(no subject)

[soigne_mache]

.

the present tense has flipped me upside down in my bubble.
it's difficult walking on my head.
for awhile.

i'm maddly in love with oscar.

because you are on the inside.
but some things are disregarded.

so..this is rock bottom eh?
i'm not sure how much longer i can put it off.
phone calls from distances away
interuppting my days.
it's something but not enough.
and you say this is the chance.
i've had my share of them.
perhaps the final straw.
maybe just one out of a handful.
it's shit.

kind of like me after you meet the insides.

i've not thought much about feeling lately.
sort of put it on the back burner.
stuck some masking tape on it.
labeled

'in need of repair'
i'll get back to it.

it's broke.

i want to know what enough is?

i told him everything.
he will make me angry like he always does.
and she will make me feel guilty and disappointing like she always does.
and they will wonder thoughts that have always resided in my head.
but not understand the trigger.
i wonder what i would think if i was on the other end.

you should know i meant every word i said that night.
so don't be a liar and write me off as one of them.