Ficlet: 'Worst Thing' HP/SS NC17
Title - Worst Thing
Author - softly_sweetly
Beta - None, mistakes are mine alone
Rating - NC17
Word Count - ~650
Characters/Pairings - Harry/Severus
Warnings - AU (Severus Lived), Allusions to Non-Con, Manipulative!Harry, Darkish!Fic
Disclaimer - I own nothing but the plot lines. I make no money from this, and mean no offence by any scene depicted within this story. All characters depicted in sexual situations herein are above the age of consent.
Summary - Severus didn't remember their past, and Harry wanted to forget it.
Author's Notes - Written for the_flic who requested this way back when. Counts to prompt #3 Amnesia from my mission_insane Cliché Themed Table and Day 22 over at mmom
Standing in the corridor, Harry distracted himself with the sickly-green paint on the walls, and the smell of disinfectant spells that clung to the linoleum on the floor.
When Severus had fallen, dead on the floor, Harry had hated himself for everything he'd never said. But Severus hadn't been dead. Close to death, but not dead. He'd been brought to St. Mungo's, but nothing they could think of brought him out of his comatose state. Harry refused to let them stop trying.
It had been years now, and Harry came back to this hospital room over and over again. The desire to set right his wrongs had kept him sat by Severus' bedside, trying to explain, trying to apologise for the way he'd behaved, trying to thank Severus for everything Severus had given up.
Somehow, as every other relationship in his life had fallen apart, Harry had kept coming back to Severus. Kept sitting by the bed, talking about the world and how it had changed in the last six years. How he had changed in the last six years. No longer a headstrong child, Harry felt something for Severus that he couldn't explain. He wanted to set things right between them, to care for Severus and make up for his teenage follies. Harry wanted to atone.
It had been one of the worst things he'd ever done, the way he locked the door and slid his hand under Severus' quilt. But the dreams haunted him, and Harry had to act. Severus may have been comatose, but his body still responded to stimulation, and though Harry had cleaned his skin raw afterwards in guilt, those minutes where his hand was on Severus' flesh were exquisite; calm and quiet and chasing all the turmoil of his life away.
After that first time, it had got easier and easier. Until he got the Floo-Call that Severus had woken up.
Harry's first reaction had been blind panic; what if Severus remembered? One word played over and over in Harry's mind. Rape. He was an Auror for Merlin's sakes, he knew how wrong his actions had been, and how long he could spend in Azkaban for them.
"I'm afraid Mr Snape is suffering from total amnesia. And Harry, it doesn't look good. He's been out so long, and we've run all the tests, but he isn't responding to anything we try. He might never get his memory back."
It wasn't good news, so Harry shouldn't have smiled when the Floo-Call ended. And he shouldn't have promised to go in the next day to see Severus. But the worst thing was the thoughts that had come to him as he lay in bed that night, heart fluttering at the thought of what he could achieve. Severus didn't remember their past, and Harry wanted to forget it. With Severus ill, Harry could atone for his sins without suffering Severus' ire. Could be with Severus and neatly side-step the obstacle of their chequered past. He could have the relationship he wanted with the man he wanted, and not have to deal with any of the nasty talking and justifying that would have come up if Severus had woken as himself.
Looking up at the door, Harry was undecided about what he was going to do. Tell the truth, and put in months, maybe years of getting over their past before he could even begin to form a relationship with the man he'd fallen so hard for over the past six years. Or, bend the truth. Lie, and tell Severus that their animosity had been a cover to hide from prying eyes their true relationship.
Reaching out for the door handle, Harry only made up his mind when he stepped into the room and saw Severus sat up in bed, trying and failing to hide his fear and uncertainty.
"Severus, love, I've missed you."
Author - softly_sweetly
Beta - None, mistakes are mine alone
Rating - NC17
Word Count - ~650
Characters/Pairings - Harry/Severus
Warnings - AU (Severus Lived), Allusions to Non-Con, Manipulative!Harry, Darkish!Fic
Disclaimer - I own nothing but the plot lines. I make no money from this, and mean no offence by any scene depicted within this story. All characters depicted in sexual situations herein are above the age of consent.
Summary - Severus didn't remember their past, and Harry wanted to forget it.
Author's Notes - Written for the_flic who requested this way back when. Counts to prompt #3 Amnesia from my mission_insane Cliché Themed Table and Day 22 over at mmom
Standing in the corridor, Harry distracted himself with the sickly-green paint on the walls, and the smell of disinfectant spells that clung to the linoleum on the floor.
When Severus had fallen, dead on the floor, Harry had hated himself for everything he'd never said. But Severus hadn't been dead. Close to death, but not dead. He'd been brought to St. Mungo's, but nothing they could think of brought him out of his comatose state. Harry refused to let them stop trying.
It had been years now, and Harry came back to this hospital room over and over again. The desire to set right his wrongs had kept him sat by Severus' bedside, trying to explain, trying to apologise for the way he'd behaved, trying to thank Severus for everything Severus had given up.
Somehow, as every other relationship in his life had fallen apart, Harry had kept coming back to Severus. Kept sitting by the bed, talking about the world and how it had changed in the last six years. How he had changed in the last six years. No longer a headstrong child, Harry felt something for Severus that he couldn't explain. He wanted to set things right between them, to care for Severus and make up for his teenage follies. Harry wanted to atone.
It had been one of the worst things he'd ever done, the way he locked the door and slid his hand under Severus' quilt. But the dreams haunted him, and Harry had to act. Severus may have been comatose, but his body still responded to stimulation, and though Harry had cleaned his skin raw afterwards in guilt, those minutes where his hand was on Severus' flesh were exquisite; calm and quiet and chasing all the turmoil of his life away.
After that first time, it had got easier and easier. Until he got the Floo-Call that Severus had woken up.
Harry's first reaction had been blind panic; what if Severus remembered? One word played over and over in Harry's mind. Rape. He was an Auror for Merlin's sakes, he knew how wrong his actions had been, and how long he could spend in Azkaban for them.
"I'm afraid Mr Snape is suffering from total amnesia. And Harry, it doesn't look good. He's been out so long, and we've run all the tests, but he isn't responding to anything we try. He might never get his memory back."
It wasn't good news, so Harry shouldn't have smiled when the Floo-Call ended. And he shouldn't have promised to go in the next day to see Severus. But the worst thing was the thoughts that had come to him as he lay in bed that night, heart fluttering at the thought of what he could achieve. Severus didn't remember their past, and Harry wanted to forget it. With Severus ill, Harry could atone for his sins without suffering Severus' ire. Could be with Severus and neatly side-step the obstacle of their chequered past. He could have the relationship he wanted with the man he wanted, and not have to deal with any of the nasty talking and justifying that would have come up if Severus had woken as himself.
Looking up at the door, Harry was undecided about what he was going to do. Tell the truth, and put in months, maybe years of getting over their past before he could even begin to form a relationship with the man he'd fallen so hard for over the past six years. Or, bend the truth. Lie, and tell Severus that their animosity had been a cover to hide from prying eyes their true relationship.
Reaching out for the door handle, Harry only made up his mind when he stepped into the room and saw Severus sat up in bed, trying and failing to hide his fear and uncertainty.
"Severus, love, I've missed you."