(no subject)
I've been incredibly depressed lately, to the point where I want to hurt myself again. I keep crying over the littlest things or even nothing. If I weren't going to a wedding in VA this weekend, I'd go get the tattoo I've been wanting. I need pain when I'm hurting. I crave it. The other night I laid there scratching my nails down my arm. Sometimes I just claw at my body. I haven't started to cut myself again. I keep fighting it. I don't know why I feel this way.
I miss my kids. So much. I was talking to Lisa today about it, and tears were streaming down my face. I miss walking into my classroom in the morning or after lunch and having them run up to me saying "mama" b/c they couldn't say "mary." I miss them coming to me for hugs a thousand times a day. I miss them climbing into my lap with a story or a toy or just b/c they need to be in my lap. I miss rocking them to sleep at naptime. I miss kissing little cheeks and foreheads.
What i want
I want to lift you from the bed
he has made for you
then lay you down where you will
rediscover yourself beautiful.
I want to buy you a bouquet of roses
shower you in blood red petals
one for every tear you have cried over him.
I want to stretch you out naked
let myself experience you slowly,
my eyes paint you with gentle glances,
the heat of my gaze warming you until
all inhibitions fall away
like the tears you have brushed too often.
Let our first touch be breath only
as I inhale then exhale you,
with my breath cleansing you
of doubts and fears
take them into myself
then exhale life and love
across and into you.
When I make first contact,
may my fingers begin soft
following the path of skin rising
to meet me
encouraging me
to go further and deeper
a blush rising wherever I touch
and I will touch you soft all over
softly all over because
I want you to know
my love is slow to come
and slow to let go.
I will first hold your breasts
in my to my hands
measure the similarities and differences
between two of
ur breasts
holding and pressing you
the way I would want
trusting your response to lead me
in your right directions.
at your discretion,
I will kiss you with decades of tenderness
your lips, your eyelids, your face.
My breasts will be velvet across your nipples
my mouth and tongue more rich than anyones
melting like chocolate and summer across your murmurs.
Fall in my mouth, generous and giving, knowing I will catch you.
The weight of my body will be light
leaving me to rise on the tide of your breath
heavy enough to keep you from falling away.
We will explore together
the degrees of differences between us
where we are softer and firmer,
lighter and warmer.
I will memorize
every blemish, scar, flaw
focus my affection on your imperfections
together redefining them as your defining beauty
so that you begin to see yourself
as I see you.
When I begin (continue)
to make love to you
it will be with such hunger and thirst
whatever pain may remain will diminish
to a low growl
and you will become the lioness
you were born to be
beneath my tigress tongue and
at the tips of my ramming fingers.
I will make love to you until
you know how to make love to yourself
then crawl along the bed to cradle you
against my breast
stroke your sweat damp hair,
kiss your forehead,
and hum love words until you sleep,
your deepened breath my only caress.
I will see the love return to your face
as the color does with the rising of the sun.And that will be our first night .
from here: http://rpoems.wordpress.com/2007/03/11/what-i-want/
I miss my kids. So much. I was talking to Lisa today about it, and tears were streaming down my face. I miss walking into my classroom in the morning or after lunch and having them run up to me saying "mama" b/c they couldn't say "mary." I miss them coming to me for hugs a thousand times a day. I miss them climbing into my lap with a story or a toy or just b/c they need to be in my lap. I miss rocking them to sleep at naptime. I miss kissing little cheeks and foreheads.
What i want
I want to lift you from the bed
he has made for you
then lay you down where you will
rediscover yourself beautiful.
I want to buy you a bouquet of roses
shower you in blood red petals
one for every tear you have cried over him.
I want to stretch you out naked
let myself experience you slowly,
my eyes paint you with gentle glances,
the heat of my gaze warming you until
all inhibitions fall away
like the tears you have brushed too often.
Let our first touch be breath only
as I inhale then exhale you,
with my breath cleansing you
of doubts and fears
take them into myself
then exhale life and love
across and into you.
When I make first contact,
may my fingers begin soft
following the path of skin rising
to meet me
encouraging me
to go further and deeper
a blush rising wherever I touch
and I will touch you soft all over
softly all over because
I want you to know
my love is slow to come
and slow to let go.
I will first hold your breasts
in my to my hands
measure the similarities and differences
between two of
ur breasts
holding and pressing you
the way I would want
trusting your response to lead me
in your right directions.
at your discretion,
I will kiss you with decades of tenderness
your lips, your eyelids, your face.
My breasts will be velvet across your nipples
my mouth and tongue more rich than anyones
melting like chocolate and summer across your murmurs.
Fall in my mouth, generous and giving, knowing I will catch you.
The weight of my body will be light
leaving me to rise on the tide of your breath
heavy enough to keep you from falling away.
We will explore together
the degrees of differences between us
where we are softer and firmer,
lighter and warmer.
I will memorize
every blemish, scar, flaw
focus my affection on your imperfections
together redefining them as your defining beauty
so that you begin to see yourself
as I see you.
When I begin (continue)
to make love to you
it will be with such hunger and thirst
whatever pain may remain will diminish
to a low growl
and you will become the lioness
you were born to be
beneath my tigress tongue and
at the tips of my ramming fingers.
I will make love to you until
you know how to make love to yourself
then crawl along the bed to cradle you
against my breast
stroke your sweat damp hair,
kiss your forehead,
and hum love words until you sleep,
your deepened breath my only caress.
I will see the love return to your face
as the color does with the rising of the sun.And that will be our first night .
from here: http://rpoems.wordpress.com/2007/03/11/what-i-want/