............
this isn't some fancy worded entry, this isn't a tactic to masking my feeling thru a song to make you understand what you've done or how you make me feel. this is me. this is real. you have hurt me much worse that i have ever hurt you, and you did it knowing what you were doing. i was always truthful with you, i told you how i felt i told you when i was and when i wasn't in love with you. i never lied, i told you when i knew i wasn't being good and when i knew i neede to step away and you were sooooo good to me. so good that i didn't know what to do with it. and now you've completely distroyed me. i cry a couple times a day and b/c im such a hard ass my eyes get full of tears and i wipe them away and contiune to be "happy ale" the super fun always cheerful and jolly ale. maybe someone notices maybe no one does who knows but i know inside how truly unhappy i am. if this had happened a month ago weeks ago i would have accepted it. i learned to live my life without you in it and then out of pure i can't even think of a word to discribe it you led me on you told me you loved me that you wanted to marry me and i was soo happy sooooooooo excited to see where this would go. i couldn't wait to finally be with you like before. but now your diff. i wonder if you gf knows that 5 days before you started going out i was at your house laying in bed with you and that you were telling me things like that. i resent you sooo much for everything you have put me thru, im broken kevin, i don't eat i don't sleep i don't think im not happy i can't even enjoy thing i used to. i walk around like a zobie living my life and not even realizing its passing by. my anxiety and attacks and headaches all come from you. you run thru my head a million times a min and i can't get you out and i hate you sooooo much for everything im putting myself thru. i have met and continue to meet so many nice ppl, good guys that want to go out and ask me on dates. and still i only have eyes for you....
nevermind to all that. i just want you to know that i love you with all my heart with all of me, all that i am. i just want to know why b/c i don't want to hate you anymore i don't want to be sad anymore, i don't want to think every second of everyday why you would tell me things that mean so much to just have them thrown in my face days later..... why ?!!!! why did u do it ? please just tell me why so i can either move on and get over it or so you can give me a chance to show you that i really do want this. I just want to be happy again b/c right now im absolutly destroyed