is it sad
that after everything that has happened i have finally been able to forgive you? is it not what i should do ? b/c i have ...
&& after everything that has happened i still believe that one day you will realize what we have - what we had - just as i have recently discovered. i know you need time and for some reason i am willing to give you that time selflessly to the point where i don't even know if i want to tell you about this journal. sometimes i feel like i wish you could understand what im feeling right now. I admit i wasn't ready for a relationship i wasn't done doing what i was doing and i think everyone needs to be single sometimes. i don't regret anything i did and i wouldn't take it back i just with that you could understand everything im willing to do to make us work. i don't see myself with anyone else, i've said it before and i'll say it again i can't even begin to picture my life with anyone else and although sometimes im a bit scared it will be. I don't know whats to come of my feuture but w/o you it's even harder to imagine. please i beg you to try and understand what im saying, what im feeling. i don't want to pressure you into anything but i need you to understand how bad im hurting. i just don't even know what to do, i can't do anything. the only thing i can do is stay home, cry and read my stupid new obsession which only leads me to be more and more disappointed with my own kind. Humans, we have the ability to love unconditionally to feel unconditional love we have it in us and yet we use our hatred more. It makes me sad. We hurt more people than we help and we still want to think that were "good people" i think i have begun to understand why people become so wrapped up in religon and become preists and nuns and monks etc. maybe it's not god who has given us the 10 commandment to live our lives by but he has given them to us through a human thought, a person, to help us be the best that we can be through love. . . all kinds of love
with our neighbors
our friends
our enemies
our strangers and
our loves ones
its strange
really to
begin
to
c
.
.
.
.
one day i guess we will all see
. . .
im sick and all i can think of is you being here, holding me
helping me feel better
through my fever and my heavy breathing
not even slightly letting it affect you
b.c your my superman
always healthy
ready to take care of me
lay with me till i feel better
watching you look at me with sadness
b/c there is nothing you can do to help me fell
better,
i feel absolutly defenseless as i just lay here
in anguish and it hurts even more
to know that you are the one
thing that will make me
fell better
shattered heart