8:55 pm in Philly
I miss my grandmother. I think of her every other day, and I cry. I think about how I was fully prepared to leave home, but also expecting to come home twice a month and tell her how law school is. I imagined myself telling her how things are going...how it's not as white as I thought it would be, which is good. That sorta comment would've elicited a visceral reaction out of her. She was very polarizing as it pertained to race. I found joy in the little things...
It's not the same telling other family members about how school is going. I really wanted to be able to share my experience with my grandmother. Especially because I am a first-generation student....and never in her wildest dreams could someone achieve what I am trying to do...
Also, though, I'm tired of grieving. It is still so fresh....which is exhausting. I want to be okay. I need to be. I know she's chillin in heaven. Why can't I move on?