and giving us a big "FUCK YOU!" .. So instead she is betraying me.. and going to live with our father, and the woman who will remain nameless, for giving a person like her a name, will mean she is human, and she isn't, she is a monster. But all of a sudden my sister is "Neutral" to all that was, and is.. I am hurt like no other...
She is a selfish little child, who will never grow up. And she just keeps hurting the people around her. Her friends say "aww poor her" .. just what she wants them to do. Just what always happens. I am tired of it all.. I am lost of what to do , think, or feel. I want to forget it all, and just get on with my life, but that doesn't seem to work anymore. I am just too involved, and I don't know how not to be anymore. I hate this feeling.... and I want it to all go away.
Its just too much for me to take at this moment, there are so many things going on in life, and I don't know if I can handle too much more ..
Fuck......................
:(
~K
I feel like I've never really had a father, he was just a figment of my imagination. Someone I thought who really loved and cared for me, someone I thought would always be there for me, instead of running away from everything just because he couldn't handle life like it used to be. What about me ? I was stuck, and have been stuck for so many years.. but I did not run.. I fought. Then why do I always feel like shit deep down inside?
Now all this drama is taking place yet again. I am exhausted with all these situations that just seem to be able to find me perfectly. Like somehow I attract them. Why the hell can't things be "normal" ...........................................................................................
Now my sister is moving out as we speak, to go live with dad, who never seemed to have room for her in his life since he left, and well before he left us, but all of a sudden he has had a change of heart, and is welcoming her with open arms, although she has fucked up hard core, but noooooooo she is the innocent one, the golden child, the one that can do no wrong even when she is in the shit. They are using each other, and it sickens me, and it breaks my heart into a million pieces. Because I feel so betrayed.
She can't deal with the "situation" here at home.. what fucking situation? There is none.. she just wants the attention from anyone who will listen. We took her in, and away from a really bad situation, and helped her get her life back on track again. And now she repays us by throwing everything back in our faces and giving us a big "FUCK YOU!" .. So instead she is betraying me.. and going to live with our father, and the woman who will remain nameless, for giving a person like her a name, will mean she is human, and she isn't, she is a monster. But all of a sudden my sister is "Neutral" to all that was, and is.. I am hurt like no other...
She is a selfish little child, who will never grow up. And she just keeps hurting the people around her. Her friends say "aww poor her" .. just what she wants them to do. Just what always happens. I am tired of it all.. I am lost of what to do , think, or feel. I want to forget it all, and just get on with my life, but that doesn't seem to work anymore. I am just too involved, and I don't know how not to be anymore. I hate this feeling.... and I want it to all go away.
Its just too much for me to take at this moment, there are so many things going on in life, and I don't know if I can handle too much more ..
Fuck......................
:(
~K